it is the deepest teaching of
them all
that a sacrifice must come
before the blessing

yet many
are stopped by It

to receive the chrism
of Blood
which saves and erases
what was
transforms those who ask for It
into a blank slate
with a tender heart
and an open eye

because
surrender makes Whole
makes Holy
the anointed

for
Sacrifice must come
before
Blessing



c. 2024 Roberta Compton Rainwater

this human life seems
always to be crawling
each moment justified
by
anything but God

its movement neither
to nor fro
back nor forward
for nor against
for
anything but God

but
Love changes waiting
to Wisdom
and
movement
away from anything

but God


c. 2024 Roberta Compton Rainwater

it was excruciating to watch
the boiling in oil
listening, though never a sound was made
nor a struggle against

excruciating
to see a skinless man crawling over stones
silent as a sleeping lamb
blind yet fully bright

excruciating
to watch as he signed
asking for writing materials
then, on his stomach, begin to write

as though he still has fingers
as though he still has eyes

his story is a vision
written with spirit fingers
and eyes
listening to the Inner Voice

the only sounds
the scratching of a stylus across papyrus
and the sighing of Breath
as he listens


c. 2024 Roberta Compton Rainwater

truth begets Truth
trust begets Trust
Life begets seed
seed begets life
Life begets Life
life begets life

like attracts like

there is no versus
no againsts
what is created here
is matched
whether perceived right or wrong

Like attracts Like

as a child grows
and develops
so its soul allows
when guidance is missing
or when it isn’t

like attracts like

give your heart to God
follow His Heartsong
alone
then all the titfers
become only Tats


c. 2024 Roberta Compton Rainwater

the answer to your unasked question
is always and ever
can’t quit you
you are planted in my heart
growing in the soil of Love given me
by our God Father
won’t quit you baby
ever and always

you ask your unasked question
in many ways
phrasing it differently each time
you un-ask it
my answer is as unchanging as God
because it comes from Him
can’t quit you
won’t quit you
ever and always

the richness of my Love’s Soil
spreads into my answer
drowning the doubt in your unasked question
lifting our hearts both
don’t wanna quit you
can’t quit you
ever and always
whispered on the Breath of Love
by the Breath of Love
to you
ever and always
in the Breath of Love

ever and always
always and ever


c. 2024 Roberta Compton Rainwater

a habit comes to its end
when mirrored - if you let it
if the distress of keeping it
nurturing it
doesn’t **** you first
the brain doesn’t let go easily
produces obstacles
relentlessly
forcing a reckoning
a picking apart
a loss of what was

when the releasing ends
justice floods in
pushes the habit off its mooring
ungently
crashes it into the prison walls
breaking it apart to make
a puzzle of it and
sorting begins:
does any of it fit anymore?

justice completes the reckoning
sorts the habit’s habits
into piles
and crushes them to dust
dust to dust to nonexistent
who is this being now?
no one
everyone
potential
as a child is potential
while the glory of the habit
of the Ichabod
becomes anonymous
and the Heart takes over


c. 2024 Roberta Compton Rainwater

sitting in a space surrounded
by rain, I become rainish
I puddle up with distopia
gather rainish-soaked bitter memories
into my heart as though they’re precious
and necessary
my brain acting as rainish gauge
tracking un-data for the un-stats
for making claims like presidential
candidates

the heart knows Truth, knows Love
and never falters nor complains
the heart rests in comfort
like a baby rests in cradling arms
ignores rainish thoughts
and bittered memories
surrounds me with treasured ones
instead
gently leading me back to center

hearting me back to God


c. 2024 Roberta Compton Rainwater

ride the pain to
the center of your heart
where Wisdom lives
where Loves our Savior
ride the pain
into your soul’s core
where Wisdom grows
and sings the hymn
of your life eternal
ride the pain
to your hymn of Life
and let your heart and soul
float in God’s precious blood
so freely given
Ask and you shall be given
Seek and you shall be found
ride the pain
as Sacrifice for errors
carried by your heart
in humble surrender


