She took a deep breath
She counted to three
A picture in her head
Of who they wanted her to be

The wanted her to be normal,
Happy and kind
They never thought,
That this girl would be blind

Not blind by the meaning
But blind in the heart
Blinded by darkness
Blinded by dark

She walks around lifeless
Her heart beating but dead
A walking corpse
She is lost inside her head

Things have no meaning
At least not anymore
She was not how she was,
How she was once before,

She is one of the living
But one of the dead
A part of her is missing
She hangs on by a thread

She hung her head low
Took one final bow
She stepped off the edge
Saying one final vow

“I will not change who I am
As hard as any of you try
This is me giving up
This is one last goodbye.”

Life seems to lose its complexity and mystery in the early morning
Some things just become so clear in the haziness of 3 am
When the stars are all settled in
Spinning around like a kaleidoscope over my head.

Every sound seems too quiet for one moment
As if the world is falling asleep with me
It’s reuniting all the insomniacs of the world
Who get to witness the chilling stillness of the morning

There’s not a sound
Not a footstep in the hallway,
Not a car driving past my street,
Not even the crickets are out tonight
Its just the soothing hum of the fan,
And the moths dancing around the bulbs of the porch lights

Its like the earth stops turning
To pause and recollect,
To say goodbye to yet another day
And to finally rest.

There’s something so heavenly about this kind of sanity,
Something only few get to see
And I suddenly realise
The more you spend in silence,
The more miracles you see.

I think if I had a choice of death, it would be
Self-medicated drowning
You take a few pills
As you sit there and watch
The water that will soon become a part of you
Move slowly back and forth
As if it’s a welcoming wave
You walk into the water that usually feels cold,
Instead its pines and needles
Your spine becomes numb
You find yourself paralysed
The water fills up your lungs
It doesn’t hurt with the medication
The hallucination
Then your eyes hit the back of your head,
Your heart stops beating to the sound,
Of the lugubrious life you’ve been living
Now you’re left floating
Staring at the same sky
You once looked up to
When you were first born
When you had so much potential
When someone loved you for your good qualities,
And not for what your flaws say about you.
The hazy moon
Turns from yellow to red
A body dead
Without bloodshed
Body parallel water to sky
Like you’re prior soul, you have died.

I can’t express my torment
I cannot get across
How I think and what goes through
My mind and that part of me I’ve lost
A single dying ember, cries out to be set free
But the winds of madness that prevail will never let that be
Thoughts and words in circles
Always come out the same
I try to hide myself from this but it’s a thing I can’t contain
Amazing insecurity
I confront this everyday
I beg for it to leave me but it will not go away
I want to be something different,
Without the craziness inside,
Cause it’s been built up and fed and
Now it’s something I can’t hide
Everyday I struggle
Every thought I fear
For its starts with just one little thing and becomes a flood of tears.

An educational prison
we the prisoners
and them the guards
no freedom to sleep
or speak
or react to some sense of enlightenment
from reading stories
that shine in glory
from others hand
i demand freedom
and all the classes agree
to flee from their prison
no mind is set
to take in knowledge
that will evaporate
through our breath
as we hate
the gut-trenching moments
of complete and utter boredom
shall i close one eye at-least
and let half of me
enjoy the painless dark
as my other dents
with frustrated sensory hormones
all eyes are baggy
all faces grow wrinkles
as fatigue finishes and settles
into dried up energy bodies
i am not compelled
as my feet swell
with numbness
from stationary preoccupation
as my patience
dries out like a river
during a drought
i doubt
that the hour
will pass fast
when it took me only
five minutes
to write the words you read.

My eyes
fill with tears
and i
can't bear the wind
that blows
and the happiness that flows
within my semi-torn heart
the crack is molded
by joy
as if it is a surgeon
with a needle and string
that brings
the separated walls back together
peace at last
from all the torture
from seemingly incurable thoughts
that postured
within my innocent mind
torture
from unsure emotion
make me feel devotional
to something that could destroy my very being
fleeting
now and finally free.

Hear me
as my silence curses thee
fear me
as the non-existent sword shields me
be near me
as an invisible force tries to repel
the hell
of life's uncertainties
and mysteries
the wishes within me
bleed, as non can be satisfied
as they hide
and can't open wide
to release my thoughts
please me
unseen jewels be near me
see me
as distracted eyes are averted
need me
even when all seems fine
that line
that draws my thoughts
in frozen time
when no sound waves
shall reach an ear
slow motion
in course of fear
for the unknown notion
behind those ears that can't hear
and those eyes
blind in sight
and naive
to a clear definition
that shows the transition
of my thoughts.