1-14-13

Lights touched every corner of the place
Colors danced around
I tried to breathe but it was too much

Nature was a symphony before me
It screamed its name, wanting to make itself known
But I didn't hear it

I loved clear skies
I let them know they were worthy of adoration
They were something I could relate to

They enclosed our world
But were completely empty and unreachable

The skies seemed unreal
Did they know I was there?
I knew the world didn't

We needed the skies to live
I still didn't know my purpose
I found myself separated that day from my only friend
As I stood intimidated by its new skin

I wished that I could kiss the sky
Maybe it could be my lady luck, my Budda
But it was impossible...it being unreachable

How could nothingness turn into a butterfly?
And then, as it fluttered all around
I tried mimicking my new found interest

I never got bored of the pretty patterns
The way it gracefully moved
And then, I blinked, because it was gone

I was dead
How long had I been still?
My eyes were fixed on some point

Was it where the pefect creature had been seen last?
My marker read "Eros"
And I didn't remember anything about my life

My eyes were still watching the silent ripples
I was gasping for air, looking at my torn wings

Rain poured out of the heavens
At first, I braced myself for the cold, but changed my mind
I'd rather feel numb
I was blinded while warm drops fell on me
I was covered all over
But I kept sinking into the blackness

Pathos fell from above
The heavens were crying
I flickered my eyes open to watch the one who had always been watching out for me
And the earth remained silent as I entered hell

Days numbered, staring into the sun
Silence, blinding, flickering, silence..
Raindrops falling into the deepest of valleys
Never ending, disappearing, hazy, silence..
Forgetting eternity, drenched in fret, into hiding
Drowning cries, blending into backgrounds
Glistening, blurry, ever so present but invisible
Near, but lonely, a shout, flickering, silence..
A drop of salt and water hit the ground..
Eyes stinging, numb, struggled breathing, screaming
Blurred, tears cascading, "Where am I," thoughts conflicting
"Where's my escape," cold shoulders
Heat rising, "how did I get here"
Fear brewing, lips purse, teeth clattering
Eyes bulge then blink rapidly, deep breaths
Words unspoken, holding tongues, fists clench
And eyes get red, skin hot, delirious
Streams trickle down mounds
Glssy reflections appear then eyes shut
Utter blackness and falling
Falling down into a black pit
A pit that has no bottom


Last stanza (a different take)(optional)
A piercing alarm sounds as she greets me
A smile instead of offering an explanation
As I realize that it was never real

8/31/12

What makes thoughts scatter
Exhiliration normal
Hearts tender
& eyes sparkle?

What makes pain invisible
Tears incapable
The soul warm
And lips into crescents

What makes voices inaudible
Everyday scenes art
Nature a fantasy
And life made for us?

A term widely used but
rarely understood
More rare than the largest-cut diamonds
Or most unique-colored pearl
Something thought to be seen, but unseen
Like fine grains of sand being blown into the wind
On a constant journey but never disappearing
Existing quite profoundly but hidden
Beauty in simplicity, a flower in the rain
Greater than looking into the night sky
It's breathless like looking into the ocean of stars
If only swimming in the lights were possible
Like they light up the night with their splendor
Stars transforming the dark into day
Love is very real, stealing death and transforming it
Into beautiful magic
That being life..hope

11/15/12

Disillusioned
My eyes want to bleed tears
Tears that haven't been able to form
Until this moment or at least soon..
When the flower is dried,
All she wants is to be alive once more
But, once, the rain pours and pours for days,
Cries can be heard all around
No longer about life but death
No longer thankful but reluctant
And the unimaginable..
The rejection of nature..Like me being rejected
Beautiful, but rejected
Laughing but it's different
It's like when you're in the middle of laughing
But all of a sudden, you feel like you've been slapped
Drowning..stop

Note: I wrote this sometime in the middle of June.

Silver, grey, slate, metallic, pink, tan, yellow,
Lime green; they were all the same..
As a door opened, a church bell rang
Another color flashed
Stop it? Stop it. Blue. Sky blue...
The full moon seen out a square
Open window with no pane..
No nothing.. naked, just naked..
Dark blue..
Beauty in it's obscenity

Chilly, dark nights and falling leaves
Pouring rain and humid, hot nights
Pitch black nights, busy streets and vivid lights
Salt-scented air, roaring waves and sandy beaches
Cloudy, quiet days and gray skies
Windy atmospheres, fresh air, and swaying tees
Cold mornings start early, at dawn
White, snowy paths with only your pair of footprints in a hidden, white-covered world
Those times where you seem invisible in an overly-crowded place, but instead you're the one everyone sees
Staring past people's stares and unintentionally into others' eyes
Waiting, exhausted, trying to stay awake, anything but yawn
Seeing two, screaming inside that it's not fair
Covering my face with my hands, refusing to look, saying they're so lucky
Always on my mind, and seeing 2, feeling mocked
Everywhere I go, I want to scream louder
Heart aches, I only want to see one 2
Wondering, but not far enough
Obliged to seem happy, but inside, it's killing
They say the ones that care most about you is your family
I don't want that to be true
No one knows that I'm always fighting
The absense is destroying
No one can take another's place
Laying down in my cold room, cars pass by, illuminating, and then, creating shadows
Writing, just letters on a page, trying to find recognition

