When I was young
I promised myself
To never turn into the monsters
I saw on the glowing screen

But years pass by
And the promises we've
Made ourselves fade away
And we roll around in our broken dreams

We bathe in sadness
In guilt and shame
We swallow lies society feeds us
How we should behave

Perfect lips and ribs poking
A thigh gap and straight teeth
Tall and lean
Tan with no blemishes

These are the ingredients
For a perfect body to fit
Right into society
And to be happy

The promises had
Nearly slipped through the
Cracks in this fragile thing
We've named 'life'

I've forgotten my own
Oaths I've made
I'm sorry younger me
You would be proud

When I was younger
If I was shown what my future would be
Maybe I would have tried to change
Or slit my wrists to prevent the inevitable

But this is my life now
This is what I've become
I don't like what I see
I'm not having any fun

Alone at home
The house is a symphony of day-sounds,
And wants me gone.
Scattered toys express sullen resentment at my pyjama'd presence,
The cats just stare.
I force my working self upon this world,
With keyboard clacks,
The kettle,
And boiling pasta.
I try a hum, then Spotify,
But it all feels alien, too forced.
The house wants the others;
Shrieking, laughing, conversation,
Clashing plates,
A Disney movie
The warmth of family.
This house
wants to be a home.

I want you to cradle my heart in your hands,
Gently, oh so gently,
But you only want to fumble with my *******.
Both are too precious
For your clumsy, greedy kneading.

Needing…Needing…
Bleeding…Bleeding…

You only ever wanted
The outside
You disregard
The love that lies within.

I call myself a rhymeslut
Proudly.
A poetic coquette,
I deal in grimy slimy rhymes.
Here I am,
Covered
Smothered
In all these words
I love it.
Write a poem
Shove it
in my face
This rhymeslut
Will take the full load.

You are a snake, with many layers.
I would peel them all away,
Discarding, one by one,
Revealing smarting, pinkened skin.
Shocked pores gulp alien air
Stinging, then relief,
At being vulnerable, and bare.
In some other ago, before you betrayed me,
You flayed me,
Left me tender, raw, aching, sore,
Trembling, flinching at the kiss of the breeze,
The warmth of your breath,
But you are still resistant, unwilling to shed.
I’ll rip away those doubtskins,
Grip you, tear apart hesitation,
I need you naked, soul and body bare,
I have to know you’re really there.

Baby watered her bears
And fell asleep in a sodden heap
Dreaming, no doubt,
Of a world where watered teddies grow
Like flowers, throw
Their paws to the sky,
Fur unfolding like petals,
Chummy grins becoming monstrous,
Button eyes like black holes,
Threatening to gobble her up.
She woke screaming at 3am
I replaced the wet with dry,
Soothed with cuddles,
Changed the scary dripping bears
For dry dollies.
Now she's sleeping soundly,
Hairy scary bears, downstairs
Waiting to be be tumbled,
Wanting to be dry.

I hope you dream about me
all the time
And I hope the dreams are desperate, despairing and I
hope, I hope
That you wake, damp and dishevelled
in disarray
I hope that you have no explanations
not for her, not for her
No glib lie to cover your trembling, your pallor, your distress.
I hope you dream about me
Every single night
And that the light brings you no comfort
And the dreams give no relief.