I thought
Hate
Was like chickenpox
Now I think it's more like
******

I use to protect you
stepped on eggshells
around you

I would lie
for you
lie to you
I'd put you
before me

hate who you
hated
loved who you
loved

I tried to save you
I sacrificed my life
my emotions
morals
all
for
you

turned out
I broke you
even more
than before
and I broke
myself
too

I made you
think yourself
more than
you are
and made myself believe
it too

I blinded you
with good
intentions
and hurt myself
with bad
ones

my friend
I am very sorry
I killed you
with love
and fixed
myself with
hate

I live in a house
that is not a home
and never will be
my mother tries to understand why
why do you not feel at home?
what did we do wrong?
well to tell you the truth

the walls feel confining
but it was not the architects mistake

the rooms seemed unloved
unlived in
but not because you didn't
love me

the floor seems to ache like my bones
but that isn't because the home is old

I feel uncomfortable in this house
you tried so hard to make a home
because to me
home is where your heart lies
and my heart roams
free

my home is the trees
and the sun
the cool breeze
the warm soft dirt
the sun baked raspberries
and chewed up sweet peas

my home is the
tears that have fallen
the lessons that were learned
(repeatedly)
the smiles that we have shared
laughs and snorts
love and hate

my home is the world
and this house is indeed
a part of the earth
but my dearest mother
it will never be my home.

I stare at you
from across the room
We're friends but the line is somewhat blurred
By stupid words said in the wisest of times
I fell in lust with you but you didn't lust me too
So I sold my innocence upon a man who didn't know what he had taken
Now I'm left without the crave of touch but instead the need for love
And undeniably true
I still look to you