Away, in a dream
Close, in reality
When you wake
You come to find
That you were close
All along

10/31/12

Love, a distant idea
Some think it's happiness
Some, pain
Some, a nusiance
But love is a sacrifice
Not all magical
But a beautiful painting of compassion

11/7/12

Swaying back and forth
Trees almost dance as they greet one another
And then, millions of leaves rustle
Trying to tell me that they haven't forgotten me
Sounding like a waterfall
These great trees could be waterfalls in another world
One where not one sould has seen water
And the gold, red and orange find their way towards me
Loveletter after loveletter transcending to me

One, at least, disappeared everyday
Just a mere glance to believe that they
Wanted help; what did they have suitable for pay?
Continued shouting the words: survival, death and decay

Silent, watchful, motionless like cold solid gnomes
They started separating from their cozy home-sweet-homes
No longer attached to their structured, functional-like combs
Serious, morbid; ordered to stop their free jolly roams

The edge of a definite cliff
The matter of death close
A breeze, a tilt could cause just the right shift
When would be the last dose?


Foliage hardening
Pigments darkening
No angels harkening

Everything was changing thanks to the king with the gold hand
Death touching Mother Nature and all in its way
Deliberately ignoring last moments of the final stand
Life was progressively, slowly eroding away

Afraid of speaking out more, Nature still had no say
“Be gone!” They screamed but help, none had they

Like a November day but all year round
Protested but doubted they had a case not sound
Gold piercing breath and hope being seared
Layers of black leaves and moisture adhered

Foliage hardening
Pigments darkening
No angels harkening

Ignored, but now gone, a sudden sadness fell
A spirit clashed with death for an old story to tell

A legend of life, fruitful and green
Neglected, and now, no hint of such scene


Still no ounce of life, or hope in sight
The world reached its height and lost it in a night


Foliage hardening
Pigments darkening
No angels harkening

A fear of not remembering what used to be
Blossoms and candy-colored trees
Birds chirping and honey-gathering bees
And out on the coasts, blue, swaying luscious seas

Taken for granted, but not enjoyed until over
Everyone was sad, doleful, and sober
Because of what used to be
Now, all that was left, was just one memory

8-27-11
Note: (Not meant to confuse but--) I realized that I had been questioning, but what I did not know was that it was only the beginning. I think this is rather prose.


It was so windy outside
I stood there
Taking in all the sights around me
I couldn't absorb anything
I continued to stand there
I could not memorize the scene it seemed
This is all I knew
For most of my life, I became bored with everyday scenes
Tonight, I couldn't get enough
It had been forever since it felt so good
It was not hot nor cold
It was perfect to think about things
I hated how I was always thinking
However, in atmospheres like this weren't the same
It was like my problems went away
I had found comfort and clarity
I saw the streetlamps and the shadows
The trees were swaying
Everything seems to be alive
Everything was moving in a rythmic movement
I stood there, paralyzed , the only one that remained unchanged
Something seemed completely different
It felt almost foreign
The atmosphere had changed
I don't know what it was
I knew there was something
What was I doing alone?
I saw the deep blue, almost indigo spacious eternity
The stars glimmered brightly
And all I saw was your face

11/4/12

Almond-shaped foilage cover the earth
Fortresses of breath-taking branches and limbs
Bark richly-colored by silver and white
All around, pigments of gold and burgandy surround
And up above, a blanket of white
Like a canopy
A pause present in order to reflect
And all I can say is nothing, nothing at all

11/5/12

Staying silent
Barely breathing the crisp air
In the night
Not a soul in sight.. No one to see my pain
Streetlamps flicker
Looking at them then away
To take everything in
While outside, in the fresh air
Outside the confinements of conservative opinions
Out in the world
On the porch
It's as real as it gets
My thoughts and myself
Someone could be watching but no one was
Wondering what is time
Staring past the lights, into the black
Turning my eyes away to try not to cry
To not let the lights smile brightly as my lips quiver
To not be exposed
To not let the world steal my soul
To not let anyone hear what troubles turn someone into
To stop the world from laughing

9/26/12
Note: I don't title a lot of my poems.
I think it takes away the effect..
  

