at one point the only words being repeated in my brain for days on loop
were the same ones I tried to protect my body with
but a little girl had to learn that it takes more than a couple words
to pause everything.
years have passed now and the two people who would give up the entire world for me
are confused by why their little girl doesn’t like hugs.
the years of talking about it felt like ripping my skin apart to keep myself together
hoping that at one point I could get to the layer that you didn’t destroy with hands that felt like needles
it felt like I spent my whole life learning to swim and for the first time ever the only thing I knew how to do was not move
and I know I know I know this body this so called temple this body of mine doesn’t belong to you it never did even if that night you tried to convince whats mine is yours it never was
im still trying to accept that not everyones touch will make me feel the way you did
That I won’t be left wanting to crawl myself out of my body and start again
but then theres days I can’t help but think about how everyday feels like drowning and barely making it out breathing at the end of the night
but maybe there was a purpose
im still trying to figure it out