I fell deep
the steel - cold blue well
of unwitting wishes
sun silhouetted, blinding me
picnic blanket lazy days
wet petals, soft your kisses
deep the lake, some dive drowning in
or breathe their way back
home again

Grey
the darkness
deepened

Delia who had bedded her
French nanny at fourteen
and had hot *** with the head

girl at boarding school, now
lies beside the arts tutor named
Ms Shopton in college. She has

explored the woman’s body from
top to toe. Invaded each orifice
and landed her ninety ninth

plus umpteenth kiss. Sunlight
pours through the high window,
the woman’s scent and body

odour invades the bed. She has
kissed most parts that can be kissed,
scanned the woman’s skin, taking

in the freckles, the spots, the mole
inside the left thigh, run her finger
along the spine. She watches the

woman sleep, the mouth slightly ajar,
the perfect teeth, the tongue (who
knows where that has been) touching

the corner of the lips. She may well
get a high A for this piece of art work,
the effort put in, the juices taken out,

the ******* and touching, the final lay.
She breathes in the air, runs her tongue
across her own damp lips. She hears

the college bell, the time to get up, the
breakfast call, the wide awake stare.
The woman beside her sleeps on, lying

worn out, out for the count, lying there.

Those are Bullfinch’s eggs
Jane said
pointing at
the 5 eggs

in a nest
hidden in a hedge  
and as she pointed
you imagined

that some god
modelled all female fingers
on that before you
how the nail was set

so perfectly
on the finger’s tip
the colour pinkish white
the skin almost blending in

we mustn’t disturb
she added
or the mother bird
will fly away

and not return
oh right
you said
gazing at the eggs

once her finger
had been removed
from the hedge
you studied

the pale blue eggs
speckled there
and sensed her presence
near your cheek

the lavender
that she wore
the way her hair dark
coming to her shoulders

was tied back
from her face
some collect them
Jane said

and pierce the top
and bottom
and blow through the contents
and have them on display

do they?
you said
seeing the sad expression
she wore

why is that?
you asked
she stood back
from the hedgerow

and looking at you
with her dark eyes
said
because they must have

they have to collect
what is there
for all to see
they must just have

for themselves alone
the May sun
was shining warm
and she took your hand

in hers and walked
you on along the lane
the small stream running
by the lane’s edge

her grey skirt
and white blouse
and white socks
giving her a plain look

but her eyes lit up
and she smiled again
and you wanted
at that moment

as she held your hand
for that hour
to be there forever
not to be lost

thinking you knew then
the depth of love
and not its loss
of that

and feeling sense
and not the cost.

You saw Judy on the south wing
of the old folks nursing home
near to Mr Atkinson’s room
carrying towels in her arms

I need to speak to you
you said
what about?
she asked

you playfully bundled her
into Bob Atkinson’s room
(he was either
in the lounge

or out down town
hobbling along
for small items of shopping
or at the second-hand

book shop looking
for boy’s annuals
of yesteryear
which he read

from cover to cover
before cutting out
the pictures
and sticking them

in albums)
what are you doing?
she said
what if Bob comes in?

he won’t
he’s out
you said
but what if he does?

she whispered
well unless I was rogering you
to kingdom come
I don’t think he’d mind

you said
pressing her 5’5’’ body
against the door
and looking into her

grey blue eyes
she gazed
into your eyes
and said

what do you need
to talk to me about?
I think I’m in love with you
you said

she sighed
that’s the umpteen time
you’ve told me that
she said  

she dropped the towels
on Bob’s bed
and put her arms
around your waist

and drew you closer
you moved your left hand
around her back
and your right hand

on her buttocks
and said
that’s because it’s
umpteen times worse

or better depending
how you look at it
she kissed you on the lips
and you sensed

her tongue touch yours
her eyes closed
and you closed yours
the room becoming

a far away place
her perfume blending
into the air about you
the ticktock of Bob’s

old clock on the bedside table
like some metronome
setting the pace
as if it was all part

of some song or some
deep aspect
of a Bruckner symphony
she pushed you away

and said
it’s nearly break time
and people will wonder
why we’re not there

and put one
and one together
ok
you said

removing your hand
from her ****
the warmth still there
her eyes still captured

in your inner self
thank you
for the Chagall postcard
I’ve put it on

my bedside table
along with that photo
you gave me of you
got to go

she said
and opened the door
and walked off
down the passage

you looked around
Bob’s room
at the ticking clock
and the blue

candlewick cover
and the picture
of some boy
cut out of some

old annual
chasing a dog
over a field
and Judy’s lips

and tongue
seemed still
to be there
in your mouth

and her hand enfolding
your waist and back
and Peter in the pants
going all slack.