c. 2024 Roberta Compton Rainwater

stripping the large leaves from the stalks
starts the process
sorting and carrying green tobacco leaves
to the barn
where bundles are created and tied
then mounted on the hanging sticks
readies them for the cooking fire
farm hands balance on narrow boards
twenty feet up from the floor where
fifty feet up, rafters wait
for the bundles to be hung, carefully placed
to allow warmed air to circulate among them
fires are carefully started at floor level
and cooking begins
for days, the bunched leaves are dried
while a farmhand checks them daily
braving one hundred eighty degree heat
high in the rafters
making sure air flow remains steady over all
and tobacco is cooked

preparing and cooking tobacco
seems much like human courting ritual
gathering
bundling
creating a curing space
feeling heated
allowing feelings to move as they must
over, under, around, and through
until the relationship has cooked


c. 2024 Roberta Compton Rainwater

cloud sandbars resting above scudding
cloud-puffs racing northward
anchor the skypath as
guideposts to their next assignment

layered winds move cloudish air
from there to there
as crows caw and dogs bark
while dry leaf-fall skitters on concrete
to seed the moving air with praise song

the clouds steady march along the skypath
as though intent with purpose
listening to the songwinds
taking no credit themselves
giving it all to God


c. 2024 Roberta Compton Rainwater

cradled in this heart
another heart bound in caverned Love
beats a rhythm on a seashore
so far distant that it left footprints
as guides

fallowed in this heart
another heart encompassed in shallowed love
boats its rower on confused melody
like a splooted animal
decides

to rest

a heart unites the divides
spools slowly slowly
its Love from a wheel
winds thready gossamers together on a distaff
knits the splooted with unsplooted
a generosity unanswered by the blind
and unlooked for by the unblind

how, then, is Love chimed?
how harmonized? how composed?
how, then, is Love sung?
spool it out deep into the Universe
to be unsung
as it is plucked on the Harp of Creation


c. 2024 Roberta Compton Rainwater

don’t give up on me
please
You are my heart
my reason to be
keep me ever in Hand

don’t give up on me
please
You are the Soul of my soul
my reason for life
keep me ever in Hand

don’t give up on me
please
You are the Keeper of my being
I surrendered my will to Thee
keep me ever in Hand

don’t give up on me
please
You are my eternal prayer
I surrendered my ease to Thee
keep me ever in Hand

guide me
please
through this hard and tortuous existence
that I might kneel to Thee in Heaven
where You will
keep me ever in Hand


c. 2024 Roberta Compton Rainwater

when I was fourteen
I still felt foreteen
there but not there
here but not here
there but not here
here but not there

I was opposite my opposite
an opposition of opposite
turning my heart
from right to wrong to left again
absent my mind and
immersed in brain
immersed in heart but
lacking soul
immersed in mind but
absent body
lacking sense and finding no joy
spending myself in neverending treasure hunts
the coinage of foreteen going on
fourteen


c. 2024 Roberta Compton Rainwater

she looks at the camera
her eyes full of sadness
and gives her best smile
trying for gladness

her heart shattered long ago
and it set off alarms
for a child pulled away
from her daddy’s loving arms

don’t cry daddy
daddy don’t cry
we’ll see each other
in the sweet bye-n-bye

in the sweet bye-n-bye
truth never dies
and angels caress you and bless you
and sweep off the lies

don’t cry daddy
daddy don’t cry
it will be so much better
in the sweet bye-n-bye


c. 2024 Roberta Compton Rainwater

is not what we’ve been taught it is
we do not fall In Love
we do not swim in a Sea of Love
with our lover

when we Choose Love
it is a sober decision
made by our heart, not our mind
not merely felt
made not by attraction of any kind

it is a state of being into which we step
being is tangible and alive
it is motion, direction, choice
it is not shifting sand
but consistency - a rock on which to build

falling in is accident
stepping in is purposeful
Love is universal not singular
Love accepts, does not reject
Love cherishes and caresses
it upholds and defends
does not look negatively or judge
it is ecumenical but not religious

