12-14-12

I was in the tree
Not because I wanted to be a bird
I just wanted to be me
And that's who I was
If I wanted to be a bird
I would be with the others
Not alone, up in a bare tree

1-14-13

Lights touched every corner of the place
Colors danced around
I tried to breathe but it was too much

Nature was a symphony before me
It screamed its name, wanting to make itself known
But I didn't hear it

I loved clear skies
I let them know they were worthy of adoration
They were something I could relate to

They enclosed our world
But were completely empty and unreachable

The skies seemed unreal
Did they know I was there?
I knew the world didn't

We needed the skies to live
I still didn't know my purpose
I found myself separated that day from my only friend
As I stood intimidated by its new skin

I wished that I could kiss the sky
Maybe it could be my lady luck, my Budda
But it was impossible...it being unreachable

How could nothingness turn into a butterfly?
And then, as it fluttered all around
I tried mimicking my new found interest

I never got bored of the pretty patterns
The way it gracefully moved
And then, I blinked, because it was gone

I was dead
How long had I been still?
My eyes were fixed on some point

Was it where the pefect creature had been seen last?
My marker read "Eros"
And I didn't remember anything about my life

My eyes were still watching the silent ripples
I was gasping for air, looking at my torn wings

Rain poured out of the heavens
At first, I braced myself for the cold, but changed my mind
I'd rather feel numb
I was blinded while warm drops fell on me
I was covered all over
But I kept sinking into the blackness

Pathos fell from above
The heavens were crying
I flickered my eyes open to watch the one who had always been watching out for me
And the earth remained silent as I entered hell

Days numbered, staring into the sun
Silence, blinding, flickering, silence..
Raindrops falling into the deepest of valleys
Never ending, disappearing, hazy, silence..
Forgetting eternity, drenched in fret, into hiding
Drowning cries, blending into backgrounds
Glistening, blurry, ever so present but invisible
Near, but lonely, a shout, flickering, silence..
A drop of salt and water hit the ground..
Eyes stinging, numb, struggled breathing, screaming
Blurred, tears cascading, "Where am I," thoughts conflicting
"Where's my escape," cold shoulders
Heat rising, "how did I get here"
Fear brewing, lips purse, teeth clattering
Eyes bulge then blink rapidly, deep breaths
Words unspoken, holding tongues, fists clench
And eyes get red, skin hot, delirious
Streams trickle down mounds
Glssy reflections appear then eyes shut
Utter blackness and falling
Falling down into a black pit
A pit that has no bottom


Last stanza (a different take)(optional)
A piercing alarm sounds as she greets me
A smile instead of offering an explanation
As I realize that it was never real

8/31/12

What makes thoughts scatter
Exhiliration normal
Hearts tender
& eyes sparkle?

What makes pain invisible
Tears incapable
The soul warm
And lips into crescents

What makes voices inaudible
Everyday scenes art
Nature a fantasy
And life made for us?

A term widely used but
rarely understood
More rare than the largest-cut diamonds
Or most unique-colored pearl
Something thought to be seen, but unseen
Like fine grains of sand being blown into the wind
On a constant journey but never disappearing
Existing quite profoundly but hidden
Beauty in simplicity, a flower in the rain
Greater than looking into the night sky
It's breathless like looking into the ocean of stars
If only swimming in the lights were possible
Like they light up the night with their splendor
Stars transforming the dark into day
Love is very real, stealing death and transforming it
Into beautiful magic
That being life..hope

11/15/12

Disillusioned
My eyes want to bleed tears
Tears that haven't been able to form
Until this moment or at least soon..
When the flower is dried,
All she wants is to be alive once more
But, once, the rain pours and pours for days,
Cries can be heard all around
No longer about life but death
No longer thankful but reluctant
And the unimaginable..
The rejection of nature..Like me being rejected
Beautiful, but rejected
Laughing but it's different
It's like when you're in the middle of laughing
But all of a sudden, you feel like you've been slapped
Drowning..stop

Note: I wrote this sometime in the middle of June.

Silver, grey, slate, metallic, pink, tan, yellow,
Lime green; they were all the same..
As a door opened, a church bell rang
Another color flashed
Stop it? Stop it. Blue. Sky blue...
The full moon seen out a square
Open window with no pane..
No nothing.. naked, just naked..
Dark blue..
Beauty in it's obscenity

Chilly, dark nights and falling leaves
Pouring rain and humid, hot nights
Pitch black nights, busy streets and vivid lights
Salt-scented air, roaring waves and sandy beaches
Cloudy, quiet days and gray skies
Windy atmospheres, fresh air, and swaying tees
Cold mornings start early, at dawn
White, snowy paths with only your pair of footprints in a hidden, white-covered world
Those times where you seem invisible in an overly-crowded place, but instead you're the one everyone sees
Staring past people's stares and unintentionally into others' eyes
Waiting, exhausted, trying to stay awake, anything but yawn
Seeing two, screaming inside that it's not fair
Covering my face with my hands, refusing to look, saying they're so lucky
Always on my mind, and seeing 2, feeling mocked
Everywhere I go, I want to scream louder
Heart aches, I only want to see one 2
Wondering, but not far enough
Obliged to seem happy, but inside, it's killing
They say the ones that care most about you is your family
I don't want that to be true
No one knows that I'm always fighting
The absense is destroying
No one can take another's place
Laying down in my cold room, cars pass by, illuminating, and then, creating shadows
Writing, just letters on a page, trying to find recognition