Carnitas on the pit
Oranges searing as they hit the grill
Carne asada marinating
Waiting to be sampled
Coronas add lime
A **** shot of jacks
Laughing kids running around
Saturday morning was meant
For memories like this
Searing their own grill marks on our brains
Trampoline backflips into pools
Picking a lemon off the tree
Charcoal growing white
Familiar goodbyes and laters
Maybe another time joy will reach
This house that never seems to smile

Silent whispers
Tortured screams
An existence far off into the unknown
Pictures played silhouette motions
3D pixelations of distorted memories
Taunting my eyes to rain
Haunting the child still in me
Petrified of putrid symphonies
Harmonized by the laughing decedance
Decaying ever so rapidly
Within these dreams

It sits there residing
Silently growing harder to ignore
The delicate decisions of my future
Should I continue working
Hours too long to count
Forgotten before they even began
Or rather an education
Degree built just for me
Which trade to begin
Journalism
Art
Gaming
Driving
Construction
Decisions decisions
Made never so easily
When your head is constantly itching
It's a merry-go-round
Chasing an itches shadow
But hey look at me
Money in my pocket
Probably no future
So why does she continue loving me
A has been poet
A wanna be artist
A not so good gamer
Accident prone driver
Failing painter
All I've ever done in life
Skate by with what I had
Never looking at what I could have
Yet this itch in the back of my head
Hazes my future
With questions causing ****** charges
As they stab me in the back
Closer and closer
Seclusion encompasses me
Overpowering burdens of juggling life
Why the **** didn't it come with a manual
But itches are itches
Not all remedies work
So I guess I'll do what works

I thought about this a lot lately
wondering if the world was big enough
maybe too small
for me to be worried about everything that goes on
Im a leaf on a decaying tree
wondering if i could fly on the next southern breeze
So you see it seems all i ever needed in my life was her
a future where i know everything is real
not a fantasy where I'm still stuck in the clouds
but every decision I've ever made
i dont regret it
i forgot the worries of not wanting to live
forgot the problems where my self esteem was determined
by whether or not the hottest girl in school
thought i was good looking or not
it was never about the amount of **** i smoked
the amount of drugs i have done
its always been about pursuing a happier life
and when your just about to give up
thats when it is guaranteed
a life worth living
a path finally opening
when dead end signs are thrown into your face
to whom it may concern
I'm sorry it took for ever for me to realize
that even as an athiest
I still have a place in a religious world
i put my faith in the power of will
so here i write one more time
Even as a demon
dreams become reality when you believe hard enough

even with her sitting next to me
even with the radio blaring
with the tv whispering
nothing ever makes this home
my parents house a hell hole even for the devil
made me crazy
drove so many to depression
its a chronic outbreak
catch quicker than aids
its never the same every time i come here
so why do i return
why do i stay
maybe i can reach out to even my father
that its time to set this hell house on fire
let the kerosene erupt the boards into ashes
let the screams of our familys curse
die in an echo of black smoke
in hell with nowhere to run
i wonder how long this house will continue
to destroy my family further

In my pocket
Old and wore out
A symbol of every color I felt
This old paint brush
Has seen miracles
Made many more
Revived old houses
Brought life to a dying kids eyes
As she watched her playhouse
Become healthier then her
This old paint brush
Painted a future for me
In every smile of every homeowner
Brought beauty where darkness resided
Yet I never tried to let it
Bring colors into my heart
Bristles are missing
Brass is dented and caked over
Handle barely holding on
But its my brush
My favorite brush
The only brush I'll ever use
Because its the brush
That painted more miracles
Then Jesus performed

Table clothed in razor blades and whips
Serrated edges and pointy objects
I wonder how long my victims can last
A slice to each ******
Lay on a bed of needles
Drill holes under each eyelid
Cut a whole in the back of their head
Skull **** them and watch as ***
Bleeds out through their nose
Cigarette burns cover one leg
While the other is dressed
With barbwire growing tighter
Stretch them till their toes snap off
I believe their dead
No
Alive
Rat in a bucket with a torch
How fast can this rat run through your intestines
Lets time it
Not fast enough
Perhaps this method of torture
Doesn't beat the one you put me through
But any form
Its still uncomfortable
That's how I killed the voices in my head