I sing to the trees
a lamentation
for the loss of you

I sing to the trees
as I look up at them
they look down at me
my lamentation
is heard

the shatters of my heart
collect like autumn leaves
under my throat
ready to be sung out
clothed in notes
of gossamer and gold

I sing to the trees
a greeting, a sorrow
for the loss of you

and the shards of my heart


c. 2017 Roberta Compton Rainwater

i. calypso

in my soul I seek the
calypso
who hides me
from myself
to keep me for herself
against all odds
I seek her
daily
and thus am
lost
to myself

ii. stupa

but this odyssey
now
has other rules
        to lose
        that self of unremitting
        joylessness
        who professes no love
        for me
        who compensates
        with fantasies
        of love unrequited
        who keeps me yearning
        for a ghost in a glass pain
        who keeps me blinded and cold-pressed
        by her charms

iii. belltower

in the rugged terrain
of the soul stands
a belltower
a beacon of measured
tones
sounding for Love
with Love
in Love
of Love

a hermes bell
commanding me back to myself


c. 2017 Roberta Compton Rainwater

the urge to Be compels
realization of landscape
in a soul
landscape made of
faith
lines on a graph made
natural by Love
moving those lines into
infinite
          coherence
infinite
          expansion
in­finite
         depth
an art beyond the known
a Love beyond the known
captured within the
landscape of the wing
and the dancing flight
of the butterfly

how is faith, Faith?

Faith is Constancy
from egg to worm to flighted
being
no matter the changes
Constancy abides within each
remarking the moment when
coherence meets Coherence
when
movement meets Movement
and the egg expands
into the infinite
inevitability --- its
ineluctable moment of Love
when love meets Love
and Is

how is love, Love?

Love is Knowing
from egg to worm to flighted
Being
it is knowing which flow
contains me
which flow is mine to express
and which expression ---
each minute expression ---
has precedence in any moment
and thus I eat
I fulfill myself
until the leaf has been
finished and I am full of
the Knowing to stop ---
to allow the expansion of faith
the expansion of Love
into another coherence
another flow
another containment within
Love
expanded beyond my present
into Presence
into a Being unknown
by any but Love
as Love
each coherence
carried on the wing

the landscape of the butterfly
painted on its wing
by Love


c. 2018 Roberta Compton Rainwater

she took deep breath of him through her eyes
he snaked through her brain down her neck straight to her heart
there he stopped to drink from that sacred bowl,
then coiled and wiggled his way to her ***.
she felt a surge as her organs shook
her breath came in bursts.
her mind snapped from her inhibition like a flag
in a stiff wind.
she knew his scent without going near him
it was fern-laced and green, and she wanted
to put her nose to him and inhale to the bottom of her lungs.
she felt his ****** mistral blow through her, warming her limbs
he was water-wind-breath, po-wa-ha.
she felt her old skin peel away in the force of his mistral,
in the clean wash of his waterlight,
and the caress of his breathing on the air around them.
she stepped out of her old pelt to reveal
the woman she had always been.


c. 1995/2017 Roberta Compton Rainwater

sound and movement telling stories
of nectar supped so sweet and golden treasure found
of adventures felt so deep a bee must dance to tell it all
to tell it all
to tell it all
a bee must dance to tell it all
and share the ecstasy of success


c. 2009/2017 Roberta Compton Rainwater

she looks at the camera
her eyes full of sadness
and gives her best smile
trying for gladness

her heart shattered long ago
and it set off alarms
for a child pulled away
from her daddy’s loving arms

don’t cry daddy
daddy don’t cry
we’ll see each other
in the sweet bye-n-bye

in the sweet bye-n-bye
truth never dies
and angels caress you and bless you
and sweep off the lies

don’t cry daddy
daddy don’t cry
it will be so much better
in the sweet bye-n-bye


c. 2024 Roberta Compton Rainwater

listen --
the sonance of this heart
is the canta of its soul
surd but for its Aum, its
Maker’s mark
for, not every sound comes
from without
nor does every Sound, sound
yet beats as a drum, felt
sonant yet surd
heard yet unheard
created yet uncreated
the paradox
of ticks, of tocks,
of the opening of a box