Love is neither a cult nor a culture
it needs nothing to engender it
being Is
being In is stepping over a threshold
into ourselves
it is recognizing that we are Love already
and cannot fall into it ever
Love Is Being human
if we would let it


c. 2024 Roberta Compton Rainwater

she have skinny leg
an’ knockin’ knees
she be cray-cray an’ loud
she defen’ her right to be
she drownin’ in chems ‘n’ high as a kite
she walk ever’where when she floatin’
she so ol’ she temptin’ fate
how she ain’ died is a mir’cle
Gawd mus’ reely love dat womun
‘zall I kin figger


c. 2023 Roberta Compton Rainwater

the momentum of revealing the weapon

was slowed
at the knock heard from the door

was slowed
as antioch was conjured
by your voice
as you entered the room deliberately

was slowed
to a stop
because you appeared
and the would-be thief fled


c. 2023 Roberta Compton Rainwater

his tears were infectious
created more tears
as they ran down the hills and vales
of his face
filled a heart to overflowing
washed it clean of its dirts and filths
infected it with grief and love
remembering loves long dead
or long moved away to anonymous
hurt a heart once more with goodbyes
unwanted
left memories like bruises on the grieving heart
and
with songs like knives scarred the soul

love hurts and heals


c. 2023 Roberta Compton Rainwater

1.
drawn from the Horeb stone by
Moses when he struck it
to satisfy the thirsting people
water gushed forth and
Moses sealed his fate

quarrel and strife create death

the water of meribah created the
ultimate sacrifice to God
led Moses to the mount to die
only allowed to see the land promised to his tribe
never to cross the river
never to step foot on the land
or to know its freedom
its milk and honey
forty years of service set aside for one unruly act
a sorrow unbearable

yet, the blessing of his service remains


2.
the water of meribah was to be a baptism
marking the finish of wandering
a cleansing of a people wearied of the desert
a breaking of monotony
a blessing
a chance to begin again, pristine
a gift from God to His people


3.
cleanliness is Godliness
trimming your lamp wicks
is preparing for a new life
as a bride
as a groom
as a people chosen by God for Himself
water is Life
necessary to slaking thirst
both temporal and spiritual
water is holy
necessary to washing us of dirts and sins


4.
and the story of meribah teaches us still
listen carefully
be patient when you work
serve diligently
admit your mistake
accept consequences humbly
blame no one else
be grateful to The Eternal One
for your life as a chosen one
and for your death as a humble one


c. 2023 Roberta Compton Rainwater

what makes a ****, a ****
is the same thing that makes
a flower, a flower
it grows where its seed puts down roots
it blossoms
attracts pollinators
the blossom dies and reseeds itself
and the plant dies

what makes a fungus, a fungus
is the same thing that makes a ****, a ****
or a flower, a flower
the I Am That I Am
creates everything in equal measure
negates judgement of anything as
less than or more than
yet allows personal preferences

a garden has no preferences
is an equal opportunity sanctuary
and a playground for
babies and old folks alike
for animals, trees, grasses, and flowers
and is a seedbed of Love
because
only the naked innocent can live in
Sanctum Sanctorum


c. 2023 Roberta Compton Rainwater

he carried her heart in his heart
loved her despite the allegory
that was her life, despite the pity
in his eyes, despite the pity in his eyes

he carried her soul in his soul
loved her despite the spite
loved her ***** soul despite her filth,
despite the doom of her soul,
despite the doom of her soul

he loved her with his spirit
carried her spirit in his spirit
loved her despite her dooms of love
despite her dooms of love

loved her despite her dooms


c. 2023 Roberta Compton Rainwater

the man in the yard rakes leaves
splashes them into a pile
flourishes his rake over and over
swashbuckling like a Hollywood pirate
in a choreographed action scene
as though he’s dancing,
his diligence giving him grace
his movements clear the grass of the litter
changing brown to green
he begins on another area, raking motions
like gentle waves on a beach
forward, backward, side-to-side
repeating them again and again
revealing more green
swashing the yard with his rake-sword
a ballroom dancer with no audience but me
in standing ovation


c. 2023 Roberta Compton Rainwater

a wearied heart dislikes a drawbridge
set to keep one out while letting one in
wearied by the stop and go
of the flow across it and of the flow under it

wearied of the constant up-and-down
pulling up, letting down
the never-ending demand for passwords
the disappointment in the incorrect answers

the fear that it chose wrong
that it will regret this choice
and thus it keeps out more than it allows in
gives more than it gets, which is just enough

just enough to keep it fed by hope
just enough to keep it alive and yearning
just enough of just enough
just enough of only enough

yet, that mustard seed of hope grows,
flowers, then casts more seeds,
fields of hope cover the heart
and Love returns, pure, immaculate

