theres blood on the wall
theres blood on them all
they just don't see it
like
you
do
.

feelings wither and die
fragile like summer blooms
this we both know
still
don't know why i bother
trying to keep them alive
though

i would beat myself up over you
but i'm trying to be good now
you know
that thing people like us try to tell ourselves we can be.
yeah.
i like being bad a little more then you do
but it makes your **** hard
so you're okay with it.
yeah.
you see there are repercussions to everything and if i let you
inside
you would
open
up
and
tug at my baby hands
and hold me close like i am just a child
with nightmares in the middle of the night
and
im not sure im okay with that
or rather im not sure i can permit that.
again.
you see brown eyed boy
i still have a life to live
i can't tempt myself with what ifs
and
you are the biggest temptation of all.
It would be only a matter of time before you'd lead me back down the self destructive path
one way or another
or perhaps
we would foolishly lead each other
hand in hand
oh so in love with the feeling of love
so i guess this is my apology in advance
my apology to the universe
i hope
you hear it on the wind someday far off in the future
when you've finally grown into your limbs and no longer think of me
because i'm not sure
my lips could ever be able to properly say the right words aloud.

The whispers in the hallways were so loud
They broke our eardrums
we both lived life muted for the longest time
You longer than me
though
I could only hear my heart beat in my head
never thought to use my brain
and you were insane
In the kind of ways
Only a man can be
And
As wed ****
i smiled through the pain
And
you'd laugh a laugh
that sounded
like a cry
And
id cry
a cry
that was silent
For the longest time
And the truth?
we buried that beside my heart and bones
Under the tombstone
that my family picked out
but it leaked out
and
It gave itself away for free
and
it all seeped  
through the cracks in your cement exterior
and I?
I was the daisy that poked up through the side walk
and refused to stop
growing
even when the odds were against it
and you?
you
didn't stop me then
and I refuse to let you  
stop me now.

cup your hands into the porous soil.
dig deep.
build
an enclave
to shelter yourself
from
the rainy season
that's a comin'
let the rows of corn grow inbetween your ribcage
in perfectly semitrical lines
and the roots become
your prison to die in.

swollen fists
swooping down like swallows
to kiss your pond water skin
the ripples transcend
as your knuckles rip through  
to the bottom
of
the pond
that's filled to the brim with laughter
that's full of tears.