c. 2017 Roberta Compton Rainwater

beautiful luxury,
crumpled mid-bed
is an insanity of love

an asylum for dreamed life

into this I crawled,
unmade
arranged
not yet awakened

I dreamt of kisses from princes
incandescent with madness
now faded

my bed greets
a lament for the dead

Madness wakes its own



C. 2017 Roberta Compton Rainwater

be my soul friend
my anam cara
play my water harp
my water heart
make music of me
sing me back to
the way I was
the way I can be
the way I am with you

friend, be my soul
my anam cara
make of me a cantata
a rondo
a dance flamenco
flame me back to
the way I was
the way I can be
the way I am with you

soul, befriend me
be my anam cara
make of me a garden
a stroll through Love
give me back to
the way I was
the way I can be
the way I am


c. 2017 Roberta Compton Rainwater

the soul sometimes gets
drifted into a soulbank
gets piled on top
of other drifted souls
awaiting the next
dance with
what they love
to be embraced by the
universe and
waltzed or
tangoed or
salsa’d
into Love

patience is faith and
faith is trust in
the drift


c. 2107 Roberta Compton Rainwater

are we, yet we use our two eyes like canes
tap-tap-tapping the ground of our being
to see by echo-location
what our blind god does not:
differences

for, the non-seeing, ever-feeling, all-surrounding

One
With
Love

has no eyes for anything but
what we are:
sameness
and filters nought, nor
turns away,
nor stumbles about looking for
nothing real
to worship

for, the all-seeing is Love and
the all-feeling is Love and
the all-encompassing is Love and

blind to all else


c. 2017 Roberta Compton Rainwater

we have earned our ways out of this
marriage
the siren song of our love echoes in hollows,
disappears
awakens nothing anymore, except
companionship
shall we enter the echoes as they disappear,
look
for a hand held in softness, a hand held
fondly
a kiss gentled by years    and
tears?    or
shall we stay as we are: prope and still,
awaiting

the Beginning


c. 2017 Roberta Compton Rainwater

In memoriam G.N.


what is this landscape?

a void so vast
so constant
of a Constancy so deep and all-encompassing
that a sounder reads no depth
that the specific becomes generalized
and the general becomes pointless
like a compass without hands

my heart knows this landscape
has taken readings
and scanned maps
with ineffable instruments
to follow The Way

if I seem to ramble
I do
because this landscape bids me to
it gives no bearings and nor do I

simply: flow

I am the flow-er
the flower
minute among minutae
moving and stilling
in Constancy so vast
it leaves me breathless...
until it doesn't

c. 2009/2017 Roberta Compton Rainwater

the pleasing rhythm of
your life entrains my heart
gives it loft
to sail above myself   that
it may die and I become alive

this is nostos
gesture to Home
greater than

this is Illich’s dying from
Death
unconditioned
unconditional
conditioned by Love

your eurythmia sails me
over the seas of
my limits
and beyond the mountains of
my intents
a realization of the loft in my soulbones
reaching up as
Love reaches down

the two meet at the
phoenix star   a
supernova from our
supernova


c. 2017 Roberta Compton Rainwater

The nightness of you
terrifying in its power
to shred
to bite and crack
to maim
crawls over me
sniffs my fragrance
purrs into my ears
my heart
threatens my neck
wrestles me prone
Requires me
I surrender
my love, my Love
while you maul
chew
and lick my submission
my annihilation
out of me
The fawn that was my heart
lies bloodied
in pieces
wanting more
Of you

copyright 2017 by Roberta Compton Rainwater

fluent yet not swift
stilled surface
depth-charged movement
my soul seems to stagnate
seems to have lost the oxygen of inspiration

appearance is deceptive
for I will float you in your boat
allow you to skim over my surface
yet hide the toothy terror
under my duckweeded surface

I am never to be taken lightly
if you can take me at all

water snakes know me well


c. 2017 Roberta Compton Rainwater

i.
breathe your heart words
into my heart’s ear
say it all
my heart is a trunk
to fill
they fall into and
become
treasures
--- your words ---
effervescent with love
never dull
ever soft
forming a me
unknown to all

but you

ii.
I flew into your sky eyes
never to return
refracted by your heart
back to myself
a prism
unknown to all

but you

iii.
move your heart hands
over my heart's body
play the harp of my soul
heartstrings unsounded
until your music
made my heart sing songs
of me
unknown to all

but you


c. 2018 Roberta Compton Rainwater

I saw my heart dancing
in the park wood today
She was dark
and lithe
and graceful
She is dark because I am
discovering Her still
and am not completed yet

