There is a constant battle between head and heart
On one hand, they are so far apart, like the sun and the moon, that their perspectives oppose each other
Conflict.
But every once in a while, the sun and the moon collide.
Can this occur between heart and mind?
When our bodies collide we will see a new light

Read between the lines...

The white fairy dust that makes all of her problems disappear
Like magic
****.
It's gone in a sniff

A single tear lands on the table
Right next to her golden credit card
The token of his love
The reward for achievements and milestones
Memories that should have been shared between father and daughter

He never noticed her.
Her face after she cried
Her runny makeup after a kiss in the rain with her boyfriend
Her curled hair as she left for the prom
Her white gown as she held her diploma and moved the tassel
He was in every picture but was never there for her
Not the way she needed

He only saw the row of straight A's on her report card every year
He handed her a new trophy
A phone
A car
A credit card.
Those straight A's were the only thing that connected her to him
Now all she can keep straight is the line of coke in front of her face

There is a certain artistry to the way that two bodies move together
Each movement is so haphazard
Both people not being able to get enough of the the other person
Graceful chaos.
The melding of heart and mind
I different kind of addiction
Adrenaline.
The way that each touch lingers long after everything calms
The way that each movement is committed to memory
I remember it all
Hips moving
Arms sliding
Hair flipping
Nails scratching.
I remember the way it felt as my fingers ran through his hair
I can still feel his scruff on my cheek
I can feel him kiss my neck
I can hear him whisper...

Time has been an innocent bystander in the collection of regrets I call my life
Time has been neither a friend nor an enemy
Until now

Time allowed me to grow
It allowed me to realize who I am
That I am a result of all the time spent on molding the glob of clay that is me

Time brought me to this point
This place in my life where I have a job
College
A promising future
Aspirations
Confidence
And Ethan.

Time has given me my life

Time has moved so slowly
It is only when I look back that I realize how quick it has all been
It isn't until now that I wish time would stop
Slow down
Change course and leave me alone

Time has given me Ethan
But time hasn't given me enough of itself
That stingy *****.
I have only a small pile of sand left with him before the hourglass is flipped and I must move on
Time will take him away from me

Time, who once was my silent acquaintance, has grown jealous of the life it has given me
Time is of the essence
And Time is my Enemy #1

I have more used plastic baggies with remnants of **** left in them than I know what to do with

We’ve gone through so many

Maybe that’s why I can’t remember anything but you…

I like having them

I smell them when I miss you because they smell like you

Because they smell like us.

I have an extra lighter with me because you always forget yours

I light it when I miss you

I touch it when the flame dies just to feel the warmth on the tip of my thumb

It reminds me of how you get a little too close 

It reminds me of your warmth.

That lighter

I love the sound it makes when I grind the gears and press down swiftly

The click and the whoosh of the flame springing to life

It takes me to nights when fireworks and stars paint the sky

It takes me to our rock in our stream in our kingdom of trees and fresh water

It takes me to the sun gleaming in your eyes

It takes me to flower-flourished fields. 

The flame takes me with it as it dances

And I dance through my memories

Tracing my steps until I find each moment we have shared

I dance until my eyes slowly close

And then I dream of you 

I dream of you and wish you were here

But this is just a dream…

I wish we could dance forever.

The island of misfit girls and boys

We struggle to be accepted 

But then ignore the ones on the same journey

The first step to being loved is to first love yourself

The second is to love others 

The third is to open your eyes and see opportunity to spread love to your world 

Go out into the world with ready hearts and open minds

Enter relationships with one goal:

To accept others as you would want others to accept you

Live by the sun and love everyone

A worn pair of Toms.
He places them carefully to the side and rolls up his jeans

I watch him carefully sit down next to me

We stare at the water for a minute with our feet dangling 

The sun is shining and setting reluctantly. 

“It’s beautiful today, don’t you think?”

He says, trying to start a conversation

I ponder for a moment

A moment too long perhaps

Then respond with a casual “yes”.

We spent hours on that dock

Talking about our families and our lives

I laughed more than I have ever laughed

We talked about music

About how music is better on vinyl that you buy from that record store you found one lonely night in December. 

I cried about life 

About goals I’ve never reached

He held my hand and cried with me 
We were alone together. 


I finally looked up from our small place on the sea and noticed the moon

It was watching quietly from its place above

There were people on the street far behind us

String lights hung above tables of outdoor restaurants 

Buses whizzing by

A ship gliding away

Embarking on journeys unknown

Or journeys ruled by routine

I felt like that ship 

Controlled by my life but not knowing what that life was, what it is or what it will be

I only hoped in that moment that he was a part of it.
I look over at his Toms

I see years of walking

Different places, many streets

Grass stains and dirt

I see a life lived fully and full of adventure

I think I’m in love.
He reaches for his Toms and begins to get up

My face falls with my heart and 
I prepare for goodbye

For the friendly eyes to look at mine for the last time

I swear to myself that I’ll remember them. 

He lends me a hand and pulls me up
He asks me if I like coffee
 and I say no 

He chuckles and takes me to a bar
We pass stumbling drunks 

A couple hooking up in a daze
College kids who are excited and too rowdy

The best parts of life outside a bar with a shamrock in the window. 

No girly drinks, no *******

We drink and we talk 

He kicks my *** in pool

Then he lets me win and buys me another drink

We stay until last call

Then we venture out 
together into the world
With our fingers intertwined

Sweaty and covered in blue chalk

We walk down the road 

Until we reach the front door of my building

I stop

I look up and consider saying goodbye

I see his eyes 


I decide to keep walking.