It used to be
exciting just before the dawn
It used to be
amazing to see a shooting star's swarm
It used to be
frightening to stand out in a storm
It used to be
all of these and so so so much more

I used to marvel
at the ways that were of woman
I used to marvel
at the way a baby lay sleeping
I used to do a lot of things
that now I would not undertake
I used to do a lot things
that I now know were mistakes

I used to , used to ,
but now I'm all used up
I am awake before the dawn
but it wasn't by choice or fate
And as I search a cloudless sky
looking for the star that passed me by
I'm thinking to myself
"used to" comes softly with a sigh

She admires him from afar.
His radiant skin absorbs
Her lust and her complete focus.
His laugh is the gasoline
That sets her womanhood ablaze.
She desires her full lips
Against his seductive skin.

Her lust filled focus is yanked
Back to the true future she face.

His heart was not hers to nurture,
Yet his heart was hers to reject.
That silky skin was spoken for;
That laugh ignites another’s heart,
Yet tortures hers sub equally.
The war to fight her morals
Wages untold ruin inside.
Should she allow lust to stimulate her,
Or respect her friend’s family future?

Jealously or sorrow?
Which one gnaws at the seam of a heart?
Pieces fall, imparting a hole so hollow.
Your happiness is an understandable part,
But how do I rejoice with no hope to borrow?
I was truly happy for you from the start.
As the blessing cohabitating within you joyfully wallows,
But sadness and happiness are playing a game using my heart as a board for darts,
And my judgement using my emotions as a soiled harrow.
At this instant I’m incapable of being smart.
I just pray to be called “mom” on a future ‘morrow!