I wrote this on 10-27-12 and I wrote 2 versions of the poem.. I didn't know which one was better..Tell me what you think guys .. Also on the first version I was wondering if I should add a last line which would be "Last night's chaos" however I think it might take away the effect? or maybe it sounds more like a song sort of thing if I add it? But it's a great style..I mean repetition, you know? Feel free to comment ..It would be greatly appreciated

#1 (Original verson)


Clearly irregular
Jagged triangles
Piercing pain
Needles pinching flesh
Drowning the shards
Flowing red
Transcending across them to the door
It was from last night
Last night's chaos
The door, the only escape from this mess
And all this will be forgotten
As I shove the door ajar,
My eyes blur as I see your hand
And we're back to last night


Version #2

All of them forming an icy floor
Clearly irregular jagged traiangles
Piercing pain as needles pinch flesh
Flowing red curtains drown the shards
Transcending across them to the door
It was from last night's chaos
The door, the only escape from this mess
And all this will be forgotten
Every step an act of strength
Forcing my eyes to stare down the door
To force it open and As I meet my new life
As I shove the door ajar
My heart stops and I hear the glass shattering again
My eyes blur in a split-second as I see your hand
And we're back to that night
We're back to last night

It is August 22th.
Nothing special happened today.
Like usual.
Just disappointments and expectations destroyed.
Sirens.
Will you still love me when I'm no longer young?
And beautiful?
Will you still care?
Will you still wait?
If I got locked away,
Would you still love me the same?

I wrote this at rehab last fall.
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The forests are covered with white snowy icicles
The wind is calling for a storm
The wolf packs are calling for peace
And my heart is calling for a home

9/26/12


Blots of crimson cloud

Waterfalls,splashing the surface

One by one

All of them fell

Dripping unto the stone cold floors

One intertwining with the other,making swirls

Making its lazy journey across the once-spotless squares

Streams of faint red following the way the grain went

Guilt chased innocence until it hid from sight

Red rained on guilt and then,a quietness formed

A quietness that even made innocence sick

Hated to see that teardrop
That slid down your face that cold day

Loved you from the first moment
My eyes caressed your face

Didn't understand how people
Could be so cruel

That was the day
I vowed I'd never hurt you
Or ever tell you that I loved you

5/31/12

Enclosed, separated from the outside world
Watching scenes from behind a window pane
Defeated, trapped in a different world
Becoming unconscious of existence but still sane
Motionless, lifeless until another inhale is felt
Nothing to keep its company except a black curtain
No freedom nor independence, reaching for an escape
Swallowing every bit of criticism, negativity and disapproval
Lenses begin to blur as black clay runs down cliffs
Sudden bursts of red appear, exhaling as energy is absorbed
For once, it feels like everything will be okay

11/4/12

Almond-shaped foilage cover the earth
Fortresses of breath-taking branches and limbs
Bark richly-colored by silver and white
All around, pigments of gold and burgandy surround
And up above, a blanket of white
Like a canopy
A pause present in order to reflect
And all I can say is nothing, nothing at all

Away, in a dream
Close, in reality
When you wake
You come to find
That you were close
All along

9/26/12
Note: I don't title a lot of my poems.
I think it takes away the effect..
  

They saw me before I saw them

There were many of them

Thousands and thousands of butterflies

They watched me as I lay in the grass

They seemed so free

So light, so beautiful

I wanted to be like them

But I was in the grass

Bound to the earth

They, loose, in the air

I couldn't get up, I know, because I kept dreaming

Staring at the vivid colors blending together like a painting

I dreamed that I was in that painting

But it didn't change anything

It just made me realize something

That I wasn't amongst them

I wasn't free

8-30-13

I raise my hand
I'm begging for help
My veins are like wind chimes
Dangling in the wind
Begging to be let out
To be visible
To make music
Music of the weak
To be vibrant sparklers
To run down steep banks
It's their fantasy to be free

