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robin Mar 2018
you you are a man made of metal
me I am a
carpenter ant
you look at me in disgust
As if I am something less then natural
try to rub my guts into your creaky wood floors
with your muddy combat boots
why do I deserve life any less then you do?
self righteous man, not everything’s about you
not everyone’s made to serve you
we are not ants under your magnified flame
running to your every whim in every direction
we are your children, your mothers, your lovers, your wives
we are the earnest ones, the tender ones that you cover in bruises and black eyes
we are the ones who love you so deeply that we cry when you abuse and neglect us and then go **** your secretary because now that we’ve pushed out two of your kids we’re not “attractive” to you anymore  
why? Cause you can.
cause your a man
and your a Great Dane in a dog eat dog world
let me throw you a bone
while I take it
up the *** in my mouth every place you could imagine
and then you will buckle your pants with a smirk and get in your car
And drive to wherever you call home
because now that your satisfied that’s all that matters
doesn’t matter if you took from someone else
strip away your big boy talk tho and
your just a trembling little chihuahua

out in the rain
just a pup with a bark bigger then your bite
in a world full of empty dog food cans
robin Feb 2018
I have memories stitched into my sheets
Like a spider stitching its web
In the grey matter of my brain
Intricately
like how you weaved your fingers
into mine
Like our hands were two pieces to a puzzle
that you knew needed a place to fit.
My heart is swollen, my veins collapsed with beating red love for you.
My words they are not like other words.
they bleed.
They are ripped aching and fresh from my chest
And put in a box on the shelf for you to read later
My poetry is not just spoken in words, you can hear it in my silences, in my tears and in the way that I kiss your very lips.
It is my love I must share
The umbrella must reach the lengths of both of our shoulders.
We are the book I must write.
the future that is yet to be created.
robin Feb 2018
It’s safe to say I wasn’t the problem
Of every predicament you got yourself into.
you’re still pointing fingers at everyone else besides yourself
and me I’ve started a family.
I’ve started over.
I still write to you sometimes though
With titles such as dear first love
how foolish was I
how silly we were
we can chalk it all up to a big misunderstanding
I mistook love for anger
your fists were my kisses.
and
you mistook me
for someone weak in the knees
the play doh you could mold in your hands to make me the way you wanted me
I was young, and I was foolish but that is all I was.
I know now that you were wrong
All those things you said about me.
I know now that you never really knew me. Your words have lost there sting.
people looked on, like they always do
it was not nearly what others made it out to be
but
I suppose no one will understand but us
it will die
the memories
and over the ashes I will continue to make anew.
To be improved.
robin Nov 2017
Just a ghost that you say you loved the most, you didn’t love a hair on my head until the day I was pronounced dead.    

        
Depressed
pedal to the floor
going through life
I’m looking for the color grey paint?
something dull like my life.
I’m trying to paint a picture obvious enough for you to see that I’m not happy  
not trying to be sappy, I’m really quite Suicidal
Kurt Cobain my real life idol.
you thought it was getting better, boy I really had you fooled hate hides in my pillows eating away at my perfectly created facade I wish I could
just swallow the pain like the ground swallows rain drops
Endlessly
Maybe all of this would go away
maybe things would wake up okay
90% probability of it raining tomrrow though so you must prepare for the storm coming instead of running against the wind
inhale the truth of the matter into your lungs
and breathe it out like smoke
it will only sting if you cough
try to drink some *****, shake it off
**** yourself slowly because being extreme is looked down upon
even though the drugs are in your food already and the truths everywhere for them to find it
just **** your self while you can
Stop making wishes in the well and jump in
robin Nov 2017
I want you to return me to the ground with an apology letter
Because you’re not supposed to wake the dead
forget the rumbles we thought we had in our chest you make me want to break down
pull my hair out of my head and knot a noose with it
doesn’t matter how far I’ve gotten it’s about where I’m at now
at rock bottom and you can pretend that every time you took me there it was an accident
Just another one of those things I did to myself
but you slapped away my hand every time I cried out for you to hold it
every place I asked you to kiss you ignored
I’m not the only one who feels
lifeless
you tell me I make you want to put a loaded gun in your mouth because you never feel good enough
but don’t you see I am the one who is nothing
just a bag of bones
hollow on the inside
plastic on the outside
just a ******* toy melted together
with a ******* painted on smile
the type of worthless **** you’d get in a happy meal
only I’m not happy and i haven’t been for as long as I’ve been able to remember
I am just another toy that you tinker with and destroy
Only I am not a car
You can’t troubleshoot me
and fix the problem
I am just a sour putrid pit
that you will spit out and leave in the soil
and then that soil is torn open by cold metal shovels and then I am buried inside
alone
left to rot
in a dressed up coffin.
in a dressed up life, with a dressed up family.
in a dressed up world
robin Nov 2017
Street lamps flicker like lightning bugs
low on juice
the light barely makes it out of the thick city smog alive
these blinking lanterns stretch for miles
in different directions
leading to new faces and different places and the taste of home on the tip of my tongue.