It's an archeology of the heart
I practice
The inner eye caught
the nuanced landscape
which foretold the fossil
With careful strokes
respectful of the treasures
within me,
I clear away
I clear away
My trowels: feelings
my brushes: tears and laughter

As they are cut away
from ego sediment and stone,
my fossil pieces
fit in place
and lock together the puzzle
that I was
that I was
It is a re-membering I do
because
because
I saw my heart dance
in the park wood today



c. 2009/2017 Roberta Compton Rainwater

those Pinteresque voices enjoy dictation
enjoy giving orders full of menace
like to see me writing their words
into books placed neatly on shelves in a bookcase
as though their sentences full of
what-ifs and that-suckses and you're-guiltys
are precious gems of wisdom
composed by Verdi's drunken librettist
for an opera maleficent, full of sound and fury

I made a secret door of the bookcase

laughing, I swung away the words
and entered the world where no menace inspires


c. 2017 Roberta Compton Rainwater

For poetry was all written
from 'The Poet' by Ralph Waldo Emerson

for poetry was all written before time was,

and whenever we can penetrate into
that region where the air is music,
we hear those primal warblings,
but we lose a word,
and substitute our own,
and thus
miswrite the poem;

for
the all-piercing, all-feeding, and
ocular air of heaven,
that
man shall never inhabit.

The religions of the world are the
ejaculations
of a few
imaginative men. The history
of hierarchies seems to show, that
all religion's error
consisted in making the symbol

too stark and
solid,
and, at last,
nothing
but an excess
of the ***** of language.



Transformation
from Care of the Soul by Thomas Moore

the soul    Thomas Moore said    is fostered
in the many turns of the labyrinth
making intimacy with the heart
a profound coupling of ego and soul
in deeps of intensity
deeps of fear
and
deeps of bliss

metamorphosis with artful participation
blushes the ivory to gold-tinged flowering
transforms by imagination
Narcissus


c. Roberta Compton Rainwater 1995/2017

your soul is a
citadel of the forgotten
a treasury of needs
and wants
a secret of which you have no reck
anymore

shall I find it
for you?
shall I open it
using the key in my heart?

or the lost one in yours?


c. 2017 Roberta Compton Rainwater

she have skinny leg
an’ knockin’ knees
she be cray-cray an’ loud
she defen’ her right to be
she drownin’ in chems ‘n’ high as a kite
she walk ever’where when she floatin’
she so ol’ she temptin’ fate
how she ain’ died is a mir’cle
Gawd mus’ reely love dat womun
‘zall I kin figger


c. 2023 Roberta Compton Rainwater

to hear your voice again
lifts it from my stomache
where it hides in pain --
to my throat
in sweet Hallelujah
a thanksgiving hymn
a gregorian chant of Love

doubt is the handmaiden of fear
who carries a basket full
of tears and banshee wailings
and makes it hard to keep
my head above the ego
yet
it is my head that is off key
my heart is on
I listen to it harmonize
with the song of your voice

that lifts my soulheart to hear


c. 2017 Roberta Compton Rainwater

I’m listening to gentle praising
the wind praises the trees
as it soughs through the leaves
the leaves tremble at the touch

birds praise the gusting air
as it carries their songs across
the nimble land to my ear
a trilling of joys and feathers

my heart joins in, making the trio
a quartet of flute, timbrel, song, and heartstrings
melodiously transporting all who listen
to join the angel choir in windy praise songs

to Life


c. 2023 Roberta Compton Rainwater

the momentum of revealing the weapon

was slowed
at the knock heard from the door

was slowed
as antioch was conjured
by your voice
as you entered the room deliberately

was slowed
to a stop
because you appeared
and the would-be thief fled


c. 2023 Roberta Compton Rainwater

This is the end time of a life
unfulfilled
a hurricane of possibilities
unexplored
storming through a life
untended
intended for Love    yet
somehow skipped
unrequited
except by Godlove
Kyrie eleison