Days numbered, staring into the sun
Silence, blinding, flickering, silence..
Raindrops falling into the deepest of valleys
Never ending, disappearing, hazy, silence..
Forgetting eternity, drenched in fret, into hiding
Drowning cries, blending into backgrounds
Glistening, blurry, ever so present but invisible
Near, but lonely, a shout, flickering, silence..
A drop of salt and water hit the ground..
Eyes stinging, numb, struggled breathing, screaming
Blurred, tears cascading, "Where am I," thoughts conflicting
"Where's my escape," cold shoulders
Heat rising, "how did I get here"
Fear brewing, lips purse, teeth clattering
Eyes bulge then blink rapidly, deep breaths
Words unspoken, holding tongues, fists clench
And eyes get red, skin hot, delirious
Streams trickle down mounds
Glssy reflections appear then eyes shut
Utter blackness and falling
Falling down into a black pit
A pit that has no bottom


Last stanza (a different take)(optional)
A piercing alarm sounds as she greets me
A smile instead of offering an explanation
As I realize that it was never real

My skin is raw
My flesh is burning
It's my own
Secret that the world is kept from
And when I heal
They wouldn't know the difference
Because summer is coming
And winter is almost gone
Like you yourself
But it will always be icy
Here in my heart
I never suspected I'd do it for you

12-14-12

What makes us think the way we do?
Why do we care about certain things?
Why do our hearts break?
Why do we trick outselves into being stronger?
Why don't we stop?
Why don't we slow down?
Why do we ignore wet faces?
Why do we pretend we're ignorant?
Why do we rush past others?
Why do we hurry past humans?
Why do we walk past ourselves?

My eyes try to open
But the sun is too bright

I don't want to cry
So I close my eyes

I try to keep it in
To show that I'm strong

It's so hard sometimes
So I squeeze them shut

I open them again
When I hear laughter

I wish I could go outside

But is is too dificult for me

If I could just smile..

But I feel pain
I feel remorse

I feel weak and little

I don't want to time-travel
So I block the images out

I close my eyes

I force them to **shut

12-14-12

I was in the tree
Not because I wanted to be a bird
I just wanted to be me
And that's who I was
If I wanted to be a bird
I would be with the others
Not alone, up in a bare tree

She has to clap
To hide her shaking

She has to clench her jaw
To keep her voice from trembling

She has to close her eyes
To keep the room from spinning

She has to grip the wall
To keep herself from moving

She has to bite her tongue
To keep herself from stumbling

She has to blink
To keep from tearing

But most of all
And day by day,
She has to crawl
To keep herself from falling

8-30-13

All I see is green
Oak lively green leaves
But in my mind
It's the other green
No, not money
But my escape
The feeling of numbness
The green I have come to love
But no, it's not that green
It's still just the useless green
The green of Mother Nature
Oak brown colored leaves
In my mind's eye
Just oak leaves
I'd rather just stomp on
Let them cover the many avenues
But they are hanging up
Like ornaments on a tree
Tricking me into believing
They have some sort of worth
Some magic
But no,
Just...oak...leaves
All around
Rotting but living

Sitting out amongst the black sky
Gray smoke swirling like vipers
Their tongues like veins and roots of trees
Every one reaching the dangerous ocean his own way
Hitting the roof and disappearing
Disappearing in the black eternity
The black hole of hope
As well as the drain of dreams
Some of them fly past the roof
Trying to reach farther into the darkness
Into something that doesn't make sense
My ashes just hit the floor
That was my escape
When did it stop being slow motion?

They felt cold against the warm
Water droplets that bled
Down the curves of her body
And into the deep creases
She had marked into herself
Like tattoos acting as record logs
The number of times
She felt she was worthless
The times she had wanted to disappear
Into those ****** trenches
Each tear hurt her more
Than the one before

2-19-12

Bright glares hitting your skin
Smooth and caramel
Made me think of the beach
And how easy it was to give in

8-28-13

Cloudy night
Making my own clouds
I put it down
Making my own winds
Tornadoes turning into mushrooms
They remind me of Hiroshima
My hands go through the metal nets
Why am I here?
No breeze
Just the slight murmer of stories untold
I'm alone in my own thoughts
Remembering the pain I went through
Wanting to get up
Wanting to leave
But I'm surrounded by black lines
Lines made of steel
Too close together
So, here I wait
In my own little world
Half-listening to stories
That will never make it out of here
Stories that no one else will ever here