You will always be a promise I regret making

Maybe
I’m doing worse
Than I thought I was

I remember a time when kissing you after weeks away felt exciting and new
When butterflies felt good
A sign that we were okay

Now i will kiss you
There is no such feeling
Only home

I want to lose myself to my unhealthy urges
Piece by piece
I want to **** you off until you stay because you have to
Because you’re afraid of what I’ll do if you don’t
I want to open my mouth and lungs and let the water flood in
I want to flail in my mistakes

I have lost sight of the person you long for me to be
All I do now is imitate her every move
In the hopes you will not notice
I will never be enough