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ri Jul 4
paano kung iba ang takbo ng kwento?
parehas pa kaya ang magiging tibok ng puso? makikita pa ba kita sa kasalukuyan?

paano kung hindi kinuha ang pagkakataon?
magtataka ka pa ba kung maririnig ang “oo” na inaasam?

paano kung nagmahal ng iba?
saya ba ang mararamdaman at hindi kalungkutan ang kayakap tuwing gabi? iindak ba ang pusong napagod magmahal?

paano kung hindi sumuko?
malayo pa ba ang mararating ng iyong paa? wala bang luhang tutulo sa kasiguraduhang wala nang mangyayari sa buhay?

paano kung nanatili sa kinaroroonan?
masasabi mo bang nagbago ang lahat dahil sa’yo? maghihintay nalang bang gumuho ang buhay sa harapan ng iyong mga mata?

paano kung hindi nagpuyat at nagpursigi?
mararating mo ba ang nais tahakin sa buhay?

paano kung hindi hinarap ang kinabukasan?
may araw pa kayang sisikat sa dilim na pinili **** tirhan?

paano kung hindi tinapon ang tatlong taon?
mamumulat ka pa ba sa mapait na realidad na nagudyok na bumangon ka ulit?

at paano kung mahal mo pa rin ako?
sisisihin ba ang tadhanang mapaglaro o ako na nagkulang upang ika’y mapasakin?
ri Jul 2
paumanhin sa sariling pinapahirapan ng husto dulot ng kalungkutan at kaba na pinipintig ng puso

paumanhin sa sariling pinapangunahan ang takot ngunit kating-kating makamtan ang nais makamtan

paumanhin sa sariling hindi naniniwala sa kakayahang taglay nito at tila'y umuurong ng palalayo ng papalayo ang mga hubad na paang hindi alam kung saan patungo

at paumanhin sa sariling nangangarap ng sobrang taas, nang may oportunidad nang lumaya, hindi pa nagawa
ri Jun 23
there lies no
certainty on
what is waiting
for me on the
other side of
the moon

whether i will
be greeted
by the stars
i've been
trying to grasp
with my bare hands
or a meteor
that will
collide with
my fragile
body and turn
me into a
speck of dust
in the galaxy

either way
like an astronaut
wandering in
the space
who tries to
seek the void
and mysteries
of the universe

i will never
let gravity
pull my weight
down as i reach
towards where
you shine
luminously
ri Jun 22
balang araw
sisikat ang araw
at masasabi ****
naglagpasan mo
ang hindi mo
inakalang matatapos

balang araw
maghihilom ang
iyong mga sugat
kahit man may
maiiwang bakas
ng mapait na kahapon

balang araw
may magpupunas
ng iyong mga luha
gamit ng panyong
ibinigay sa'yo
kung sakaling
gusto ulit ng iyong
pusong sumigaw

balang araw
mararanasan mo
kung gaano kasaya
ang magmahal
ng buo at tapat
at masasabi ****
hindi ka na
malas sa larangan
ng pag-ibig

at balang araw
makikita mo
ang iyong sariling
nakangiti habang
naalala ang dapithapong
iyong tinalikuran at
dinaanan
ri Jun 21
no matter how you
threw me under the bus
shredded my heart
like a pile of rejected
office papers and
spitted me out like a
worn out bubblegum

i'd still say you have
my heart
ri Jun 9
marami akong gustong ibalik sa aking buhay.

boses? yakap? init ng katawan? mga mensaheng “nakauwi ka na ba?” o “kumain ka na ba?” – oo, bawat gabi dinadalangin ko sa taas na sana bumalik yung mga panahon na iyon, noong magkasama pa tayong dalawa, sabay nangangarap ng magandang kinabukasan na magkasama.

ngayon, ako nalang yung nangangarap mag-isa sa mga butuing hindi ko maabot, parang ikaw.

hindi ko maipinta ang sakit na nararamdaman. kahit nais kong lagyan ng mga matatamis na kulay ang aking isipan katulad ng kahel o rosas, maihahalintulad sa makulimlim na langit ang aking mga mata – kulay patay na bughaw at itim, ang aking mga luha ay tila bang malalaking patak ng ulan, hindi natatapos, hindi tumitigil.

