Everytime I pick up my phone
My eyes blur
Because just a click away
I can go back to those messages

It's happening all over again
How you cut me deeper
Than any cut I did to myself
To try to forget the pain

The pain you caused me
Before you even said those things
But now,
It's like you cut me off life support

And at the end of the day
The hospital is where I'll end

They felt cold against the warm
Water droplets that bled
Down the curves of her body
And into the deep creases
She had marked into herself
Like tattoos acting as record logs
The number of times
She felt she was worthless
The times she had wanted to disappear
Into those ****** trenches
Each tear hurt her more
Than the one before

My skin is raw
My flesh is burning
It's my own
Secret that the world is kept from
And when I heal
They wouldn't know the difference
Because summer is coming
And winter is almost gone
Like you yourself
But it will always be icy
Here in my heart
I never suspected I'd do it for you

3-6-13

Prose..?
------------------------------------------------­-----------------------------------------------------

As I stared past a man who walked by,
I wondered if anything is ever meant to be;
Why people are always leaving.

I shifted in the chair as I looked
At the clock
On the far back wall.

I thumbed through the pages of the book
I carried in my hands
I had no intention of ever reading.

I wondered why my life had no meaning
As I peeled off the skin
That was around my chipped nails.

I let out a small sigh
As I straightened
My hurting back.

I crossed my legs
And pushed aside my mangled thoughts
And closed my eyes
And inhaled slowly.
"In another life"

3-6-13
This is more like prose...
--------------------------------------------------------­-------------------------------------------------------------

Ro­lling the ballpoint pen between my fingers
Careful not to drop it
But there it goes again
As I'm far away in my own thoughts

My only escape
But I never picked it up again
Because he told me to throw it away
I would have picked it up again
My treasure, my everything

I became consumed and I hadn't noticed it was laying on the floor
For years
My thoughts were no longer my own
And the house was put up for sale

He died and I wept for months
I had nothing from him
I dreamed of the past..

I bought the house
Full of memories
Of when I spent every waking moment
Smelling the beautiful hardwood floors
And the fresh honeysuckles I'd taste in the spring
And my dad's musky scent.
It was all there.

I saw an ordinary pen on the floor
Then, I saw its faint designs.
And suddenly regretted forgetting to pick it up

It was the part of me that made me one of a kind
Like the design on it that made it different than any other pens
I laid eyes on.

I instantly felt lonely again
And wondered why he left so early.

3-6-13

Here, alone
Outside, danger lurking
Inside, safe but uncomfortable
There, not understood
And alone.

Tension on both ends
Pressure the outcome of both decisions
Like a seesaw
Never steady
Only shaking
Like a tealight
Flickering amongst the darkness
One more huff
and I'm nonexistent
Blending into the darkness

11-22-12
Prose?
-------------------------------------------------­-----------------------------------------------------------------­----

Running water
Covering myself
Holding myself
Tighter
Maybe I can forget everything this way
Just maybe I can move past everything
Submerging into the one place I might be able to forget
I can barely hear you now
Your accusations, insults, anything about me
At least with this, I can feel something
Something to get my mind off your bickering
I don't want to argue
That's why I block you out
It's euphoria, but then, I forget I can't stay underwater for so long
But having that option makes me feel good
It's like all I have to do is push a button
Who are you?
You're just a small frequency out there somewhere
Now, I can relax again
Just blocking all my surroundings makes me believe
To believe that I can be free