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Feb 2014 · 1.5k
depressed
Reilly Nicole Feb 2014
my head is filled up
with clouds and rain
and there's no one around
to make the sun shine again
Feb 2014 · 638
Grandmother's Grave
Reilly Nicole Feb 2014
If tears could build a staircase
And memories a lane
I'd walk right up to heaven
And bring you back again
Jan 2014 · 613
Crave(6 words)
Reilly Nicole Jan 2014
I'm
craving
Adventure
Attention
And
You
Jan 2014 · 425
I'm Out Of Time
Reilly Nicole Jan 2014
I haven't done anything at all today
Because missing you takes up all my time
Jan 2014 · 348
Alone
Reilly Nicole Jan 2014
You
Are
My
3 AM
Thoughts
When
I'm
Lying
In
Bed
Alone
Jan 2014 · 628
Symphony
Reilly Nicole Jan 2014
Let's live our lives in major chords
And leave behind the thought
Of sour notes and key changes
Jan 2014 · 750
Spark Notes and Cigarettes
Reilly Nicole Jan 2014
You lean against the scratchy brick wall of the locally famous night club taking a pack of **** from your inside coat pocket.
You can feel the bass pumping through the wall, in perfect time with your racing heart.
You place the cancer stick between your lips with a shaking hand and light the poison.

You look around the empty street, trying to clear your mind.
You try to soak it all it, but you can't.
All you see is the gist of everything, never truly understanding how things work, how the world works.

You don't know why you came here tonight.
You don't know why you run away from your problems.
And you most certainly don't know why you ignore all the enormous problems, when you can barely get yourself to understand the minuscule ones.

You take a long drag on your gasper and breathe out the toxic chemicals that are slowly destroying your wheezing lungs and look around the deserted street once again.
No change
No nothing
You're alone
Living your life in Spark Notes and cigarettes
Dec 2013 · 4.5k
Don't Go
Reilly Nicole Dec 2013
I'm always so scared
That I'm gonna say or do something
That's gonna **** everything up
And cause you to stop liking me
And I can't handle that
Because you're my everything
I can't live without you
Please don't leave me
I love you
Dec 2013 · 2.7k
Shooting Star
Reilly Nicole Dec 2013
I wanna lay in the grass with you
In some nearby park
And watch the stars twinkle overhead
And when a shooting star streaks across the sky
I won't make a wish
Because you're everything I've always wanted
Dec 2013 · 414
Lucky
Reilly Nicole Dec 2013
You know when people say
"You only get lucky once"
That's totally okay with me
Because I don't need to get lucky again
I already have you
Dec 2013 · 432
Control
Reilly Nicole Dec 2013
I know things **** now
But if you would stop trying
To ******* control me
Everything will get better
Dec 2013 · 404
Skin Marks
Reilly Nicole Dec 2013
With each deep mark
I make on my skin
You said that it kills you
On the inside

Well, honey
My insides died along time ago
And that's why the marks
No longer cause me sorrow

Though I don't like seeing
The way your eyes dim
When I tell you that the tally marks
Have increased in quantity

So maybe I'll stop
So I don't cause you pain
Or maybe I'll hide it from you
Like the way I do with everyone else
Dec 2013 · 250
Untitled
Reilly Nicole Dec 2013
Why do you still love me
If I'm a piece of trash
Who never deserved you
To begin with
Dec 2013 · 555
Guilt Creating Words
Reilly Nicole Dec 2013
We spoke to each other
With ecstasy dripping off our lips
I couldn't stop myself
From saying the things that just slipped out
You made me promise silence

A promise that was quickly broken
When I told my boy about it
Because the guilt was eating me alive
And he needed to be told

He said he was disappointed in me
And he has every right to be
Because it's basically as if I cheated on him
Using words instead of actions

But even after this incident
We're closer than ever before
And I don't know how that could be
But I've never been more guilty yet grateful in my life
Nov 2013 · 712
This New Boy
Reilly Nicole Nov 2013
I was so happy
With this new boy
That made me forget that
You and I ever existed

Then you tell me you're biggest secret
You had ***
With your current girl toy
Washing up memories
I thought I had scrubbed away

Now the terrible thoughts leak back into my head
Drowning all my happiness
With this vow of silence
You made me take

