robin

robin Sep 2018

green river
wet thighs
white towels
panic
yellow lines
street signs
cracked pavement
nighttime
City lights
Ambulance siren
hospital lights
dog barks
water drips from the faucet
running out of time
grey leather seats
emergency
wheel chairs and nurses
galking people
wet eyes
hands, shaking
sharp turns
running
down the hall
Barefoot
cold floor
green river
hospital tissue paper
phone calls
too much
can’t breathe
nurses laughing
hands on your shoulder
Happy for you
contractions
three centimeters dilated
nurses talk
Blanket
cold hands
heart beating fast
can’t breathe
Fluorescent lights
Shaking
green river
nurses
where’s babies heart beat
dropping
panic
Cold hands
Creeky bed
Oxygen mask
Can’t breathe
can’t breathe
all fours like a dog
Blue Shower cap
Emergency
Running down the hall
wet eyes
Green river
Florescent lights
hand sanitizer smell
Can’t breathe can’t breathe
cold
hospital room
no blanket
alone
shaking nervous scared
Emergency
heart rate dropping
Galking eyes
cold air
dizzy
Panic
anesthesia
blackness
Fuzzy vision

Where’s my baby
where’s my baby?

robin Aug 2018

and i fall

you’re growing
inside me
like a ****
you thought was a flower as a child
before the days your mother threw the dandelion bouquet you made her into the yard waste pile.
it was a definitive part of growing up she’d say.
im smiling but my feet are bare and the floor im walking on is needles
needless to say
i already know you’re darling
in every way
we’ve been communicating these last nine months through a layer of flesh
like we’re pen pals
you know my skin and bones like family
and I know your kicks and punches
like it’s yesterdays news.

i can’t tell you this but i am fearful

fearful of who i will become
what i have to offer
fearful of
the control of my life, the constant day to day swing of things i know I must leave in the rear view mirror

only for once
i don’t care
for once

i
am
an
autumn leaf
t
u
m
  b
l
    i
n
   g

down to uncertainty
only instead of fighting it
i surrender.

robin Jun 2018

pumpkin

men
of many
armies
gather at your toes like fallen leaves
whispers
autumn breeze
tickles the nape of your neck
you giggle
like a frightened child
if only it were so easy
to scratch me right off your back
like a scab
you’re peeling away but needing to keep in place.

robin Jun 2018

stork

i imagine you’ll smell like chamomile
and fall asleep on my chest
I imagine it will be cold
outside
the stars looking in at us
I imagine your little toes
curling in excitement
The coos forming from under your breath
I imagine being happy
laughing like a frightened child for the first time since I was five
I imagine the world being a better place with you in it
full of life and love
so much so that parents don’t need to bubble wrap their children before taking them to school anymore
I imagine a life painted in happiness and adventure for you
I imagine you’re favorite color
your favorite books I’ll read you, you’re favorite song to sing
And on this cold night
snuggled in between my *******
your little body will be my warmth
and I yours
and we will hold each other for the rest of the night,
until the morning comes.

and when the sunrise creeps in through the curtains
I will hold you for the rest of my life.

robin May 2018

**** me slowly

movie theater kisses
march madness
muddied boots
cold beginnings.
i love you,
i love you like midnight rain
wet chalk
washing away childhood memories
falling in every direction
cold lifeless
seizures on the sidewalk
your friend jimmy is drowning in the pond
and your looking in a reflection of a puddle as if you have your life figured out.

robin Apr 2018

Loop

Snake eating it’s own tail
Words and then periods
Beginnings and then nothing.

robin Mar 2018

stretch marks

Ready set go
You stall
Your legs sink into hardwood floor quicksand
Burning firewood and pictures
from a past life
Trying to forget
My heads swimming in alcohol
My lips are cracked
dry
like the Grand Canyon
Hands up
to your head
your surrendering to your subconscious
conscious now
but barely able to peddle through my thoughts
Which way? This way
That way or his way?
Am I breathing
Am I dreaming
Is this life
Does it get any better then this
it’s wicked hot
muggy in my jersey wool sweater
I think I’ll sit down for a while
maybe do some summer saults in the grass
Look at things upside down for a while
maybe look at the blue sky and convince myself it’s green for awhile
Just until the sun sets
Just until the morning comes
Just until the truth becomes a little bit easier to accept