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5.5k · Jun 2013
Violin
Reilly Nicole Jun 2013
Have you ever heard a violin?
The bow strumming peacefully across the strings
A beautiful symphony
Then you hit a sour note
And the beauty just starts to bleed away
Until every note is sour
Making you cringe with every beat
Making you want to scream
4.5k · Dec 2013
Don't Go
Reilly Nicole Dec 2013
I'm always so scared
That I'm gonna say or do something
That's gonna **** everything up
And cause you to stop liking me
And I can't handle that
Because you're my everything
I can't live without you
Please don't leave me
I love you
2.7k · Jun 2013
Something About You
Reilly Nicole Jun 2013
There's something about you
And I don't know what it is
You make me feel safe
You make me feel loved
I could talk to you for hours
Just talking about nothing
I could say the weirdest things
And you'd just go right along with it
There's something about you
And I don't know what it is
But I like it
2.7k · Dec 2013
Shooting Star
Reilly Nicole Dec 2013
I wanna lay in the grass with you
In some nearby park
And watch the stars twinkle overhead
And when a shooting star streaks across the sky
I won't make a wish
Because you're everything I've always wanted
2.5k · Sep 2013
Wanted
Reilly Nicole Sep 2013
I just wanted
A small scratch
Not
This huge ****
2.2k · Nov 2013
The Prince and the Princess
Reilly Nicole Nov 2013
Once upon a time
In a land close to here
There lived the most beautiful princess in all the land
She ruled the kingdom with a crystal tiara
On top of her head

It was the day that her tiara shattered
That she lost all hope to go on
She took the broken pieces
And tore away and her beautiful, pale skin
Staining herself with crimson

No matter how hard she tried
She couldn't fix her ruined crown
She couldn't put the pieces or her shattered kingdom
Back in place

Once upon a time
There was a prince
Who was the most mighty and the most kind
Prince in all the land

He heard of the princess' troubles
And rode in
On his metaphorical white horse
And carefully picked up the pieces
Of her shattered crown
and broken kingdom

He put them back together
In the most careful manner
And placed the crown back upon her head
Saving her from what she had done

But no matter how carefully the prince placed the tiara
It always hung
Just a little bit crooked
1.7k · Jun 2013
Indecisive
Reilly Nicole Jun 2013
You wrap your arms around me
And cuddle up close to me
Your voice whispers softly,
"I love you."
But there's something you're forgetting
One very important factor
You
Have
A
Girlfriend
You tell me you can't choose
You love us both the same
You can't hurt either of us
Indecisive little boy
Make
Up
Your
Mind
1.5k · Feb 2014
depressed
Reilly Nicole Feb 2014
my head is filled up
with clouds and rain
and there's no one around
to make the sun shine again
1.1k · Jun 2013
I Am
Reilly Nicole Jun 2013
I am a worthless, stupid girl
Who doesn't deserve to be loved
I am an ugly, ungrateful girl
Who cuts to take away pain
I am a disgusting, unwanted girl
Who needs help, but won't ask for it
I am an imperfect girl
Stuck in a perfect world
I am me
But I'm not proud
967 · Jun 2013
Mirror Image
Reilly Nicole Jun 2013
I am what every girl wants to be
Skinny
My hip bones stick out like jagged rocks
My ribs can be played like a xylophone
But not when I look in the mirror
My thighs are a mile wide
My stomach is swollen and flabby
My face is sickly and fat
No more food
Have to be
Skinny
Skinny
Skinnier
Until I wither away to nothing
Maybe I'll be happy then
847 · Jun 2013
Lost Innocence
Reilly Nicole Jun 2013
Blood staining your baby blanket
Your childhood washed down the drain
Tears streaking your flushed cheeks
You now hide in the dark
That you were afraid of not so long ago
You sit alone
Scared of what you've become
Your innocence gone
Along with your sanity
All of it is lost
Unable to be found
Hiding
Just like you
746 · Jan 2014
Spark Notes and Cigarettes
Reilly Nicole Jan 2014
You lean against the scratchy brick wall of the locally famous night club taking a pack of **** from your inside coat pocket.
You can feel the bass pumping through the wall, in perfect time with your racing heart.
You place the cancer stick between your lips with a shaking hand and light the poison.

