On the first day of the year
I woke up on the wrong side of the bed
This year
Nothing changed
And yet everything changed
The bad obscured the good
Completely.

Governed by disorders
Trials galored
Tribulations were scarce
Shredding me were my emotions
As I ricocheted between mood swings
I took permanent residence in the doldrums
Walked on the razor’s edge
Sank deeper
The chasm is endless

Tripped by sorrow
I fell on my ****
Staggering, I rose
Fell then rose again
Only to be handed
Another ******* pill

Sempiternal thirst
For internal calmness
Remains unquenched

Refusing to take anything
Away from myself
Veering off the pessimism lane
Allowing the optimism
To settle in my blood
I feel compelled to admit
Irregardless of the turmoil
This has been a year of
Milestones
Transformations
Achievements
Realisations
And fractional clarity
On the blinding forest that is life

I shedded my second skin
As I went along
Not completely renewed
Almost...
Or not at all
I don’t know

I grew some *****,
As they are essential in life

I blew out the candle
Lit for the one
Who will never be mine
I watched the flame fade away
But the thoughts of him did not

The road ahead is the toughest yet

I am placing the  few good memories
Of the year in a jar
To carry with me
Into the forthcoming new year
These memories, it seems
Are for keeps.

Adorable as she desperately claws her skin off
With fingernails filled with filth
Pus in her wounds
Flies buzz around the crown
Of her royal highness

Skeletons adorned with blood-red roses
Bulge out of an astronomical closet
Lies seep through her coffee stained
Razor sharp teeth
Lies like swords
That gut innards
For the final act
Of her twisted masquerade

Grandma's pearls drenched in blood
Hang loosely around her neck
As she exhibits an acidic disturbance of the mind

And yet they still lick her feet
Those imbeciles.

Mind and body were weary...it was the
Third night of nine anticipated dawn masses...
Most people were yawning,
Fighting the urge to nod and start snoring...
Trying to finish what they started,
To have their petitions granted.

The Reverend read the gospel,
Emphatic, spotlight was on him as he preached
About greetings, prayers and good wishes.
He didn't want to see more sagging heads
Among his audience,
So the Reverend spoke louder,
In high tones, but with a smile,
Aiming for his sermon to reach every ear.
Surprisingly,
The sleepy atmosphere became lively...
Every face turned to a smiley,
Laughing, murmuring about the funny stories
The good Reverend was sharing
During his homily.

Recessional hymn started...
We all rose from the pews.
On my way out,
I bumped into somebody
I had avoided meeting for sometime now...
But there she was, in front of me...
We both stopped, at a loss for words,
With no ****** reactions.
It so happened that
The good Reverend passed us by...
He looked, absorbing emotions...
He bowed his head,
Then turned to me, and smiled...
I sensed the air, the hint.

Without much fuss,
I smiled at the unavoidable someone,
The one with the unwelcome face,
Who brought some unpleasant news
With her usual audacity.
No more turning back,
I was already there, in that part of the evening's drama...
So I held her hand,
And as she hugged me,
I heard myself utter, "Shalom!"
The way the Reverend said it in his sermon.
Why was it not so difficult that moment,
When I used to be so unwilling before?
But...it was over, done.
We went our separate ways...
I could not believe I told her
"Hello!  Goodbye!  Peace!"

Walking home, a thought kept nagging me...
I dwelt on it, for it had happened twice already.
In the church, strange things do happen,
Strange occurrences that lead to
Happy endings.
I recalled the good Reverend...
He didn't usually pass my way...
Why that strange but encouraging, soothing smile
As he passed us...WHY?
Also, I could never forget his homily...
His funny, lively stories
About a greeting, a prayer...
A word that brought good wishes...
A single word that said a lot---
" S H A L O M ! "

  Sally

Copyright 2013
Rosalia Rosario A. bayan