then the bascule ceases its wearying monotony
ceases its thoughtless habitual movements
settles into place, allows the natural flow
of letting-in and clearing-out to commence

beginning with Hope, Gratitude, and Love
ending with Life eternal


c. 2023 Roberta Compton Rainwater

my brain puddles as though stopped
soaks in its damp, rising steadily
as though going to some heavenly place
where it’s safe from evaporating
a constancy in reverse

brain storm
fake lightning strikes and thunderings
believes its puddles are wet and deep
believes its windy sky with skudding clouds
believes the wind is stronger than it is
believes it can blow it away
and gust it clean
rainish

the heart knows the truth
Love is stronger and steadier than truth
Love defeats truth
Love defeats evil
Love washes us pristine and pure
knows that rainish is mirage
uncreated
uncreative
uninspired and dis-spirited
knows that

only God is Love


c. 2023 Roberta Compton Rainwater

blue fire surrounds you
tints you sacred
extends itself in waves
to all who meet you
saves
them from their ignorance
and the a-theism of their minds
saves
them from their dis-ease of the heart
begins to bond them to themselves
and baptizes them in the Blood

this is no strange fire
it is the fire of the burning bush
the fire that leads by night
and is smoke by day
ever present in the wilderness
of exodus:
the blue fire of Love


c. 2023 Roberta Compton Rainwater

his appearance was ordinary
same amount of human parts
distributed as usual
he was not special, in that way

yet….there was SOMEthing about him…
something in his blue-sky eyes
his attractiveness
his cleanness
the allure of his voice

he oozed wisdom
protection
goofiness
smarts
laughter
quick responses
anger where merited
terrifying adeptness
horrifying experience
patience
spoke only Truth
loved to prank us
gave second-third-fourth chances
got angry when we died
acted out at our funerals
mourned our deaths forever
always said Yes
and, most importantly,
Loved
as God Loves
gave forgiveness
generosity of heart
Sacredness
to all, no matter what
no. matter. what.

Sun-crowned
he used himself up
in God’s Service
Spirit-crowned
he gave it all to his Heavenly Father


c. 2023 Roberta Compton Rainwater

1
I am blinded by stupidity
as though drunk on it
stupidity made to look normal
to me
teetering on toes
unbalanced and moving along
this rough road
I am trying to find a way through to
myself
by the seat of my pants

a hand stretches to me
large and meaty, strong and gentle
yet I hesitate to take
it in mine
what woozy stupidity sees
is always wrong and never true

                    2
my heart is breakened
the way a wave breaks on a wall
shatters into tatters and shards
releases into the outstretched hand
all the hard surface it was
all the soft torn sheets
of love saved in hardness
all the gentled pieces of me sharpened
by betrayal
into shards
and the floods of salted tears
from verbal slaps and punches, stored
like holy water

my heart becomes a cabinet with locks
stuffed with
broken
sharded
pieces of me
in need of kintsugi

                         3
I float
am buoyed by the salted tears
in the Sea of Forgetfulness
the sea where sins are thrown
never to resurface
a riptide of Love
drowns me
tumbles me about
washes me clean
rounds and smooths
my edges
puts me back together
ashore - safe, sound of body
and mind

                       4
I find my way through
with help from
the Eternal Force
warm as heated, crystalline air
soft as a spring breeze
safe as breath on skin
secure as the spirit of a mountain


c. 2023 Roberta Compton Rainwater

perhaps you will
survive this cluster chaos
to create the lived life
you desire

perhaps

perhaps there is a
fine-toothed comb
to clear the nits from your
filaments,
nits placed there by ignorance
and nurtured with stupidity

perhaps

or

perhaps you will
discover your heart
instead -
plow it up from under
the brain’s deceit -
to reap the Love
you know you are

and always have been


c. 2023 Roberta Compton Rainwater

black Americans stroll
past my car
on this warm November day
pursuing who-knows-what
as I wait for
who-knows-what to
complete