I feel  my aching mind ticking like a time bomb
That could go off at any second
Causing me to snap
And stain myself in hot crimson

I take a needle and thread and sew my mouth shut
I close my eyes and try and wipe away the memory of you confiding in me
Bleaching my brain cells in the process
Causing me to grow weary once more
Killing any ounce of feeling I had left

So, I'd like to thank you for what you have done
You started to pull me back to you
Thus strengthening my feelings for my new boy
The one who is nice to me
The one who doesn't lie to me
The one who really loves me
Unlike you
He's better
And doesn't constantly tear me down
And make me want to cease my existence

He helps me breathe in this toxic air you've created and expel it as if nothing had ever happened between you and I
Nov 2013 · 2.2k
The Prince and the Princess
Reilly Nicole Nov 2013
Once upon a time
In a land close to here
There lived the most beautiful princess in all the land
She ruled the kingdom with a crystal tiara
On top of her head

It was the day that her tiara shattered
That she lost all hope to go on
She took the broken pieces
And tore away and her beautiful, pale skin
Staining herself with crimson

No matter how hard she tried
She couldn't fix her ruined crown
She couldn't put the pieces or her shattered kingdom
Back in place

Once upon a time
There was a prince
Who was the most mighty and the most kind
Prince in all the land

He heard of the princess' troubles
And rode in
On his metaphorical white horse
And carefully picked up the pieces
Of her shattered crown
and broken kingdom

He put them back together
In the most careful manner
And placed the crown back upon her head
Saving her from what she had done

But no matter how carefully the prince placed the tiara
It always hung
Just a little bit crooked
Sep 2013 · 2.5k
Wanted
Reilly Nicole Sep 2013
I just wanted
A small scratch
Not
This huge ****
Sep 2013 · 500
Mine
Reilly Nicole Sep 2013
Every time I see you
With another girl
Even just sitting
Or standing next to one
I get this huge rush
Of jealousy
Because you're still mine
Even though you aren't *mine
Aug 2013 · 524
Stay Strong
Reilly Nicole Aug 2013
I hate the phrase
"Stay Strong"
Because I am not weak
When I am at a low point in life
I am not weak when I skip a meal
I am not weak when my fingers slip down my throat
I am not weak when I dig a blade into my skin
Because weak human beings
Don't have enough courage
To destroy themselves the way I do
Aug 2013 · 311
There's A Difference
Reilly Nicole Aug 2013
You talk
to me
with words
And I
look at you
with feelings
Aug 2013 · 536
Begging For Your Touch
Reilly Nicole Aug 2013
Your mouth
could do
brutal
things
to my
heart
but you’re a
risk
I’m willing to
****
because I have a feeling
your hands
would do
beautiful
things
to my
thighs.
Aug 2013 · 354
Him
Reilly Nicole Aug 2013
Him
My greatest dream
And my worst nightmare is the same person
My last thoughts will be him
My last words, his name
Always on my lips
I whisper it
I scream it
Knowing once he answers
My world will be whole again
And  everything will be okay.
I hold on to his name like an amulet
But what if he doesnt answer me anymore ?
Aug 2013 · 629
Winter
Reilly Nicole Aug 2013
Winter is a beautiful season
The way the snow lands on the skeletal trees
The glistening icicles hanging from the roof
The lazy days staying cuddled in blankets with hot chocolate
But my favorite thing about winter
Is no one asks why I wear a sweatshirt
Giving me the perfect chance
To create more scars on my arms
Aug 2013 · 405
Scream
Reilly Nicole Aug 2013
I scream your name
At the top of my lungs
But you never answer
Not even with the smallest whisper
I'm starting to realize
That you stopped caring
And that I need to just give up
Aug 2013 · 303
Effect
Reilly Nicole Aug 2013
You
Don't
Even
Know
How
Much
You
Effect
Me
Anymore
Aug 2013 · 457
One Little Mistake
Reilly Nicole Aug 2013
It's only when
You're all alone in your room
And the only light is a dim lamp
and the only sound is your silent weeping

That's when you make a mistake
You press too hard or go to fast
And you cut too deep
Blood never stopping

That's when your breath hitches in your throat
That's when the panic sets it
And you become frightened
Frightened of death

