sometimes i wonder if god keeps a record
of all the times i have been left,
all the times i have been unable to leave.
i wonder if he thinks to himself,
"when will she learn?"
as if he feels my heartache too.
i picture god with a furrowed brow,
hunched over a typewriter,
beginning me again and again,
a mountain of crumpled paper at his feet.
but somehow -
he always ends up at the same point in the story
where i am all ****** palms
and half-hearted hallelujahs
propped up on bruised knees.
spitting up blood & teeth at his feet screaming,
"IS THAT ALL YOU'VE GOT?"
but he doesn't answer.
and i catch myself wondering if the silence
is his way of punishing me for making a deity out of you.
after all, the bible says he is a jealous god.
i could've sworn there was a verse somewhere
that said you weren't allowed to love anyone other than me.
but now that i think about it,
i probably took it out of context.
if i could add a parable to those already existing,
it would be how your chest
felt like church under my head,
and how i thought to myself,
"this is how it would be if he loved me back."
or how you fled my bedroom like a crime scene.
i am still bleeding.
i won't tell you how many times
i cracked my heart in half
trying to be what you wanted.
how my lips on your skin felt judas.
now i am waiting for god to begin me once more,
hoping he'll leave you out of the plot this time
because i don't think i could stand to lose you again.
see, rumor has it he knew you'd leave
and has been trying to make it up to me
since before we'd even met.
my song is one of repentance.
the wood finish from abandoned pews
rotting under my fingernails.
i made sacrifices you didn't ask for.
i have never known
whether my inability to abandon people
is more a strength or a weakness
but so far everyone i've ever loved
has turned into an exit wound,
and myself into a flickering no vacancy sign.

- m.f.

butterflies on a beautiful boy
cling with insect intensity
they wear candy pink lipstick
he has his face reddened
with blusher
his hair is depicted in triplicate
on the cubical doors of toilets
black painted cubical doors
that possess an objective scrutiny
of an immediacy that suggests
a knowledge of expendable names
of disinterested inspection
names that are deletable with time
all that is left is a screaming solar plexus
he waits like an animated aura
a haloed head of violet rings him
as he leans against the toilet wall
with beautiful blonde ambition
the butterflies cling with insect intensity

Here's to the teenagers that congregate in sketchy places,
Tell their parents they are "at a friend's",
Get wasted on cheap liquor that they probably got from a homeless man,
And get high on every drug in their disposal.
Here's to the rebels that need to break free from rules,
That need an escape from reality,
Or that just want to forget some things,
Maybe not even forever, but for right now.
Here's to the generation of thots, sloots, and ******,
Those who think they're looking for a good time,
Or the ones who have yet to experience this,
Lying so much - you live two lives.
Here's to the youth of now,
Whether you're 16 or 20,
You probably are in this rebellious phase,
Or you will be soon.
Here's to you.

expectation
anti-pain reliever
for idiots.

one
true
only.

walls
in the walls
of reality.

body
in
loan.

foresight
crack
of "imprisonment".

hear
one's
beat.

It is not only our
it is also
His.

nature,
cradle
and eradicates!

Disobedient children's doesn't profit from wisdom.
Let alone from knowledge.
Train a child we are told.
And still many journey down the wrong road.

Altho' it states not to provoke a child.
Scriptures also talks about respect for your parents.
To lose sight of that means you have no respect for self.

There will be times, when that bond will be tested.
Some will survive while others will be strained.
We only address certain scriptures.

Colossians states this to a child's life.
Obey your parents in everything that's pleasing to the lord.
And for parents to not instigate them to anger.

Do teach them hospitality.
Do teach them manners.
For if they don't understanding truth, they represent you.
And you them.

Judge you will be.
By courts, associates ,family and the community.
Be proud of those raised correctly.
For the troublesome one will come to respect them.

We only address certain scriptures.
Some we still need to be teaching them.