i meant to apologize
but before i could
you didn’t care

you're used to it
that *****
i don’t

want to
lose you
or let you loose to it

but how else
can i
not lose you?

I know it’s true
because I know
it’s true
for me and so
I know it’s true for you.

We want what we can’t have,
inversely:
we don’t want what we can.
So, I will ignore you
(and myself)
for tonight;

I will make new friends.

Ah, what a refreshing ****
I am! Nice, lying is sick
but lying to myself
is good and for my health.

Oh my,
I
could hold you

Safe
in heavy arms,
against my strong
chest pressed with aroma;

and there you could press gentle lips,
show me weakness
and strength
in myself.

Oh my
what I
would trade to hold you
would never let me hold you as I can.

The disparity of happiness
between blue collared men with
No
leftovers
from lunch (or anywhere else)
& the mixed up, excessive-
Lyelling (who are so close to anger
That the shaking sycophantic splattered bursts live in my mind's eye)

is ******.
I'd rather drive a truck.

The ******* ******* ******-up ***** are ******,
and everyone’s a ****** too, and ****
you too, you ******, **** your face and tucked
away soft ******-up secrets – **** good luck
and **** the greedy; **** more than we need.
Either you **** them, or they ******* – it’s just
we’re all ****** with ******-up intentions, greed,
******* smirks, fuckloads of ******* (******* lust),
and all seven ******* sin ******* us
more – so we give zero ***** about good
or bad but how and who we should **** less
and who the **** we can throw under the bus –
i.e. who we can ****. *******, why should
we give a **** if life is ****** to death?

I write this to show you
I don’t care
about you
at all.

i want head rubs
more than head