You look around the empty street, trying to clear your mind.
You try to soak it all it, but you can't.
All you see is the gist of everything, never truly understanding how things work, how the world works.

You don't know why you came here tonight.
You don't know why you run away from your problems.
And you most certainly don't know why you ignore all the enormous problems, when you can barely get yourself to understand the minuscule ones.

You take a long drag on your gasper and breathe out the toxic chemicals that are slowly destroying your wheezing lungs and look around the deserted street once again.
No change
No nothing
You're alone
Living your life in Spark Notes and cigarettes
730 · Jun 2013
You're My Best Friend
Reilly Nicole Jun 2013
I roll up my sleeves
And show you my scars
You hold my hand
And kiss my skin
You tell me you love me
And that you'll never leave
You make me promise
To never hurt myself again
Tears well up in my eyes
And I whisper to agree
Thank you
I love you
You're my best friend
Reilly Nicole May 2013
My skin is a canvas
There for me to draw
When the voice consumes my mind
And the blade begins to call.

I’ve tried to stop myself
From doing what it says
But my hand acts of its own accord
Drawing out the red.

I say that I am better
That I won’t do it again
But there’s a demon that lurks inside
Hidden behind my grin.

It tells me I’m not good enough
That I will never succeed
And it makes me draw the ugly lines
From my hips down to my knees.

I’m sorry I’m not perfect
Or who you want me to be
But in truth the person you’re looking at
Isn’t the real me.
709 · Nov 2013
This New Boy
Reilly Nicole Nov 2013
I was so happy
With this new boy
That made me forget that
You and I ever existed

Then you tell me you're biggest secret
You had ***
With your current girl toy
Washing up memories
I thought I had scrubbed away

Now the terrible thoughts leak back into my head
Drowning all my happiness
With this vow of silence
You made me take

I feel  my aching mind ticking like a time bomb
That could go off at any second
Causing me to snap
And stain myself in hot crimson

I take a needle and thread and sew my mouth shut
I close my eyes and try and wipe away the memory of you confiding in me
Bleaching my brain cells in the process
Causing me to grow weary once more
Killing any ounce of feeling I had left

So, I'd like to thank you for what you have done
You started to pull me back to you
Thus strengthening my feelings for my new boy
The one who is nice to me
The one who doesn't lie to me
The one who really loves me
Unlike you
He's better
And doesn't constantly tear me down
And make me want to cease my existence

He helps me breathe in this toxic air you've created and expel it as if nothing had ever happened between you and I
673 · Jul 2013
Relapse
Reilly Nicole Jul 2013
The smile on her face
Has been replaced with a frown
The cheeriness in her eyes
Has been replaced with emptiness
The laughter in her voice
Has been filled with sorrow
The blush on her cheeks
Has been stained with tears
The old scars on her skin
Have been renewed with a blade
The recovery she was so proud of
Has been taken away
673 · Aug 2013
Flawed
Reilly Nicole Aug 2013
I roll up your sleeve
And see your heart
Burned into your skin