I’ve forgotten how it feels
to be a child out of
school
these strollers remind me
of those freer times
but
I’m old now and
sensing the end of my long life
not morbid:
practical

and despite that thought
I’m joyous
waiting for
who-knows-what
to complete

because life is more
than thought
and
way beyond death


c. 2023 Roberta Compton Rainwater

a road outside the house
rowed itself over the rough
unstable sward
to the end of Time
there to guide all
as though needed
more than Light


c. 2023 Roberta Compton Rainwater

how exquisite is my sky today!
rosey and white cloud-banked around
her smile
her ever-present smile
sun-brightened
twittering
moon-brightened
humming
how lovely is my sky today!
bears love her
buffaloes move under her
winds scrub her cerulean eyes clean
storms race past her
pushing beyond her domed curve
to the sea
cloud-ridden, she lets them win
how precious is my sky today!
a treasure at the end of the rainbow
a ray of hope for all
is my sky today!


c. 2023 Roberta Compton Rainwater

I’m listening to gentle praising
the wind praises the trees
as it soughs through the leaves
the leaves tremble at the touch

birds praise the gusting air
as it carries their songs across
the nimble land to my ear
a trilling of joys and feathers

my heart joins in, making the trio
a quartet of flute, timbrel, song, and heartstrings
melodiously transporting all who listen
to join the angel choir in windy praise songs

to Life


c. 2023 Roberta Compton Rainwater

dense with stories
written on diaphanous pages
tales of love and dishonor
battles and travelers
torturers and healers
killers
mystical
mysterious
maculate
biblical
-read

fluid with melody
written in grace notes
and notes of grace
on staves like wires on poles
wrenching
beatific
dramatic
sensual
spiritual
-heard

movin­g with color
created in visions
brushed with the fire of gods
dull
plain
painful
exquisite
delicate
beauteous
-seen

touch­ed by angelic hands
formed of the earth
tempered in water
molten
chipped
hammered and carved
to perfection
spatial
dynamic
rounded
softened
crystalline
-containe­d

-felt


c. 2023 Roberta Compton Rainwater

there’s a child growing
in me
she moves and kicks
knows my voice - loves its music -
listens to my heart, beneath which
she thrives - loves its rhythms -
urges me to eat hearty
- loves the food I eat -
makes me dance
- loses control when I cut loose -

I remember!
she is the joy I once had
before birth into this spoof
this
virtual reality
this
emotional chaos

there’s a child growing
in me
she will be borne
not born
she is me
my Soul returned
from an exile
too long endured
mourned for
missed
longed for
returned at last from neverland
no longer
a sacrifice to a life unlived


c. 2023 Roberta Compton Rainwater

we have it backwards:
fear of others
when
we are likelier to hurt others first
therefore
be skurred of ourselves
rather than others

then watch how
God enters our lives
on the quietus
gentle
forgiving
watchful
protective

and being skurred
turns to courage and

caring for others
first
last
always


c. 2023 Roberta Compton Rainwater

plucked strings play dooms of love
as my Father moves over them
agonizing
guitar strings into torture
victorious   heated   triumphant
****** sacrifice
crucifixion by melody
made holy despite unimaginable selfishness
wiring His Wounds into connective tissues
through tsunamic surgery
opening ways covered in blood
but we choose to live in our dooms
our pink dooms of disbelief
rose colored glassy, glistering lies
and glossic dooms of disbeliefs

“I am become comfortably numb”


c. 2023 Roberta Compton Rainwater

the language of my heart
reduces to symbols
unspeakable
kanjis whose colors are bright
precisely painted
with brushes, imbued with
unknown meanings
as read by blinded eyes
obscured deliberately, without
a key

without
God
a cipher is my heart
a living kanji whose meaning is
undiscoverable
without the cleansing
blood sacrifice of the sang real
a living grail
made unspeakable and holy by
Love


c. 2023 Roberta Compton Rainwater

my blue eyes
when deeply angered
(too often)

your blue eyes
when I’m dangerously close
to angering you
(too often)

my thin lips
when insulted beyond
my humor

your thin lips
when anyone is insulted

we are so different
and
yet, so similar

I am flesh
you are spirit
ensouled in flesh

my adamantine
is selfish
yours,
un

my path now
to follow
to learn the lesson
of adamantine being,
selflessly


c. 2023 Roberta Compton Rainwater

Shin

you tower over me
in every way
possible
soul
spirit
being
goodness and
Love

Soe

I reach to touch you
short by several measures
wanting to put my blossom
beside you
upright yet wanting
ever wanting to
reach your heights

