if you think it is about you
it is probably not
I have a million and one
you missed your shot

" All good things come to an end. "

Focus on the fact that good things end. Only good things end, right? The bad is seemingly endless, right? Baby, you could not be more wrong. Your cynical mind breaks my heart. You see, all things come to an end. Whether or not we exist to see the ending, the ending comes whether the life was deemed "good" or "bad." I beg you not fix your eyes on the ending of the good, but praise the idea of the bad failing to exist eternally. Now that you know, what is there left to fear? Our beautiful lives shall soon be taken, why must you drown yourself in your frightened thoughts? Darling, tell me what IS there to fear? Death? No, of course not. Do you fear hurting? Hurting others? Hurting yourself? What do you think we do? Every day we suffer for God's sake. We make others suffer, indirectly &, for the ill hearted, directly. Irrationality in and of itself is the idea of fearing something of which is inevitable. Live your life driven into a wall. Lay on the floor and mash your knuckles into your skull. Fear yourself. Fear the idea of missing out on the chance to love someone so deeply you could never breathe again. Drown in the idea of something beautiful. Why drench your flesh with regret when you have all the ability in the world to grasp whatever you want by the throat? Fearing the hurt is normal, but letting it stop you from living is inexcusable.  Regrettable. Fear is irrational. Fear exists only in the mind. Fear lives where you feed it. I dare you to let it eat you until you die. That way the end for you has taken place, and you will no longer worry for the things ending around you. We destroy one another, but I love the mess it makes. My blood mixed on the floor with the bile from your past. Look me in the eyes and confess to me what you are scared of. Get off your knees and keep walking. For the wind will continue to blow, but one day it will stop. It will be calm and you will feel light. You will be happy, but you will realize there is something missing. You look around at the placid scene, what could possibly be missing? I am all alone.

I do not fear the hurt. I invite the hurt into me. I let it fester in my bones. I let it run through my veins, and just as easy as it comes, I release it again into the world. The hurt is what makes me. I will never sacrifice an opportunity solely because of the hurt. I want to live, and I want to Feel your lips against mine. I beg for the winds to blow into me while the sun shines on my face and I will find myself in the same serene scene, but the difference is

I will not be alone.

waking up is hard
it's the hardest thing I do
I hate waking up
almost as much as I hate myself

if I were happy kr wouldn't be so hard
if I could face myself it wouldn't hurt so bad

do you ever wonder what it's like to hate every single part of your being?
well I don't have to wonder
I know what it's like

and it's ******* hell

my words are punches to my gut
my thoughts slice my skin
the images in my mind burn holes in my flesh
I cannot breathe

I'm sobbing I'm inconsolable
don't ******* tell me I look pretty
don't ******* tell me I look hot

how could I ever believe your words when mine are telling me different
I find comfort in them, they are constant
does that make me insane?

I don't love myself
and I know they tell me I should

"how can anyone love you if you don't love yourself?"
how the **** am I supposed to know?
i am and endless flow of love towards others but why is it so hard for me to love me

maybe it's because I'm suicidal
maybe it's because I'm images are forever tainted by the fire I have stumbled through
my finger tips are singed and my hair smells like your ******* cigarette smoke

I want to die

every second of every day i would rather be dead

I'm laughing

but I mean it

I'd rather hurt than anyone else, but there's so much hurt in me I can hardly stand anymore

I want to smash my ******* skull into a wall

I want to let my bones shatter and my body go limp

I am submissive anyways

I ******* **** anyways

I don't want your ******* pity or your ******* "no don't say that!!!"
*******

you don't know what it's like to be me

it's a ******* nightmare

try waking up and being SO UPSET that you are who you are

I have to force myself to leave my home

I am at war
a constant battle with seemingly no end

I am tired
how much longer must I fight?

my fingers are slipping my hands are tired my arms are numb

I'm falling now

do not catch me

I want to hit the ******* ground

I used to believe the cure for cancer was encrypted in your words.

I've grown to learn that you are the cancer.

and your words, only doing collateral damage- destruction of my cells, my being.

irreversible sickness

ill

my judgement clouded with pictures of you

bad things always look the best

I loved what I thought you were & what you taught me.