palagi ko pa ring itinatanong sa sarili kung saan nagkulang o nagkamali, kung ang mga desisyon ko sa buhay ay tugma sa mga isinisigaw ng aking puso. siguro hindi nga, at kung tama naman ang aking mga sinasambit, hindi ako magkakaganito.

hindi tayo nagkaganito.

noong araw na binitawan ko ang iyong kamay, akala ko na ang kanyang puso ay mamamahinga  na sa puot at sakit dahil masakit marining ang mga salitang hindi ko nais marining galing sayo.

paulit-ulit na tumatakbo sa isipan ko ang gabing naghantong sa ating hangganan. simula noon, hiniling ko nalang na sana ay maibalik pa ang kahapon.

ngayon ay lalong tumindi ang bugso ng ulan na naririnig ko sa labas ng aking bintana. tila bang sumasabay ang aking mga pagsisisi sa buhay. hindi ko malaman kung bakit ko naisambit ang mga salitang hindi ko naman nais pahalagahan, pero ang mga iyon ay lumabas nalang ng sunod-sunod galing sa aking bibig.

naaalala ko rin ang itsura mo nung narinig mo ang lahat. ang masakit lang noon ay hindi ako nakapagnilay-nilay bago ko buksan ang aking bibig. nadala ako sa bugso ng galit at emosyon.

pagpaumanhin mo, mahal. patuloy na isinasambit sa sarili na sana ay naririnig mo kung saan ka man naroroon.

sa katihimikan ng dalawang panig, at sa kalaliman ng gabi. kahit wala nang pagkakataong makatayo sa harapan mo, isa lamang ang gusto kong sabihin sa iyo.

mahal pa rin kita.
at uulit-ulitin kong sabihin iyon sa iyo,
kahit hindi mo na nais marinig.
ri Jun 6
the sun is starting to sleep so the moon can rise in the midst of the darkness again.

she closed her eyes as she feels the cold breeze that embraces her tiny frame. it felt warm, contrary to what it really felt. she hears the sound of the birds chirping, and she can imagine that there were flocks of them flying in the air, dancing with the wind.

she opened his eyes and the sky is already transitioning from light blue to pink. the waves continued to chase each other until they can reach the shore, and eventually came back to their home.

then she wondered how it feels to be home – a pair of two arms ready to embrace through thick and thin, and soft lips that can ease the pain he feels and pour him with loving words.

she spent another minutes to see the sunset. her hands are feeling cold, and the lines of the wooden platform where she is seating is starting to leave a mark on his palms.

she closed her eyes again. she feels empty somehow, but for sure, she is filled with love.

she is overflowing with love and joy, and she is now certain that she is ready to share it with someone else.

she heard movements and a thud near where she is sitting, followed by a voice that is deep and familiar.

“don’t sleep in here.” he said. “you’ll catch a cold.”

she chuckled at the thought. “i wasn’t trying to.”

“really?” he started at her and shifted his gaze into the shore. the silence felt genuine and soothing until the man beside her broke it with a sigh.

“what are you thinking then?”

she looked at him but his gaze remained still on the blue waves. she is contemplating on whether she will say how she feels right now since it sounded ridiculous and desperate.

but he was him. the guy is literally into everything, and seven years has passed, he is still the same she knows – considerate, reliable, loving, and trustworthy.

so she rambled on her thoughts.

and he was listening to each and every word she says. he finally looked at her and got lost in the tracks where her topic is all about.

his mind wandered somewhere else, and he could not help it for a reason.

until she got exhausted because she thinks she is just talking pure nonsense. she finally put it in simple words which now he heard loud and clear.

“i just want to be loved, and to be in love.”

“then try me.” he said.

she playfully nudged him in his arm and took it as a joke. he has always been like that. a kind of person that can pull you out of your misery for a moment.

he could not help but to smile after seeing the relief in her face.

but the bittersweet taste of not saying anything of what he really feel towards her for years remains up to this moment.

because all he ever wanted is to touch and feel how her lips move with his,

and to be that someone that she can call home.
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