artic pole vibes
     on summer days
       covered up
          with
             loving coos
                that were blanketed by
                   a cliche
                     dozen roses
                      left by my sorry excuse for               a gate
        you can deny
           any aspect of
                 you living
                      in my heart
                          but you can't not look     me in the eyes when you pass me by
              and
we both walked out of a wreckage, old friend
        only you walked out unscathed
the first time
funny how life throws you curve ***** though
       maybe now you
feel
what
it feels
like to be on your knees
                                   coughing up blood to feed the reaper
                    maybe now your ears are ringing
                 and your chest is
heaving with a seatbelt pressing up       against your neck
                and your screaming in your sleep next to me again
or maybe it was just me.

or
maybe
it wasn't.

maybe i was too quick to assume


maybe
then
we both died too.

must have been
the bath water
us kids
we're drinking
back then
or
maybe they
poisoned
the wishing well
long
before
we
we're even born
or
maybe this is something we are simply plagued with
forced to walk around
on
splintering tooth picks
for bones
stilts
built
for tip toeing around problems
and
navigating through  
dips and turns
and
this is what we were born into
this is the way we were raised
this is the way we are bred to be
sophiscated skin suits
walking-talking-dolls
filling our parents shoes before us
just another number
just another melting face in the dim lit city streets
but i can't help feeling like a
rabid animal
in a suit
a
Clawless tiger in a cage
the
anxiety running rampant in my veins
every time
I have to sit here and listen to the hum of the phone
or the daily gossip about who ****** who
there is a disease inside me
must be
like a bird hitting against a slider door
a repetition you can't get out
of your
skull
as much as you
try peeling away
at the
parts of you
that are fraying
and coming undone
when the night comes
and everyone goes home at night
you end up laying in
your
bed
praying for another day
of this
but why?
and
how?
do
i break the cycle
before the cycle
breaks me

were neck deep in cigarettes
coughing up
pennies to feed each other's piggy banks
just to get by
kissing left and right
in the hallways
that are tucked away from the prying eyes
but still just as ****** as the last
i want to be more then a pass me by- hello-how-you-doin'-grin
i want to be the alcohol that hangs on your breath
from last night
that
warmth
hanging near that soft spot on your lower lip
that
i want to take shelter on.

hold up the things i never said
like silly string
limply attached to my tongue
shine the light on the darkness in my eyes
with a dollarstore flashlight
whisper all the lies
into my pillows that
tell me
im good enough
or just breathe
it out like
smoke on my skin
your hands
nestle into
my ribcage
like there looking to build a home
feathers fall like flaky mascara
that tickles my cheeks
and
i don't know if i ever told you this
but your hair
looks like sun in the morning
daffodils-daisies
and pretty ****
like that
and your skin feels like
what i think
rain feels like
hitting against a moss kissed metal roof
lighting bolts in the distance
playing hide and seek with the thunder
again
and
if inanimate objects could shiver
they would and it
would be
at our expense
how can you be
so
cold
but taste like summer.

you had an
umbrella face.
always tried to shield me
from the sun
overtime it caught up
with me
     though
made me
  turn pale like
a ghost
like a child's silhouette in a fading fog
like a distant memory creeping
up behind you.

kiss me
like the fire burning in the back of my eye sockets
the hate building up like bubbles in my brain
hitting against the top of my skull
wanting you to
just
crack me open
and let
things surface
like
a little girls
heaving
chest
full of girly sweet nothings,
gumballs and skipping stones
suddenly empty,
just another
head bobbing against the
cement at the bottom of the
pool.