They saw me before I saw them

There were many of them

Thousands and thousands of butterflies

They watched me as I lay in the grass

They seemed so free

So light, so beautiful

I wanted to be like them

But I was in the grass

Bound to the earth

They, loose, in the air

I couldn't get up, I know, because I kept dreaming

Staring at the vivid colors blending together like a painting

I dreamed that I was in that painting

But it didn't change anything

It just made me realize something

That I wasn't amongst them

I wasn't free

11/6/12


I look left and see a pale pink sky

Right, no longer a gray sky but a blue

If we had to pick which one we were

Everyone would rush to say pink

I'd pick the other..

Not because that's me, but because it's..

The one that stays the same

The one that gives me hope

The one that gives me strength to live

For me to be able to move on breathing steadily

Walking in a sense

But literally, crawling..

9/26/12


Blots of crimson cloud

Waterfalls,splashing the surface

One by one

All of them fell

Dripping unto the stone cold floors

One intertwining with the other,making swirls

Making its lazy journey across the once-spotless squares

Streams of faint red following the way the grain went

Guilt chased innocence until it hid from sight

Red rained on guilt and then,a quietness formed

A quietness that even made innocence sick

10/24


When I climbed, it got harder

As I saw the water cascading, the more I wanted to let go

As the tension peaked and my vision got grainy

The pressure to be like the trickling water increased

To fall and let down my guard

To just be free

But I couldn't accept defeat nor freedom

I could only hope for triumph

Freedom was selfish and defeat would ruin me

It would be the end of me

I was at the hardest part of my journey

But I was, also, almost to the top of Mt. Everest

11/6/12


Sleep takes over you

Warped versions of your life appear

It's been 9 or 10 hours

Why can't I wake?

Why am I still dreaming?

It's ok. I've been teckking on this journey

I should be tired

I must be

I keep turning because I'm cold

Because I slept in my clothes

The light outside gently wakes me up

My lids unveil

I check the time

It says 7 something, maybe 7:50

I dance around the house to not disturb anyone else from their journies

Hazily, I try focusing my vision, looking for something

Looking for something recognizable

I subtly walk across the first round of tiles

The clock says 6:59

I quickly go outside in order to meet the painter

Maybe He just started

I open my exit to outside

Cold and damp roads meet me

Rain or shine, I could use the fresh air

But the cold reminds me of the night

The night where I passed through the greatest desert

The grains flying in my face and blinding me

When it was hard to take even one step

When my circumstances told me that they were so great, it's best to fade away

To fade away with the wind

Into the red grains

To cover me from others

To let the desert bring them in like they once did me

To gleam in their eyes but to cover the outcome of choices

But I didn't go with the wind

Instead I was like the wind

Going everywhere but not having a specific place to call home

To use as my shelter from the world

Or from it all

Should I go back to my journies

Befriending them would mean I had somewhere to go

But I didn't want to be praised as an Olympian who crossed that desert and swam that ocean..

I wanted to be myself

I wanted to hide..

I didn't want to exist to the world

-ro

5/31/12

Enclosed, separated from the outside world
Watching scenes from behind a window pane
Defeated, trapped in a different world
Becoming unconscious of existence but still sane
Motionless, lifeless until another inhale is felt
Nothing to keep its company except a black curtain
No freedom nor independence, reaching for an escape
Swallowing every bit of criticism, negativity and disapproval
Lenses begin to blur as black clay runs down cliffs
Sudden bursts of red appear, exhaling as energy is absorbed
For once, it feels like everything will be okay

I wrote this on 10-27-12 and I wrote 2 versions of the poem.. I didn't know which one was better..Tell me what you think guys .. Also on the first version I was wondering if I should add a last line which would be "Last night's chaos" however I think it might take away the effect? or maybe it sounds more like a song sort of thing if I add it? But it's a great style..I mean repetition, you know? Feel free to comment ..It would be greatly appreciated

#1 (Original verson)


Clearly irregular
Jagged triangles
Piercing pain
Needles pinching flesh
Drowning the shards
Flowing red
Transcending across them to the door
It was from last night
Last night's chaos
The door, the only escape from this mess
And all this will be forgotten
As I shove the door ajar,
My eyes blur as I see your hand
And we're back to last night


Version #2

All of them forming an icy floor
Clearly irregular jagged traiangles
Piercing pain as needles pinch flesh
Flowing red curtains drown the shards
Transcending across them to the door
It was from last night's chaos
The door, the only escape from this mess
And all this will be forgotten
Every step an act of strength
Forcing my eyes to stare down the door
To force it open and As I meet my new life
As I shove the door ajar
My heart stops and I hear the glass shattering again
My eyes blur in a split-second as I see your hand
And we're back to that night
We're back to last night

waves, full of life
running alongside you
back and forth, restless
tides acting like fingers
wiping away the salt
from the corners of your eyes
telling you that life never stops
doesn't stand still, even for you