Tai

grounded
I keep my soul stilled
nearest your feet
nearest your earthed roots
to balance the wanting
wanting
wanting
in my being
to be yours


c. 2023 Roberta Compton Rainwater

and thus it goes
circular and direct
feminine and masculine
woman and man
and not in that order
in God’s judgement

it’s in the breath
which He put in man
as his blessing
to give strength for hard labor
not in the rib that is woman’s
blessing
to give strength for childbirth

God’s judgement is
all that matters
it is done

tamam shud


c. 2023 Roberta Compton Rainwater

there burns midst a
soul
within the breadth of
holiness

a starry fire
to
birth itself
of living Light

and enflame the
mystery
of holiness
hidden within the heart-rose

which
like the water lily
rises from depth
unknowable

from heated unknowable
depth
from infinite unknowable
holiness
from burning intimate
creation

amidst us


c. 2023 Roberta Compton Rainwater

strike the belled brain
no resonance -
melted life out of Life
then keeps the lifeless
inactive -

testing faith

caress the tingling soul
exciting neurons -
flowed love into Love
then renders it into joy
dancing -

with faith

punch the reckless body
bringing forth blood
mingling hurt with fear
black then blue
running -

without hope

paddle the floating canoe
breaking the water’s surface
rippling it into waves
streaming a wake
gently -

moving in faith and hope

toward


c. 2023 Roberta Compton Rainwater

blue-skinned and
divine,
the god moved in play -
maya

then created on two continents
two peoples
of a particular blue -
maya

related
but not

maya blue
brought
them together in spirit
in a blue
that began as maya -
play -

but ended in blue agony
and blue abandonment
as maya became
the Maya

who then disappeared
into the blue


c. 2023 Roberta Compton Rainwater

Ishmael was thirsty
a well appeared when
God spoke

thirst is everything

Jesus asked for water
the thirsting woman at the well
was blessed to serve Him

thirst is everything

faith is the well
we dip into daily
to ease our parched souls
to fill our empty
heart-cups

faith is thirst

thirst is everything


c.2023 Roberta Compton Rainwater

my spiritual heart creates
tondo    a constant
whirl
reaching into my soul
depths.   refining
cleaning
glistering
me
preparing me
anointing me
washing my feet

my heart is a tondo
circulates my essences
infinitely
in my body
washing me

the brain is a tondo
that dies last
after killing the body
from
inside
out
washing me

for my death


c. 2023 Roberta Compton Rainwater

mother’s crustiness sometimes
stretches too far
sometimes bleeds fire
and lava runs to scorch mother’s skin

she ignites her anger
warns her children in hellish flows
to keep them safe from
her fumeroles
sacrifices herself to let them
live

and
smiles from her heart eyes
that see it all


c. 2023 Roberta Compton Rainwater

cypress gets to its knees
to pray for breath
without it, breadth is not attained and
age falls away

oxygen becomes important
when rooted trees have not-enough
so
boscoyos come up from the bosque
as kneeded

how do I breathe for you
now?
you won’t root me in your soul
to
let me come up from your swampy
depth to fill your need

or mine


c. 2023 Roberta Compton Rainwater

a fantasy of love is
a sinkhole
full of water and deaths,
of hearts torn in sacrifice to
false gods, human gods,
indignities, caricatures of reality

I gave everything to them
believing
because it was easier,
because it was the program,
the curriculum,
the single choice available to me

it made of me a cenote,
drowned my heart in waters
caught
by the stony hole
in the indifferent jungle

sank me
in a deep blue hole
waiting to be discovered
by you, who made
of me a treasure, a precious cargo
priceless
worthy
beloved


c. 2023 Roberta Compton Rainwater

it’s like,
I ride songs into sweet
remembers
of my daddy
of my friends
of my sister, and my twin

I float in a star-strewn nebula,
a compostella, each star
a different scene and cast,
each a member of my asterism of
memories
each and all beloved
clear as the ringing of a bell
flooding my eyes with tears
of sorrow and joy and laughter

I ride music like
a flying carpet lifts on the magical,
gently carrying my heart
into the beauty and sorrow and laughter
of Love lost and
Love found


c. 2023 Roberta Compton Rainwater

my heart is a codex full
page after page
of hieroglyphs of Love
a lucifer bearing my light in
pictures
words
symbols of a soul
and eyes
opened to Love
by Love


c. 2023 Roberta Compton Rainwater