For half of my life,
I have loved her.

For half of my life,
She was there.

For all of my life,
I have blundered.

Not understanding,
For what, I truly care.

I watch as half of me is leaving.
I feel myself torn in two.

I'm powerless now to the motion,
Of farewell,
And bidding adieu.

I find it rather interesting,
Love defined, as by my age.
My own timeline tells me,
In defining I was no sage.

Seems just as we grasp a meaning.

Time completes.

And we're forced to turn the page.

I know now that my definition,
Is something a touch more whole.
A slightly less shallow meaning,
Is something I now know.

For I once thought it required,
For love, to be give and take.
That those were points to tally.
It was a balance we must make.

Which true this is,
To small degree.
There should be equal parts.

Investment made by one,
Must reside in both our hearts.

And tally true,
One exists.
But count it never should we.

For if the love,
Is true to both,
Time will let us see.

Rushing love,
Poor demands,
Expectations run amuck.

But if you try,
Unconditional faith,
Your love, won't, be in need luck.

And believe me when I say this.
Take lessons like this to heart.

For if you don't,
Learn real love.
You'll miss it as it parts.

Sit at my desk,
Hiding from pain.
Years record,
At ten thousand frames.

Slowly I feel,
All that hurts so much.
Isolating myself,
When I'm desperate for touch.

Loved ones flutter by,
Stop by, say hello.
All from a distant,
Whisper at my elbow.

Now I'm alone.
And I wouldn't have to be.
If I simply had turned.
And engaged my family.

Some days,
You want to stand in your home,
Set it on fire,
And watch it all burn.

Some days,
You want to stand in your home,
Breath in the memories,
And exhale the love.

The hardest days,
Are when you want to do both.

There's a pain I feel,
When I'm feeling most alone.
And old ugly whisper's,
Approach me at all times.

I scream and yell,
And today they abide.
Yet they lurk,
Plotting my crimes.

I tell myself,
I'm better than them.
I'm stronger,
And far more equipped.

But I know I'm no mountain.
I know I've been weak.
I cry,
As hearts desires are skipped.

My greatest coping,
Mechanism of all time.
Always,
Stared at me in tears.

Until the day,
Her heart crumbled at last,
And left,
Awakening my fears.

I've none to blame.
Save the demons inside.
As they've long,
Been a part of me.

One day I hope.
A truce can be met.
And those whisper's,
Will love what we see.

That love is my med,
And is theirs as well.

And a new whisper,
Will become a fierce yell.

I see the cracks,
Residing in the mirror.
But my skills, for repair,
Are lacking.

I've learned of the trades,
To mend the flaws.
But this tasks difficulty,
Leaves me just whacking.

Banging on,
The reflective filmed glass.
I often,
Just scatter the pane.

But I'm so **** afraid,
Of what this mirror does to others.
I don't think I can ever,
Share it again.

I will be ok.
I will bleed, from a broken heart.
But I, will be ok.

I will grow.
I will contort, through past regrets.
But in the end, I, will grow.

I will hope.
When all is finally,
Nothing but darkness.
A light will shine, and I will hope.

I will love.
As it may become,
My greatest fear.
One day, again, I will love.

For now I will struggle,
Let my inner voices pitch and scream.
But eventually.
I'll be ok.