this life
can sorta pile up on you
so much so
that you begin to feel like Atlas
waking up every morning
complaining about your sore back and shoulders,
sometimes it gets to the point where
you feel it rising up inside of you
thrashing it's way upwards
from the pit of your stomach
and you feel like if you don't scream
or curse
or break something
that you will go truly mad,
I was on my way to either being mad
or having a very sore throat
until I decided to write in an old school notebook one day
and it all changed,
I still need to scream,
I just scream with my fingertips

"Divorce isn't hereditary."*
It's quite funny, you say that, actually,
Seeing as it seems to be in my family.
For a matter of fact,
It seems to be in many families.
Yes, technically speaking,
Divorce is not a hereditary disease,
But for all intents and purposes,
It can be hereditary.
Not because it's something you can catch,
But because the children grow up
And they think this is the way love is.
And they look around them,
Their friends all have divorced parents too,
So their thoughts are enforced.
It's a little funny,
Everyone is so obsessed with true love,
When it doesn't seem to really exist anymore.
At least not here.

A look,
a smile,
a shy look away
just playing the game,
a brunette girl
dressed with class,
a checkered skirt
past the knees
and an olive blouse
leaving a lot to the imagination,
they both know,
that they have been eyeing each other,
for the past twenty minutes,
but neither makes the first move,
they were just looking to play the game
not to finish it

Let me tell you about the time I got jumped,
my pumped up heart thumped me apart
it was around three AM
and we were drunk again
drinking flavored ***** in my apartment
somewhere in between boys and men
drinking to our heart's content
we head out and hit the cement
we were going to the Camel
where we thought time would unravel
It was a small venue on broad street
they did ska and jazz and other stuff
and it was never full, not by far
but we were in the mood for drunk ska
and we danced
or more so we thrashed
and kicked and punched and all kinds of other ****,
then the show was over
and we headed back
walking down broad street at 3 AM
can make you superstitious
can make you avoid every crack to avoid a broken back
we turned onto first street
and it was dark out
the sort of dark that is only viewed in a six year old's room
the sort of dark that breeds monsters in closets
or under beds, **** it, it's all in our heads,
but people are monsters that do exist
they kick and twist
vicious spirits of malice and ****
I heard the footsteps
clapclapclapclapclap
and just had time to think
"somebody is running awfully fas-"
blinding lights like fireworks
exploded in front of me
and I was on the pavement
about a  foot away from me
or where I was
what was the cause?
my face hurt, and why all this blood?
my friend Michael
he's a skinny art kid
was on the ground
getting what I can only call
the absolute **** kicked out of him
I mean he just couldn't win
they circled like vultures
these rejects of culture
"What you got? What you got?"
he got
a pair of tight skinny jeans
and a pocket full of artistic dreams
they couldn't squeeze past the seams
and they gave up
when somebody at the bus stop
yelled
"******* SOMEBODY CALL THE COPS!"
they were off
and I've never seen people run so fast
I mean seriously
these guys were hauling ***
these members of the criminal class
not bad
just desperate and lost
and sick of being **** on
so they ******* with us
they didn't even get any money
they just left behind a few bruises
and a cracked lens in Michael's glasses
We went up to my apartment
I knew I wouldn't be pressing charges
those men were indiscriminate targets
and actually finding them seemed far fetched
no instead I put some ***** on a paper towel
and put it on the **** on my arm
I then proceeded to run around the apartment
trying to articulate the burning pain of my arm
but instead it came out something like
"oh **** oh **** ohhh Jesus Christ this really ******* hurts!"
and then we drank more
and I passed out on my bed
fully clothed
my ****** arm exposed
and I fell asleep laughing
because ******* it
I was alive

give me a smile
just for a while
I promise not
to take it for granted
but granted
not all of my wishes
have been granted
but I would take a smile
it's a simple thing
but at the same time
means so much
like a loving touch
If i could get in touch
with your feelings for me
maybe then I'd be free
free from this indecision
and worrying visions
free to be free
free to just be me
free from drinking too much
because I saw you talk to some butch guy
am I the apple of your eye?
if not, tell me why,
but if you don't really feel like doing that
like I said
sweet thing
I'd be perfectly happy
if you'd just
give me
a smile

Friend zoned
dethroned
no more primrose
visions of a future untold
so you complain
she always goes for the ones with no brain
well it's a no brainer
you have to save her
right?
no wrong
this isn't some ******* love song
and you don't get to win the girl every time
by being the sensitive sort of guy
there has to be something in your *****
which give you courage to make the calls
the choices you've avoided
which would have let you down her halls,
but you never did
the friendship
was just too **** perfect
to try and evolve
so now you devolve
into beer whiskey and ****
oh aren't you such a knight
atop your noble steed?
you won't succeed
until you put the feeling
that your wheeling and dealing
will somehow strengthen some glass ceiling
but you complain
and ***** and moan
and say
"It's not fair, I'm in the friend zone."
when really it was you
who didn't own up to
all the things you were supposed to do

She owns the brightest smile
that could light the streets for miles
She has the bravery to tame the wildest beast
yet, she see's non of these

Once upon a time--not so long ago
she decided that luxury is what she would forgo
so her dreams would not fall,
Her creations could be describe with anything, but banal
What a hardy choice she made  
in a crooked world with no aide

She has the strength of ten men
like finest steel she would be hard to bend
like the toughest riddle i could never solve her
on these facts there is no err

It's rare that anyone would catch the impossible girl,
she appears only to those cut from the same burl
Impossible as it seems,
I will catch her--and not only in my dreams