there is a whole universe beyond this highway
trees that poke holes in the clouds
And blanket the earth for hundreds of miles
they are hidden behind the fog
of the neon city lights and marketing billboards
with cheeseburgers and casinos and naked women plastered on every street corner
everyone is so distracted by the humdrum buzzing of the city
They swarm like bees to a hive  
Slaves to the machine
They are corralled into a certain way of thinking
so the elite that hide behind the curtain of sustainability and everyone else’s best interest can feed off of the ignorance the rest of us helplessly and unknowingly exude
These people are children, they are your parents maybe, your second cousin, your elderly neighbors who are blinded by there patriotism and there old habits that they can’t see reality transpiring right outside there window
people do not like to feel anything we don’t consider pleasantry
we want to ignore the bad feelings and expect instant gratification for everything we do
Forget about the cold outside and heat our houses
ignore the news because the consequences of our actions are too much to bare
so we blame it on someone else, something else far off in the distance
To distract ourselves from the fear that rattles profusely in our ribcage like a cornered snake
these people
are not educated on how to fight the system
they are taught to distract themselves with the new iPhone X
because the easiest thing to do is run when you’re in a corner into something that is soft, and warm and smells as sweet as your mother
something that absorbs the sharp blow of reality
so you don’t consciously have to.
However
there are a small few that have broken away from this way of thinking
we are told our virtues of minimalism and sustainability are unrealistic
We are labeled dreamers
laughed at
because we don’t dream in Hollywood lights
or corporate cubicles
we are the few that stare longingly into the trees past the city and dream of what’s more
to come then this mundane day to day
dragging our feet.
We are the wind, the momentum to break free
from the cold slab maze of brick wall thinking
that companies and capitalism has brainwashed us into
We must have strength
We must have courage
Even in the darkest of hours for the darkest of people  
to live by our virtues
and stand up for what we believe in
We must have discipline and live by what we say
We must lead by example
We must never stray from our purpose no matter what our parents tell us, no matter if we are told it is unrealistic or things will never work out for us in the end. They will.
We are already being forced against our will into a standardized way of thinking
Subjected to worse social punishment by the majority
it is social suicide to step out of the cultural conformities of the western civilization.
but we must.
the western mindset is a man eats world mentality
one percent of a pie
feeds off of the other 90 percent
economic canibalism
the one percent have bought there way to the top
Sold souls below them to the highest bidder
the other ninety percent of the pie
we will continue
chasing paper
like we’re chasing highs
to determine our self worth
we must break free from this toxic way of thinking
we must put an end to buying our selves clothes we don’t need and expensive foreign cars we don’t even know how to drive
Or else the cycle will continue
We will rack up mile long receipts over things we tell ourselves we need to live comfortably when we don’t
and they will win
If we keep quiet and sit still like we’ve been told to, and grow up the way it’s been modeled for us by the other cookie cutter members of society
that small slice of the pie will win  
and the rest of us
will pay for our tickets
to the end of the world.
The world has lied to you, get angry..
robin Sep 2017
i think maybe
its because i care too much
wear my heart on my sleeve
casted over in sheet metal
maybe ive just foolishly lead myself in a circle
like a dog chasing its tail
until it gets tired and falls over in a heap of confused exhaustion
i go out of my way, take time out of my day
for the wants and needs of others
and im left constantly looking for some sort of reciprocation
some sort of gratitude to make me feel accomplished with what ive done, who i am
i live on "hey thank you's" and "you did a good job" like paycheck to paycheck
only my wallet grows thinner and so does my patience as time ticks on
right now
im sitting here with my head in my hands wondering how ive lost so much to the hands of weak people with weak minds stealing my time and sanity that ive so blindly offered
i gave each and every one of them my heart when i saw they didn't have enough of their own  
opened up every doorway for them that i had closed for myself
i don't blame them though, ive always tried to never point fingers
how can i blame human nature? we are biologically designed to be selfish but for some emotionally based logical reason in my head
life is different
and the people are nice and always warm even if they are cold  
and the sun shines bright and children laugh and we don't smoke cigarettes.
im a woman of science, but  
ive always liked magic even as a kid
i was fascinated by
optical illusions and i fall for the same trick of the hand every time
because im almost nineteen and still stuck dwelling on what ifs
just a fly caught in a web trying to squiggle my way out of this mess i brought upon myself
i don't understand
give me enough time and i will though
kinda slow, i work at my own pace
but stamina wins the race
in the end
maybe,
i can crack it down to a science
if i have enough time
but i never have enough time
time beats in my chest and rots away like ash
my lungs are like molded swiss cheese
and oxygen whistles throughout the empty spaces between each of my ribs
as my lungs try there very best to oxygenate themselves
while im coughing down cigarette after cigarette
im trying to look inward
but all i see is the outward world of the faces of the people i love
and self destructive things to occupy my time with
maybe its time to stop making excuses
maybe its time to stop running
inner strength is so much more then the ability to handle ****** situations
its about finding a place in yourself where you feel at home in your own skin
its a constant journey of self discovery
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