Lord, Have Mercy


c. 2023 Roberta Compton Rainwater

the awe / ness of her

enwhelms my heart

leaves me knowing what

I don’t know

creates some / ness in her awe

anoints with laughter

and hugs

what has not


c. Roberta Compton Rainwater 2017

eddys

sound eddies around my ears
radio sound
pounding hammer sound
the water of two days ago
eddies in ghostly markings left in the sand
energy eddies around me
camellias of all colors and styles eddy through pine trees
their dead blossoms eddy
amidst the detritus of pine needles and dry branches
the talk of friends, their voices full of wonder,
eddies through the tree branches that reach into the blue
flowing in, inundating, eddyfying
creeping into the lowest spaces
crawling over weirs into emotional wells
churning, then eddying
as the ebb begins dragging everything loose with it
everything unnecessary with it
pulling the teeth out of the mouth of God,
to keep,
to treasure
to remember the eddys
each in turn.

c. Roberta Compton Rainwater, 1998-2009/2017


streams

a dry leaf dances in the stream as it eddies around the stones,
crosses the hilltops, careens off of trees immersed in it.
the stream moves fast and cold after the rain.
I hear it all around me,
the prayersong it composes and decomposes,
recycles and rebirths every moment. It delights
in the light, moves the light across lichened stones,
smoothes it through my hair and across my face.
everything moves with this stream;
there is dance, here is dance,
yonder is dance.
dance and song reverberate
in my heart
as I sit on the rocks in the midst of the stream.
it reaches up and over me, whelming some of me,
cleaning most of me.
above the valley, I am cleaned and Loved into Being.

c. Roberta Compton Rainwater, 2004-2009/2017

the answer to your unasked question
is always and ever
can’t quit you
you are planted in my heart
growing in the soil of Love given me
by our God Father
won’t quit you baby
ever and always

you ask your unasked question
in many ways
phrasing it differently each time
you un-ask it
my answer is as unchanging as God
because it comes from Him
can’t quit you
won’t quit you
ever and always

the richness of my Love’s Soil
spreads into my answer
drowning the doubt in your unasked question
lifting our hearts both
don’t wanna quit you
can’t quit you
ever and always
whispered on the Breath of Love
by the Breath of Love
to you
ever and always
in the Breath of Love

ever and always
always and ever


c. 2024 Roberta Compton Rainwater

his tears were infectious
created more tears
as they ran down the hills and vales
of his face
filled a heart to overflowing
washed it clean of its dirts and filths
infected it with grief and love
remembering loves long dead
or long moved away to anonymous
hurt a heart once more with goodbyes
unwanted
left memories like bruises on the grieving heart
and
with songs like knives scarred the soul

love hurts and heals


c. 2023 Roberta Compton Rainwater

Ishmael was thirsty
a well appeared when
God spoke

thirst is everything

Jesus asked for water
the thirsting woman at the well
was blessed to serve Him

thirst is everything

faith is the well
we dip into daily
to ease our parched souls
to fill our empty
heart-cups

faith is thirst

thirst is everything


c.2023 Roberta Compton Rainwater

ride the pain to
the center of your heart
where Wisdom lives
where Loves our Savior
ride the pain
into your soul’s core
where Wisdom grows
and sings the hymn
of your life eternal
ride the pain
to your hymn of Life
and let your heart and soul
float in God’s precious blood
so freely given
Ask and you shall be given
Seek and you shall be found
ride the pain
as Sacrifice for errors
carried by your heart
in humble surrender


c. 2024 Roberta Compton Rainwater

a fantasy of love is
a sinkhole
full of water and deaths,
of hearts torn in sacrifice to
false gods, human gods,
indignities, caricatures of reality

I gave everything to them
believing
because it was easier,
because it was the program,
the curriculum,
the single choice available to me

it made of me a cenote,
drowned my heart in waters
caught
by the stony hole
in the indifferent jungle

sank me
in a deep blue hole
waiting to be discovered
by you, who made
of me a treasure, a precious cargo
priceless
worthy
beloved


c. 2023 Roberta Compton Rainwater

perhaps you will
survive this cluster chaos
to create the lived life
you desire

perhaps

perhaps there is a
fine-toothed comb
to clear the nits from your
filaments,
nits placed there by ignorance
and nurtured with stupidity