You roll up mine
And see the scars
Left from year's past

We smile at each other
And kiss the other's flaws
Loving what makes us different
636 · Feb 2014
Grandmother's Grave
Reilly Nicole Feb 2014
If tears could build a staircase
And memories a lane
I'd walk right up to heaven
And bring you back again
634 · Jun 2013
You're My Whole World
Reilly Nicole Jun 2013
In a room full of people, my eyes will always search for yours
But every time I look at you, I cry for you are not looking back at me.
Oh how I have wished your beautiful eyes to gaze on me so that I might smile again.
How I wait for those eyes that sparkle like stars and your smile that could melt the coldest snow.
How I wait for it to warm me.
How I long to have your arms wrapped around me.
Your breath hot on my neck speaking those simple yet complicated words.
I hold each breath and wait for you to say them those three simple words.
And then your breathe catches and you speak, but only a whisper. "I love you"
627 · Aug 2013
Winter
Reilly Nicole Aug 2013
Winter is a beautiful season
The way the snow lands on the skeletal trees
The glistening icicles hanging from the roof
The lazy days staying cuddled in blankets with hot chocolate
But my favorite thing about winter
Is no one asks why I wear a sweatshirt
Giving me the perfect chance
To create more scars on my arms
625 · Jan 2014
Symphony
Reilly Nicole Jan 2014
Let's live our lives in major chords
And leave behind the thought
Of sour notes and key changes
611 · Jan 2014
Crave(6 words)
Reilly Nicole Jan 2014
I'm
craving
Adventure
Attention
And
You
552 · Jun 2013
Fall Apart
Reilly Nicole Jun 2013
I'm trying to accept
That you have moved on
That you just left me behind
For some beautiful girl
I really hate
That you don't love me any more
But there's one thing
That's really going to crush me
The second I see
You and her together
I will fall apart
And will not be able to be put back together
Tears will fall down my cheeks
And my muffled cries will be heard from afar
I will bleed on the floor
And pound on the walls
Just leave me alone
And let me die on the inside
552 · Dec 2013
Guilt Creating Words
Reilly Nicole Dec 2013
We spoke to each other
With ecstasy dripping off our lips
I couldn't stop myself
From saying the things that just slipped out
You made me promise silence

A promise that was quickly broken
When I told my boy about it
Because the guilt was eating me alive
And he needed to be told

He said he was disappointed in me
And he has every right to be
Because it's basically as if I cheated on him
Using words instead of actions

But even after this incident
We're closer than ever before
And I don't know how that could be
But I've never been more guilty yet grateful in my life
543 · Jun 2013
Don't Worry
Reilly Nicole Jun 2013
Don't worry about it.
Her voice as sharp as blades.
Just give up on him.
Screeching like nails on a chalkboard
You can feel your world crashing around you.
You're falling.
No one is giving you the answers you need.
Life doesn't have a cheat sheet.
You need to figure this out.
But you can't think straight.
But don't worry.
I'm here for you.
I'll pick you back up once you crash.
You'll be okay.
Don't worry about it.
532 · Aug 2013
Begging For Your Touch
Reilly Nicole Aug 2013
Your mouth
could do
brutal
things
to my
heart
but you’re a
risk
I’m willing to
****
because I have a feeling
your hands
would do
beautiful
things
to my
thighs.
521 · Aug 2013
Stay Strong
Reilly Nicole Aug 2013
I hate the phrase
"Stay Strong"
Because I am not weak
When I am at a low point in life
I am not weak when I skip a meal
I am not weak when my fingers slip down my throat
I am not weak when I dig a blade into my skin
Because weak human beings
Don't have enough courage
To destroy themselves the way I do
496 · Sep 2013
Mine
Reilly Nicole Sep 2013
Every time I see you
With another girl
Even just sitting
Or standing next to one
I get this huge rush
Of jealousy
Because you're still mine
Even though you aren't *mine
488 · Jun 2013
Alone
Reilly Nicole Jun 2013
With a knife in my hand
Blood drips to the floor
My mind is screaming
Begging for more

With a slash of a blade
Crimson stains my pale skin
A scream parts my lips
Someone please make this end

My head just feels cloudy
Nothing feels right
I want this to end
On this depressing, dark night

Everything hurts
I scream with the pain
Someone please help me
Make me happy again

My eyelids grow heavy
But I won't die tonight
My whole body aches
This starts to feel right

I drift off to sleep
Darkness surrounding my mind
Maybe, just maybe 
There's a chance I'll be fine
476 · Aug 2013
I Can Stop
Reilly Nicole Aug 2013
I relapsed again
And I don't want to tell you
But I know that I will
Itll stay in the back of my mind
Until I blurt it out as I lift my shorts to show you