Miss Pinkie
(she dropped the Mrs
when the divorce
came through)

liked to put on
Mahler’s 1st symphony
when he came around
and he brought

the bottle of scotch
and when she let him in
she said
ah Professor

you have brought
the *****
I shall slip into something
more comfortable later

and she closed the door
behind him
and followed him
up the passage

her flip-flops
flapping behind him
like some penguin
and already he could hear

the opening bars
of the Mahler
as he entered the lounge
and smelt her perfume

and she took the bottle
and he said
I’ve selected the poems
for my first book

and she said
from the kitchen
o good
you’ll have to let me

read them before you
send them off
sure
he replied

sitting on her sofa
remembering where
he’d made love last time
and how he almost

fell off the sofa
but clung onto
her ample flesh in time
and how she laughed

and said
man overboard
throw him a lifebuoy
and as she came

with two glasses of the *****
and set them down
on the table
she sat down next to him

and kissed his cheek
and said
thanks for the *****
and for coming

and hey loosen that collar
this is no funeral
and her fingers undid
his shirt collar

down half way
and she rubbed his chest
and hairs
isn’t that better?

sure
he said
and leaned forward
and sipped the *****

already Pete in the pants
was stirring
and she said
I like this Mahler piece

it does things to me
and he listened
to the trumpets
and violins and those cellos

and sipped again
and her eyes widened
and her lips
came down on him

and he lay back
on the sofa overwhelmed
and like a drowning man
opened wide his arms

and waved
but none came
to rescue
no lifeboats set out

no one in sight
just him and Miss Pinkie
and Mahler
and the long hot night.

You waited for Fay
by the entrance
of the outdoor
swimming pool

in Bedlam Park
the Saturday afternoon sun
still strong
the voices and screams

of the kids in the pool
coming through
the high hedge
that surrounded all

around except where
the entrance was
with its turnstiles
and changing rooms

and wire boxes
where kids
kept their clothes
Pete Badham and his cronies

had gone by and in
a few minutes before
giving you the hard stare
which you returned

with equal share  
you wondered if Fay’s father
had stopped her going
finding some passage

in the Bible that he claimed
made it a sin
or maybe she had been kept in
for some misdemeanour  

but then you saw her
coming through the park
in a blue dress
with a white towel

wrapped under an arm
thought you might not come
you said as she came  
to the entrance

Mum let me come
after Daddy’d gone
off to work
she said

she opened a hand
to show the coins
held there
her eyes you noticed

were red
as if she’d been crying
glad you’re here
you said

me too
she replied
and you both went in
each to the separate areas

for boys and girls
once you had changed
and put your clothes
in the wire box

you went out
to the pool
and dived in
the cool water

and waited for Fay
to come in
Dave Walker was there
at the deep end

keeping an eye
on Badham and his cronies
giving you the thumbs up
when Fay came out

she stood hesitant
on the edge
of the pool
dressed in her black

swimming costume
come on in
you called and waved
she climbed down

into the water
and swam towards you
her fair hair
darkened by the water

her legs flapping
behind her
as she swam
her hands pushing through

the water’s skin
as she came to you
she put her arms
around your neck

her damp face
close to yours
you put your arms
around her waist

and she winced
and you let go
what’s up?
you asked

nothing
she said
just a bruise
and she swam off

to the edge of the pool
and you followed her
and she pulled herself
onto the edge

and sat there
looking out
at the other kids swimming
you heaved yourself

onto the edge of the pool
beside her
she looked away
towards the high hedge

and you noticed
thin red marks
on her thigh
what’s that?

you asked
pointing to her thigh
sign I have sinned
she whispered

Daddy said
to show the flesh
is a sin
and wouldn’t let me come

and I answered him back
and he made the mark of
me having sinned
she stared at you

and touched your hand
say nothing to anyone
she said
promise?

ok
you said
let’s go swim
she said

and dived in again
you seeing
the red marks
and sensing the pain.