I've noticed most kids date their entries
I'm not
I refuse to keep tract of which day
******* hits the fan
Like freight trains on a one way collision course
With biochemical waste
By the way the names Joshua

Just yesterday my dad called me queer
That I'm no longer his son
Just because I'm gay
He doesn't understand
I was born this way
And listening to Lady Gaga's song doesn't really help
It just ****** him off
And leaves me in the corner of my room
Crying because nobody understands me
Every gay person at school is in the closet
Afraid of the criticism
Afraid of run ins with the jocks

Diary I kissed a guy today
We were alone in the gym bathroom
He eyeballed me down
It was after P.E
We were taking showers and he kissed me
I wanted so much more
But we knew that was unlikely
We scheduled a date later on in the week
I think things might be turning around for me

I was wrong
I WAS SO ******* WRONG
HE PLAYED ME
I WAS JUST A PAWN IN HIS STUPID GAME
HIM AND HIS FRIENDS
HE HAS A GIRLFRIEND AND A BABY
THEY BET HIM $40 JUST TO DO IT
That ******* ******* will get it

So when I calmed down yesterday
I thought of all the ways I could get back at them
ALL OF THEM
The jocks, the cheerleaders, the whole school body
And I figured it out
There is a farm by my house
Maybe a mile down the road
I can **** a goat
Take the blood and write each and every one of their names
On the gym floor
They all think I'm satanic already
So I figured I throw in some Latin
Make a pentagram and slit my wrist
That should scare the hell out of them
I'll watch from my special place in hell for this

So I'm almost done with all my work
I don't know how I'll get rid of you diary
You have a gothic look to you
So if they see you
They'll think its some satanic book
Well goodbye diary
You're the only one thing that understood and listened to me
I wonder why that is
I guess I'll never know

I know this might hurt your feelings
I know I'm the only hope to save this family
My success is just the beginning
Yet I can't hold every responsibility
I have feelings too
None of which are good
I've contemplated suicide
I've even attempted
Yet here I am
Writing you again
This time publically
To hope that you can understand
I hate this life
I hate being me
I hate being the only one of four
To actually see the 12th grade
To actually have colleges chanting my name
Because they know I'll be in a dorm sooner or later
Grandma I wish you could see the man
All my darkest dreams and thoughts have made me
I'm partially human
Yet I still wake up every morning
Plaster on a smile
And say I love you
Even if it is in a text
You're all I have left in this god forsaken world
Well unless you want to include Natalie
I haven't talked to her in a while
But I hope she's doing well
Grandma when do I get to say I'm home
You were always the one to give me advice
Help me now
I'm lost and only going down
I want something poetry can give me
A sense of freedom
I know I'll be 18 in February
But I'll just want my youth back
I'll want the world I once knew back in my reach
I want the *** the drugs the alcohol
The constant screams I'd wake up to
Even if they were my own
I want all the faces of every girl I've been with
Screaming at me how much they hate me
I want their hands around my throat
In and out of reality
Grandma I hope you can understand I'm no longer
Just the successful one
I'm the one that wants what nobody understands
Because they all want to embrace my success
As if it were their own
                                       Sincerely,
                                           Your Grandson,
                                               Robert L. Guerrero

My talents as a poet
As a master of my sanity
Have began to fade away
My freedom to write
Moving powerful emotional pieces
Has deteriorated before my eyes
I've calmed the monster
To ease my grandmothers fears
Of losing her only successful grandchild
I've silenced the voices
To ease my deceased great grandmothers worry
That I'll join her in the heavens of my fathers memories
I've noticed I'm now nothing
Just the average joe
Watching Netflix and eating popcorn
Listening to music dreaming of being something
I've noticed
You read my work
Watched me perform
Understood the hatred I feel
Felt the pain I've endured so long
Grasped the love I once expressed
Yet now you're only looking for those things again
Looking for the long poems I once enjoyed writing
The ones that erupted with passion
For all things I thought of
Five minute poems
One night stands with lines
****** paper with pen
As I forced it to swallow the inky ***
I've always wanted to write my last and final poem
To finally be free of my insanity
And embrace the story of peace and solitude
But in this world those are just mirages
Boiling from the hallucination of my desert mind
I've noticed
I truly am just Robert Guerrero
The guy who dreamed impossible dreams
Only because his talent dried up

They say I'm not even white
Been in the game all my life
Lost in the ways of drugs, ***, parties, and bullets
Fighting everyday just to survive
Well I'm not in the hood
I'm on the streets of a town
Known only as Slaughter
A state of its own
Streets paved with the bones of youth
Plants getting no water
Only ever rains blood
As you hear "Just the youth going wild" instead of sirens
It's no longer steel doors slamming
It's guillotine bullets chopping of hearts
As they speed through the chest of a son or daughter
A soul that fell victim to the game
Another person never mourned in the hood

Less than a month
I'll be 18 years old
Maybe I'll be able to grasp
The escape rope of life
Stop breast feeding on the ******* of my parents wealth
Drink the sweet vitamin enrich milk of freedom
No longer the outcast of school hallways
***** looks of freshman
As they all say they want to **** me
Knowing all to well I'm not risking life in jail
Can you believe it
I'm almost 18
Nothings changed
I've been 23 since my parents forced me to be the mature one

Chasing seagulls shadows
As the breeze slithered through my hair
It was love at first sight
Sunsets tracing rainbows on the murky waters
The sea truly is a mystery
But the love I feel is even more of a mystery
I can still hear the roaring of the surf
Tides coming in slowly
Full moon tonight
Softer breeze and a lot less noise
No children laugh
Parents yelling to stay away from the jellyfish
Just silence
The perfect love affair
It was love at first sight
When the sea breeze kissed me
The salty water wrapped its arms around me
The sun setting fire to Pacific blue water
Moonlight chasing dolphins as they fly through the air
Stars reflecting off the rippling water
It was truly a love affair set in motion at first sight
Now I dare you to fall in love

I've spent a year
Maybe more
I can't seem to remember
This time I think it's goodbye
I'm making a new account
Shutting the world out
I've written over 450 poems
Some ****** ***
Others surpassed my expectations
Thank you guys for helping feel accomplished
However it was recently discovered by someone
That I didn't want to know about it
So I hope you guys can understand
Why it is I must go