Then I'll look over to you
And feel terrible when you sigh
And get that look on your face
That says you're disappointed in me
That you could've done way better than me
And you don't know why you're still helping

So I'm sorry I'm not perfect
And that I will slip up from time to time
But it's not just something I can just stop
With the flip of a switch
But I know I can stop it
I just need you to be there for me
457 · Jun 2013
She's An Angel
Reilly Nicole Jun 2013
She's an angel with broken wings
She's ready to jump, but she can't soar above the clouds
She's an angel with a halo as black as midnight
She spends her tired nights drawing crimson on her skin
She's an angel whos beauty I can't fathom into words
She's the love of my life
She's an angel who lights up my world
She's my best friend
She's an angel
457 · Jul 2013
Recover
Reilly Nicole Jul 2013
Her eyes looked tired
And they were red and swollen
Like she had been crying for too long

Her clothes looked baggy
And her sleeves were long
Like she was trying to hide something

Her face showed sorrow
And there were purple bags under her eyes
Like she hasn't slept well in a while

Her mouth formed a frown
And her lips looked dry and chapped
Like she hasn't smiled in a long time

Her deep brown irises looked bright
And her clothes didn't hide her scars
And her beautiful smile had returned
Like none of those bad things had ever happened
453 · Aug 2013
One Little Mistake
Reilly Nicole Aug 2013
It's only when
You're all alone in your room
And the only light is a dim lamp
and the only sound is your silent weeping

That's when you make a mistake
You press too hard or go to fast
And you cut too deep
Blood never stopping

That's when your breath hitches in your throat
That's when the panic sets it
And you become frightened
Frightened of death

So you grab and old pillow case
Or some sort of old rag
And press it to the wound
Trying to find some way to make it stop

You keep it there all night
Even when you drift off into a dreamless sleep
You awake in the morning to find the bleeding has stopped
But your sheet is covered in blood

You give a small sigh of relief
And run to the bathroom to clean it
You wince when the peroxide bubbles inside
And shake as you wrap it in a bandage

Now you must pull down your sleeves
To hide it from view
No one must know of your tragic little accident
But the scars it will hold will always remind you of your little mistake
450 · Jun 2013
To Nowhere
Reilly Nicole Jun 2013
Rain soaks through my clothes
And chills me to the bone
My sneakers slap against the concrete
I wander the streets alone
Headlights pass by
Ignoring me
I should head home
Mum and Dad will be worried, right?
No.
I'll continue on my journey
My journey to nowhere
430 · Dec 2013
Control
Reilly Nicole Dec 2013
I know things **** now
But if you would stop trying
To ******* control me
Everything will get better
423 · Jan 2014
I'm Out Of Time
Reilly Nicole Jan 2014
I haven't done anything at all today
Because missing you takes up all my time
416 · Jun 2013
Storm
Reilly Nicole Jun 2013
The rain falls against the window
Sounding like the soft pitter-patter of a child's feet
Lightning flashes
Like the sky is taking a picture
Thunder booms
Like the mighty king of the sky
I lay in my bedroom
Staring up at the glow-in-the-dark stars on my ceiling
I listen to the storm play through its symphony
And carry me off to slumber
412 · Jul 2013
Where were you?
Reilly Nicole Jul 2013
You said you'd always be there for me
But where were you
When the clock strikes 3 am
And I'm sitting in bed
All alone
With tears stinging my eyes
Pills settling in my stomach
And a dull razor blade dancing across my skin
Wanting you beside me
To hold me and tell me
That everything is going to be okay
And that you love me
So please tell me
Where were you
When my thoughts were full of suicide
And the only thing I needed
Was you
412 · Dec 2013
Lucky
Reilly Nicole Dec 2013
You know when people say
"You only get lucky once"
That's totally okay with me
Because I don't need to get lucky again
I already have you
403 · Aug 2013
Scream
Reilly Nicole Aug 2013
I scream your name
At the top of my lungs
But you never answer
Not even with the smallest whisper
I'm starting to realize
That you stopped caring
And that I need to just give up
402 · Dec 2013
Skin Marks
Reilly Nicole Dec 2013
With each deep mark
I make on my skin
You said that it kills you
On the inside

