A weighted vest
A weighed chest
Chesapeake Bay
How I sway
Back and forth
Hit the ground
What a sound
I can make
Heavy heart
Heavy hands
Handsome man
Has a plan
Without me
He'd be free
I'm gonna need
Some dopamine
Here I go
What a show
Move so slow
This buffalo
Upon my chest
There is no rest
I cannot breath
I beat my breast

Goodnight

Skeletal cinnamon trees
Frosted with the breaking, grey sky
Know more love than you
And they know more life than I

Flowing as white as the snow
With the one that she loves by her side
She'll regret this day again
When she has nowhere to hide

And I'll sit and watch them freeze
And my fingers will go numb
In the coldness of their timing
Knowing I should be the one

When you found me
I was lopsided
Uneven, unloved
Over touched
You picked me up
And evened me out
When you found me
Crawling in the dirt
I finally found what I was looking for

In these dark mornings
I pray to feel your touch
Lure me back into bed
Warm hand on my back
Fingers in my hair
Lips on my arm
Praying harder than the day I die
That you were here to keep me from getting up

One day, none of this will matter.
Let's make that day today.
I think of you, not your pain.
How you make me painless - loved.
Together.
How you make me fearless.
Your lips on my forehead -
I am safe.  
And we are together.
One day, none of this will matter.
That day is today.
And you are all I see.

I could hear it from the kitchen
Coffee maker bubbling
Stomach rumbling
I could hear him throwing up
ADHD meds worked
But made him sick a lot

Poor little baby boy
I had to hide from the sick
Afraid of insides outside
And I could hear his tears fall and dry
Brother, sister, comforting
Giggling
Holding his hair back

When the sick was gone
I ventured in  
The sick boy, better now
Big brother filling up his bath tub
Dreadlocks *******
Toys that wind up
Warm water
Soap bubbles
Happy face

Big brother cleans the sick off
Little cups of water down his back
Tickles his face
Kisses his forehead
Loving, bubbling
Sick like brother

I watch and learn love
And I'm in love with it all

Big brother helps big sister with homework
I stay with sick baby boy
His red popsicle melts into his bathwater
But stays in his tummy
He tells me about school

I listen and learn love
And I fall in love with it all over again

This is how you're used
When I'm self afflicted
Self degrading
Self abused
He speaks through you
So I can breathe
This is what you mean to me
When I'm sick
And beat
And bruised
This is how God uses you
When you could choose
When you could lose
You love me and that's how He uses
YOU