So you grab and old pillow case
Or some sort of old rag
And press it to the wound
Trying to find some way to make it stop

You keep it there all night
Even when you drift off into a dreamless sleep
You awake in the morning to find the bleeding has stopped
But your sheet is covered in blood

You give a small sigh of relief
And run to the bathroom to clean it
You wince when the peroxide bubbles inside
And shake as you wrap it in a bandage

Now you must pull down your sleeves
To hide it from view
No one must know of your tragic little accident
But the scars it will hold will always remind you of your little mistake
Aug 2013 · 313
Too Much
Reilly Nicole Aug 2013
Why
Is
It
Too
Much
To
Ask
To
Be
*Happy?
Aug 2013 · 676
Flawed
Reilly Nicole Aug 2013
I roll up your sleeve
And see your heart
Burned into your skin

You roll up mine
And see the scars
Left from year's past

We smile at each other
And kiss the other's flaws
Loving what makes us different
Aug 2013 · 349
Guts
Reilly Nicole Aug 2013
I asked if you still love me
And you just looked away and sighed
I asked you why you didnt love me
And you just said it was nothing
So all I want to know is why
But you don't have the guts to tell me anything
Aug 2013 · 478
I Can Stop
Reilly Nicole Aug 2013
I relapsed again
And I don't want to tell you
But I know that I will
Itll stay in the back of my mind
Until I blurt it out as I lift my shorts to show you

Then I'll look over to you
And feel terrible when you sigh
And get that look on your face
That says you're disappointed in me
That you could've done way better than me
And you don't know why you're still helping

So I'm sorry I'm not perfect
And that I will slip up from time to time
But it's not just something I can just stop
With the flip of a switch
But I know I can stop it
I just need you to be there for me
Jul 2013 · 286
You Should Know
Reilly Nicole Jul 2013
You should know
That I'm not just going to leave
After you confessed your secret to me
You should know
That sometimes
I forget I have messages piling up
You should know
That I don't think any less of you
Or that what you did was satanic in a way
You should know
I'm still your friend
And I'm not going anywhere
Jul 2013 · 312
My Escape
Reilly Nicole Jul 2013
I know my writing makes me sound sad
Maybe even suicidal
But this is how I hold myself together
This is how I stop doing something bad
I'm sorry if this makes you upset
Or if it makes you hate me
I just don't know how to write happy things anymore
I'll stop if you want me to
I'm so sorry
Jul 2013 · 283
Dying(10w)
Reilly Nicole Jul 2013
I'm
Scared
Of
Dying
But
I
Want
To
Die
Jul 2013 · 358
I Miss You
Reilly Nicole Jul 2013
I miss you
So much
Please come back to me
And tell me you love me once again
Jul 2013 · 254
Healing(10w)
Reilly Nicole Jul 2013
I
Promise
You
I
Am
Really
Trying
To
Get
Better
Jul 2013 · 674
Relapse
Reilly Nicole Jul 2013
The smile on her face
Has been replaced with a frown
The cheeriness in her eyes
Has been replaced with emptiness
The laughter in her voice
Has been filled with sorrow
The blush on her cheeks
Has been stained with tears
The old scars on her skin
Have been renewed with a blade
The recovery she was so proud of
Has been taken away
Jul 2013 · 459
Recover
Reilly Nicole Jul 2013
Her eyes looked tired
And they were red and swollen
Like she had been crying for too long

Her clothes looked baggy
And her sleeves were long
Like she was trying to hide something

Her face showed sorrow
And there were purple bags under her eyes
Like she hasn't slept well in a while

Her mouth formed a frown
And her lips looked dry and chapped
Like she hasn't smiled in a long time