perhaps

or

perhaps you will
discover your heart
instead -
plow it up from under
the brain’s deceit -
to reap the Love
you know you are

and always have been


c. 2023 Roberta Compton Rainwater

my heart is a codex full
page after page
of hieroglyphs of Love
a lucifer bearing my light in
pictures
words
symbols of a soul
and eyes
opened to Love
by Love


c. 2023 Roberta Compton Rainwater

cradled in this heart
another heart bound in caverned Love
beats a rhythm on a seashore
so far distant that it left footprints
as guides

fallowed in this heart
another heart encompassed in shallowed love
boats its rower on confused melody
like a splooted animal
decides

to rest

a heart unites the divides
spools slowly slowly
its Love from a wheel
winds thready gossamers together on a distaff
knits the splooted with unsplooted
a generosity unanswered by the blind
and unlooked for by the unblind

how, then, is Love chimed?
how harmonized? how composed?
how, then, is Love sung?
spool it out deep into the Universe
to be unsung
as it is plucked on the Harp of Creation


c. 2024 Roberta Compton Rainwater

cypress gets to its knees
to pray for breath
without it, breadth is not attained and
age falls away

oxygen becomes important
when rooted trees have not-enough
so
boscoyos come up from the bosque
as kneeded

how do I breathe for you
now?
you won’t root me in your soul
to
let me come up from your swampy
depth to fill your need

or mine


c. 2023 Roberta Compton Rainwater

he carried her heart in his heart
loved her despite the allegory
that was her life, despite the pity
in his eyes, despite the pity in his eyes

he carried her soul in his soul
loved her despite the spite
loved her ***** soul despite her filth,
despite the doom of her soul,
despite the doom of her soul

he loved her with his spirit
carried her spirit in his spirit
loved her despite her dooms of love
despite her dooms of love

loved her despite her dooms


c. 2023 Roberta Compton Rainwater

mother’s crustiness sometimes
stretches too far
sometimes bleeds fire
and lava runs to scorch mother’s skin

she ignites her anger
warns her children in hellish flows
to keep them safe from
her fumeroles
sacrifices herself to let them
live

and
smiles from her heart eyes
that see it all


c. 2023 Roberta Compton Rainwater

what makes a ****, a ****
is the same thing that makes
a flower, a flower
it grows where its seed puts down roots
it blossoms
attracts pollinators
the blossom dies and reseeds itself
and the plant dies

what makes a fungus, a fungus
is the same thing that makes a ****, a ****
or a flower, a flower
the I Am That I Am
creates everything in equal measure
negates judgement of anything as
less than or more than
yet allows personal preferences

a garden has no preferences
is an equal opportunity sanctuary
and a playground for
babies and old folks alike
for animals, trees, grasses, and flowers
and is a seedbed of Love
because
only the naked innocent can live in
Sanctum Sanctorum


c. 2023 Roberta Compton Rainwater

a flock needs its truth made plain
to follow
through the mists and snows
of Life
over trails unknown and
dangers unseen

and needs the staff and rod
of honesty
to guide it through
rocky rivers and gorges cut deep
from stone

Love is a bellwether
that leads us to its fold


c. 2023 Roberta Compton Rainwater

how exquisite is my sky today!
rosey and white cloud-banked around
her smile
her ever-present smile
sun-brightened
twittering
moon-brightened
humming
how lovely is my sky today!
bears love her
buffaloes move under her
winds scrub her cerulean eyes clean
storms race past her
pushing beyond her domed curve
to the sea
cloud-ridden, she lets them win
how precious is my sky today!
a treasure at the end of the rainbow
a ray of hope for all
is my sky today!


c. 2023 Roberta Compton Rainwater

my spiritual heart creates
tondo    a constant
whirl
reaching into my soul
depths.   refining
cleaning
glistering
me
preparing me
anointing me
washing my feet

my heart is a tondo
circulates my essences
infinitely
in my body
washing me

the brain is a tondo
that dies last
after killing the body
from
inside
out
washing me

for my death


c. 2023 Roberta Compton Rainwater

his appearance was ordinary
same amount of human parts
distributed as usual
he was not special, in that way

yet….there was SOMEthing about him…
something in his blue-sky eyes
his attractiveness
his cleanness
the allure of his voice

he oozed wisdom
protection
goofiness
smarts
laughter
quick responses
anger where merited
terrifying adeptness
horrifying experience
patience
spoke only Truth
loved to prank us
gave second-third-fourth chances
got angry when we died
acted out at our funerals
mourned our deaths forever
always said Yes
and, most importantly,
Loved
as God Loves
gave forgiveness
generosity of heart
Sacredness
to all, no matter what
no. matter. what.