I do not believe that people who are sane love the illness.

I am sane.

I don't love the sickness.

I carry the fears deep inside
Sometimes they are more than I can hide

When I am with you
I sometimes forget to breathe
It's like we have been doing this all along
Sitting here,
You & Me
It feels familiar
Maybe we were lovers in a past life

When we kiss
I am not sure if I am kissing you or
if you are kissing me
but I love the way your lips feel
& I can hardly keep from brushing mine against every other part of you

Your soul is beautiful
I can feel it burning from within
Whenever you stand near me

Do you think it will last?
I am scared of the past
Can you let me in?
I am dying within

If you are scared
It can be repaired
I will kiss you until they are gone
& then you will play me a song

As we lie in the dark
I listen to your breathing..
the rise & fall of your chest
It almost matches mine
This is a sure sign.

I listen to your heart.
Yes, it is still beating.
Do you fear that it is not?
I can show you how to fix that

If you never understand,
I think I will be okay
But, please, can you try?

I have waited awhile,
and i will wait longer

I am not certain what we could be
but whatever it may be
it will sure be **** beautiful.

Can you wait to see?
Lay with me
and I will ply open my chest
Can you handle seeing me?
Without my skin, bones, or flesh?

To mask all the pain in the depths,
the furthest corners of my being,
would you be willing to travel all that way?

It is a long climb,
I will not lie.
And I'm uncertain about the weather
and I cannot promise anything spectacular upon your arrival
But maybe there is
Can you wait to see?
Hold on to me

Is it worth it?
I see oceans in your eyes
& galaxies at your finger tips
Can you show me what lies inside?

I hang on to your words
I would drown without them
Can you see?
Oh, baby, you mean so much to me

Do not take these words lightly. They are heavy. they are more than just words. they are supposed to throat punch you. I beg you to let that blood drip from your eyes as my words seep with regret. feelings are never appropriate. what would a world be like if "they" never told us to stop? "stop crying," "quit laughing," "control yourself," "calm down...." my words are more than just words. do not read them do not look at them. they mean nothing unless you can feel them. put them on your tongue and taste them. feel them as they slide down your throat, and memorize the trail they blaze through your veins. taste them the way you let her lick your skin, put them in your mouth like that cigarette smoke you loathe. ecstasy to your brain & smudges to the rest. let them cut you the way you slice your arms, rip your chest open I dare you to breathe. are you uncomfortable? I would apologize but I am an object and only that. we do not apologize we are submissive. pick me up and throw me against the wall, watch me shatter I hope I get stuck in your eye. so now you will forever see me, forced to look at me and live with me the way you never would if you had the choice. bend me, throw me. I have shattered. I am unbroken. use me. take your hands & reach inside of me. pull yourself through the light, search for a way out and get caught in the dark. are you scared? colors would mean something if you would open your eyes. This could be easy, but you are so obsessed with being hard.

It is three am and my mind keeps traveling to places that contain only you

I beg to go elsewhere
I search far and high
for any place else,
but the greatest I can find
is only where you lie

Darling, your soul
destroys my kind.
we can not understand where something so beautiful came from.
the world itself is great,
yet people disappoint-
but here you are and there she is and I am less than but God I wanna be so much more

inside of me, you have sparked something
that continues to burn
I know in my heart
this burn is not slow, yet it remains constant
flames climb thru me, clawing at places they should not
consuming me endlessly

I have never felt so helpless and so scared before
after knowing you are out there,
and that I am not with you..
How could I not be?
I feel so incredibly alone
I love you, of course.
You are free.
but I am not
you have captured me

from here where do I go?
I am constantly wandering and constantly wondering...
will my heart ever let go?

my mind is so incredibly infatuated with the idea that the world could be THIS beautiful
I have seen it.
I have felt it.
I want it every waking moment.
does that make me selfish?
I want it, but I would rather give it.

There is so much to learn,
but I am learning in all the wrong ways.
it is painful to do and it is painful to be somewhere where you know you do not belong

maybe one day I will see
you and her and him again
I miss you dearly
fly free for me
change the world and still be