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Rina139 Jan 2016
I’m so tired of telling people that I’m fine when I’m clearly not
So fed up with telling people that I’m tired or feel sick
I know they see right through my lies
But they don’t try to push me
I know it’s because they really don’t want to know my problems
When they have issues of their own
And even if they did ever push me to tell them
I don’t know how I would tell them how I feel
They might understand but I couldn’t ever explain it
How depressed I am
How angry and confused I am
How my constant need to seem happy and okay
Leaves me completely drained at the end of the day
And how I have to leave the light on in my room at night
Because I’m scared of everything
How my pillow is soaking sometimes when I go to sleep
How my eyes are red and puffy from crying
My hand stiff from writing poems to try and relieve some of the ache in my heart
I just want to go to sleep and never wake up
Just forever linger in the dream realm
Where anything you can imagine can happen
And the imagination is so much better than reality
I’m so tired I just want to go to sleep
And never wake up.
Rina139 Jan 2016
Have you ever wandered how it is like to feel like a stranger?
Like a fish out of water
Like a teardrop in loud laughter
Like love in the heart of a hater

Have you ever wandered how it is like to feel lost?
Like a drop in the ocean
Like a needle in a haystack
Lost…that you don’t know white from black
Like walking straight in a destination
When you know there is no way to go back


Have you ever wandered how it is like to feel so confused?
That you don’t know
When you’re treated nicely
And when you are abused
Have you ever felt so low?
And you don’t know what to do where to go
When you see all the doors around you are locked and closed

Have you ever wandered how it is like to be in non-stop stress?
When you never feel so sure about something you always have to guess
When you feel like crying out loud
And spit that burden of these hard feelings inside you
However, you have to keep and suppress these feelings
Although you are in the greatest need of a gentle caress

Has anyone felt pain like this before?
Because that’s what I really feel , or maybe even more.
Rina139 Jan 2016
Patterned obsessions have ruled my life,
presented as shadows or dreams that never die.
But are never fulfilled.
The healing eludes me, I sit here,
my wounds still fresh, my heart still broken,
lost in this life,
bored to the brink of insanity.
Faith so fleeting, comes and goes,
what have I got to believe in anyway?
the promise of things I have not seen,
my life remains this hell,
despite my prayers, and I have
given up inside.
I am surrounded by people who love me,
but can't know my soul, my fear, my pain,
which everyday haunts me, encasing me with
doubt and distrust and despair.
It is a decayed elegance that I now embrace,
I hold my head up high, look you in the eye,
but my soul wilts more every day, what you see is
not what you get.
Mutilated and desiccated,
as my soul dies a little more every minute
Rina139 Jan 2016
My mother always told me "child, don't you cry over spilled milk",
but no one ever said anything about spilled ink,
and the funny thing about ink is that it comes in many different colors,
one color for each emotion,
and when I write,
emotions explode inside me and when I cannot take it anymore,
I go wild and knock over my bottle and spill the ink.
And it is not just one single drop of ink that is spilled,
Oh no - the whole bottle is knocked over and the whole page is drenched in my passions,
in my rage, in my sorrow, in my happiness, and in shame,
and even some escape and dribble onto the carpet,
leaving a hideous stain,
and after that, my breathing relaxes and I am free,
I am free because the pain I feel is translated onto a lifeless object,
and I can rest easy knowing that a paper will understand me but never have to feel the pain I feel,
Because bottled in emotions are not worth hiding,
They will tear you in two,
They are not your friends,
but with paper,
no matter how much ink is spilled,
it will always **** it up and dry,
Writing is my release so I do not explode from the inside.
I do not care who hears me.
As long as paper hears my cries with its non judgemental ear,
I will be fine - just fine.
After all, it is just spilled ink.
Rina139 Jan 2016
Your words begin to mean nothing to me,
You continue to lie under your breath.
Had me convinced that you were different,
Yet here I am, with a broken trust.

My heart torn out from the center of my chest,
Ripped into a million pieces.
You promised me over and over
That you would change for the better.

But I soon came to realize
That you're no different than the first time we met.
Each event replayed itself,
And each time you betrayed me.

Again I am standing here in this empty hole,
Listening to the echoes of your promises fade away.
I really thought you would change for me,
I really believed that you cared for me.

Oh, how wrong I was
To put my trust in the likes of you.
The pain I am feeling now
Is the pain I'll forever retain.

Over and over again,
I am left with nothing.
No matter what I do,
I always get the blunt end of the stick.

Normally I would say I'm to blame,
But sadly I do not deserve this claim.
My eyes have reopened
To never again let you gain my trust.

In the world we live in now
Has very little, if any,
Able bodies that I can trust,
Is it so that only I can earn this trust?

I don't believe I'll ever truly understand the meaning of trust.
I won't live by this word,
For its meaning is far too easily broken,
And very difficult to fix.

No longer will I allow trust to govern my life,
No longer will I allow your love in my life.
I stand here alone,
With a broken trust.

My last words to whom it may concern,
My trust in you was a privilege.
You continued to break the very string
That held my trust for you.

In the end,
You betrayed me with more than I can say,
Left me
With a broken trust and a broken heart.
Rina139 Jan 2016
I hope you never reach the day
where you are lost for words
because they are tangled up in agony
i hope you never reach the point
where your innocence of the world is robbed
i hope you choose your friends and
lovers wisely so that you never have
to discover what it feels like to see
those who you believed would take
a bullet for you, dance behind
the trigger.
Rina139 Jan 2016
You are trapped in a cage…
No one sees it … not even you…
You don’t know what it’s made of…
You don’t know where it came from…
But you feel it… it’s all around you…
It is full of strength
That it forbids you to move freely…
It separates you from your wisdom
And it strangles your thoughts…
You are robbed
But you don’t know what was taken…
You are in a place
But you don’t know where you’re heading…
You don’t even know how you got there…
Or who brought you there…
You know you’ve been through a lot
But your memories are distorted…
It is seizing you little by little…
You can’t stay but you can’t even go…
You are trapped, but no one sees it…
Not even you.
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