Sun-crowned
he used himself up
in God’s Service
Spirit-crowned
he gave it all to his Heavenly Father


c. 2023 Roberta Compton Rainwater

cloud sandbars resting above scudding
cloud-puffs racing northward
anchor the skypath as
guideposts to their next assignment

layered winds move cloudish air
from there to there
as crows caw and dogs bark
while dry leaf-fall skitters on concrete
to seed the moving air with praise song

the clouds steady march along the skypath
as though intent with purpose
listening to the songwinds
taking no credit themselves
giving it all to God


c. 2024 Roberta Compton Rainwater

1
I am blinded by stupidity
as though drunk on it
stupidity made to look normal
to me
teetering on toes
unbalanced and moving along
this rough road
I am trying to find a way through to
myself
by the seat of my pants

a hand stretches to me
large and meaty, strong and gentle
yet I hesitate to take
it in mine
what woozy stupidity sees
is always wrong and never true

                    2
my heart is breakened
the way a wave breaks on a wall
shatters into tatters and shards
releases into the outstretched hand
all the hard surface it was
all the soft torn sheets
of love saved in hardness
all the gentled pieces of me sharpened
by betrayal
into shards
and the floods of salted tears
from verbal slaps and punches, stored
like holy water

my heart becomes a cabinet with locks
stuffed with
broken
sharded
pieces of me
in need of kintsugi

                         3
I float
am buoyed by the salted tears
in the Sea of Forgetfulness
the sea where sins are thrown
never to resurface
a riptide of Love
drowns me
tumbles me about
washes me clean
rounds and smooths
my edges
puts me back together
ashore - safe, sound of body
and mind

                       4
I find my way through
with help from
the Eternal Force
warm as heated, crystalline air
soft as a spring breeze
safe as breath on skin
secure as the spirit of a mountain


c. 2023 Roberta Compton Rainwater

this human life seems
always to be crawling
each moment justified
by
anything but God

its movement neither
to nor fro
back nor forward
for nor against
for
anything but God

but
Love changes waiting
to Wisdom
and
movement
away from anything

but God


c. 2024 Roberta Compton Rainwater

the man in the yard rakes leaves
splashes them into a pile
flourishes his rake over and over
swashbuckling like a Hollywood pirate
in a choreographed action scene
as though he’s dancing,
his diligence giving him grace
his movements clear the grass of the litter
changing brown to green
he begins on another area, raking motions
like gentle waves on a beach
forward, backward, side-to-side
repeating them again and again
revealing more green
swashing the yard with his rake-sword
a ballroom dancer with no audience but me
in standing ovation


c. 2023 Roberta Compton Rainwater

Shin

you tower over me
in every way
possible
soul
spirit
being
goodness and
Love

Soe

I reach to touch you
short by several measures
wanting to put my blossom
beside you
upright yet wanting
ever wanting to
reach your heights

Tai

grounded
I keep my soul stilled
nearest your feet
nearest your earthed roots
to balance the wanting
wanting
wanting
in my being
to be yours


c. 2023 Roberta Compton Rainwater

stripping the large leaves from the stalks
starts the process
sorting and carrying green tobacco leaves
to the barn
where bundles are created and tied
then mounted on the hanging sticks
readies them for the cooking fire
farm hands balance on narrow boards
twenty feet up from the floor where
fifty feet up, rafters wait
for the bundles to be hung, carefully placed
to allow warmed air to circulate among them
fires are carefully started at floor level
and cooking begins
for days, the bunched leaves are dried
while a farmhand checks them daily
braving one hundred eighty degree heat
high in the rafters
making sure air flow remains steady over all
and tobacco is cooked

preparing and cooking tobacco
seems much like human courting ritual
gathering
bundling
creating a curing space
feeling heated
allowing feelings to move as they must
over, under, around, and through
until the relationship has cooked


c. 2024 Roberta Compton Rainwater