Her deep brown irises looked bright
And her clothes didn't hide her scars
And her beautiful smile had returned
Like none of those bad things had ever happened
Jul 2013 · 232
Fall(10w)
Reilly Nicole Jul 2013
You
Let
Me
Fall
With
No
Plan
To
Catch
Me
Jul 2013 · 417
Where were you?
Reilly Nicole Jul 2013
You said you'd always be there for me
But where were you
When the clock strikes 3 am
And I'm sitting in bed
All alone
With tears stinging my eyes
Pills settling in my stomach
And a dull razor blade dancing across my skin
Wanting you beside me
To hold me and tell me
That everything is going to be okay
And that you love me
So please tell me
Where were you
When my thoughts were full of suicide
And the only thing I needed
Was you
Jul 2013 · 352
You're Actually Gone
Reilly Nicole Jul 2013
I've been dreading this day for quite sometime
The day you finally push me away
Leave me behind to rot
You didn't deserve what you got
Possibly a sharp slap to the face
It's all my fault
And I couldn't be more sorry
Now I'm lost and wandering
Because I don't know what to do without you
You must have forgotten that you are my everything
That you're the reason I'm still alive
But now you're gone
And you're probably going to forget what we had
You just kicked me out of your life
Just like everyone will do eventually
Don't worry
I'll get used to it
Jul 2013 · 256
Would You?
Reilly Nicole Jul 2013
Would
You
Still
Think
I'm
Beautiful
If
I
Sent
You
A
Picture
Of
Myself
Covered
In
Cuts
And
Scars?
Jul 2013 · 329
Thinking Of You
Reilly Nicole Jul 2013
As I down this bottle of pills
You're the only thing on my mind
As blood drips from my skin
You're the only thing I'm thinking of
As I skip another meal
You're embedded into my brain
I can never stop thinking of you
No matter how hard I try
My head always seems to find a way back to you
Just like my heart does
Every single time
Jun 2013 · 1.7k
Indecisive
Reilly Nicole Jun 2013
You wrap your arms around me
And cuddle up close to me
Your voice whispers softly,
"I love you."
But there's something you're forgetting
One very important factor
You
Have
A
Girlfriend
You tell me you can't choose
You love us both the same
You can't hurt either of us
Indecisive little boy
Make
Up
Your
Mind
Jun 2013 · 859
Lost Innocence
Reilly Nicole Jun 2013
Blood staining your baby blanket
Your childhood washed down the drain
Tears streaking your flushed cheeks
You now hide in the dark
That you were afraid of not so long ago
You sit alone
Scared of what you've become
Your innocence gone
Along with your sanity
All of it is lost
Unable to be found
Hiding
Just like you
Jun 2013 · 321
Bloodied Words
Reilly Nicole Jun 2013
I hold a cold blade in my hand
As tears fall across my face
I hold it against my skin
And take a deep breath
"I'm sorry." I whisper
As I start to draw blood
These cuts form letters
The ones that spell out your name
I need to keep this a secret
So, I won't tell you
That your name has been engraved in my leg
Ever since the day I started to miss you
Jun 2013 · 298
Go Away
Reilly Nicole Jun 2013
I want you to go away
I don't want to hear about your problems
I don't want you to say, "I'm sorry." a thousand times
I don't want to tell you anything that's going on
I'm sick of you
I'm tired of hearing the same old thing
I don't care
I  really don't want to talk to you
I don't
I don't
I don't
Jun 2013 · 971
Mirror Image
Reilly Nicole Jun 2013
I am what every girl wants to be
Skinny
My hip bones stick out like jagged rocks
My ribs can be played like a xylophone
But not when I look in the mirror
My thighs are a mile wide
My stomach is swollen and flabby
My face is sickly and fat
No more food
Have to be
Skinny
Skinny
Skinnier
Until I wither away to nothing
Maybe I'll be happy then
Jun 2013 · 1.1k
I Am
Reilly Nicole Jun 2013
I am a worthless, stupid girl
Who doesn't deserve to be loved
I am an ugly, ungrateful girl
Who cuts to take away pain
I am a disgusting, unwanted girl
Who needs help, but won't ask for it
I am an imperfect girl
Stuck in a perfect world
I am me
But I'm not proud
Jun 2013 · 452
To Nowhere
Reilly Nicole Jun 2013
Rain soaks through my clothes
And chills me to the bone
My sneakers slap against the concrete
I wander the streets alone
Headlights pass by
Ignoring me
I should head home
Mum and Dad will be worried, right?
No.
I'll continue on my journey
My journey to nowhere
Jun 2013 · 5.5k
Violin
Reilly Nicole Jun 2013
Have you ever heard a violin?
The bow strumming peacefully across the strings
A beautiful symphony
Then you hit a sour note
And the beauty just starts to bleed away
Until every note is sour
Making you cringe with every beat
Making you want to scream
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