Well, honey
My insides died along time ago
And that's why the marks
No longer cause me sorrow

Though I don't like seeing
The way your eyes dim
When I tell you that the tally marks
Have increased in quantity

So maybe I'll stop
So I don't cause you pain
Or maybe I'll hide it from you
Like the way I do with everyone else
396 · Jun 2013
His Own Lullaby
Reilly Nicole Jun 2013
he sits in his room
alone in the dark
tears in his eyes
a silver blade in his sight
everyone's asleep
no one to hear him cry
his voice softly whispers
his own lullaby
"hush little child
don't go to bed
'cause then all the monsters
who live in your head
will only just hurt you
until you are dead."
his mind goes cloudy
as the metal touches his skin
he whispers to himself
"alright monsters, you win"
he carves deep and carves hard
his warm blood pouring out
he bites his lip hard
as he tries not to shout
he wraps himself up
after the bleeding has stopped
"it's final." he whispers
"i've just given up"
"i'll write down my note
and say my goodbye
i won't tell them my story
but i'll sing my lullaby."
384 · Jun 2013
Depression
Reilly Nicole Jun 2013
I'm always so tired
I never want to put effort into anything
I just want to lay in my room
Cuddled up in my blankets
Lay in silence
With clouded thoughts clogging my mind
My depression is eating me alive
And I just sit here and let it
374 · Jun 2013
Do you?
Reilly Nicole Jun 2013
Do you ever get that tingling feeling in your skin?
Where you need to take a blade to your skin to make it stop?
Does your head ever get cloudy?
To the point where you don't know what's right and what's wrong?
Do you ever want to take your own life?
By hanging by a leather belt?
By swallowing sleeping pills?
By slicing your wrists?
Do you ever just want to be gone?
373 · May 2013
A Letter To You
Reilly Nicole May 2013
My tears stain the pages of my farewell
Ink smudges against my skin
I sign my name at the bottom
Besides a "Goodbye"
I read over my words
"I love you's" running across the lines.
"Please dont cry." smudged on the sides.
"I'm sorry." written everywhere.
And your name is placed carefully in between.
So this is my farewell.
I love you.
Please don't cry.
I'm sorry.
Goodbye.
358 · Jun 2013
With You
Reilly Nicole Jun 2013
Tear stained eyes
Love stained lips
I'll kiss you goodbye
Under this starry night sky
"I'll see you in heaven."
I whisper under my breath
"Shh, don't say that. You're not going yet."
You smile and kiss my lips once again
"Goodbye, I love you."
"I'll see you again."
356 · Jul 2013
I Miss You
Reilly Nicole Jul 2013
I miss you
So much
Please come back to me
And tell me you love me once again
354 · Aug 2013
Him
Reilly Nicole Aug 2013
Him
My greatest dream
And my worst nightmare is the same person
My last thoughts will be him
My last words, his name
Always on my lips
I whisper it
I scream it
Knowing once he answers
My world will be whole again
And  everything will be okay.
I hold on to his name like an amulet
But what if he doesnt answer me anymore ?
349 · Jul 2013
You're Actually Gone
Reilly Nicole Jul 2013
I've been dreading this day for quite sometime
The day you finally push me away
Leave me behind to rot
You didn't deserve what you got
Possibly a sharp slap to the face
It's all my fault
And I couldn't be more sorry
Now I'm lost and wandering
Because I don't know what to do without you
You must have forgotten that you are my everything
That you're the reason I'm still alive
But now you're gone
And you're probably going to forget what we had
You just kicked me out of your life
Just like everyone will do eventually
Don't worry
I'll get used to it
346 · Aug 2013
Guts
Reilly Nicole Aug 2013
I asked if you still love me
And you just looked away and sighed
I asked you why you didnt love me
And you just said it was nothing
So all I want to know is why
But you don't have the guts to tell me anything
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