Thank you for making my life worth living again,
Even if it was only temporary
Thank you for making my mornings fun to wake up to
With just a few simple words
Thank you for showing me that I am worthy of compliments
And how to accept them with grace
Thank you for filling my heart with happiness and hope
But NO thanks for letting it all slip away.

Sometimes I think about how hard and fast I fell for you
And it frightens me to say the least
I think of how silly it must have sounded to you when I told you
I loved you before I knew you
I feel like there's a fire in my heart when I recall how it felt
To be held and touched by you
I could so easily go to sleep in your arms
Because that's where I felt safe.
But not anymore, my love…Not anymore.
*I'll eventually get over it, I'm pretty sure.

The colours keep me captive

Hazel,

Popular,
The beauty everyone can see,
Not hidden,
But not apparent,
Relaxed and calm.

Blue,

Compassion and honesty,
Often seen but so remarkable,
Deep and enchanting,
Forever catching your eye,
So deep and pensive
capture me with an uncontrolable desire.

Green,

Astonishing,
Rare and forever thinking,
Smart, cunning and malicious,
Plotting and scheming,
Dragging me into a better world.
Where the Sky meets the sea,
Am I dead? Am I alive?
I see the green flash and I am afraid,
In a good way,
In a bad way,

Red,

The brightness blinds me,
Its like a wildfire,
Everywhere,
There is no escape from it,
Its ferocious but calming,
Your eye cannot be drawn away,
The apocalypse of my being,
burning my ship,
leaving me alone.

But from the ash I shall be born a new. Better. Faster. Stronger. Smarter.

I shall take to the sky.

They have a hold over me. I love it. I hate it. I am afraid of it. I wait for it.



*I can feel your pulse in the pages, you'll live with me through the ages.

Anxiety reverberates through my body. My chest becomes so heavy that it feels as if a cinderblock has been lied down on it. All of my body's involuntary functions pause to listen to the demons that live in the back of my head. The demons announce to my anatomy that I have no worth, no value. The demons mock my lungs, "Why work so hard to keep her breathing when nobody on earth wants her alive." My body receives the criticisms and obeys the demon's demands. My lungs quit. I cannot breath. My mouth quits. I cannot speak, the only sounds escaping are soft screams. My ears quit. I hear nothing, besides the demons. My stomach quits. It tries to commit suicide by consuming itself causing me to curl into a ball in severe agony. My eyes try to fight off the negativity. They push the negativity out through tears, but it isn't enough. They look myself over in the mirror, trying to find some value. My eyes explore my entire body, searching desperately for something beautiful, something worth fighting for. They find nothing, but disappointment. My hands fight too. They find a blade and slide it across my wrist, a demon escapes me through the tear in my skin. My body feels a slight relief, but soon a different demon rekindles my self disgust. I let the blade dance across my body, over and over again, feeling slight relief each time. Eventually my entire body is bleeding and I am still only slighting relieved of my pain. My eyes work with my hands on the search to find a place to help the demons to escape. There is no place on my body left, that I could use to release my demons. My crying has stopped and enough demons have left my system to breath comfortably. I put the blade away, and slip into bed, my entire body aching. The physical pain is much easier to handle than the physical and emotional torture the demons would have caused. I lay in bed, trying to be as still as possible to avoid agitating my wounds. I cry to myself silently, because I know I'm going to have to rip myself open again tomorrow night. I feel numb enough to eventually to fall into a slumber. Will I spend the rest of my life rereleasing the same demons over and over again, just to feel unsatisfied and numb? Are my demons right? Is my life worthless? Especially considering I'm at my best either when I'm unconscious or when I'm numb? I am so tired of being numb. Agonizing numbness.

I said, "I hate how I open-mouth
breathe when I sleep, pretty girls
sleep with mouths closed." and
you replied that the way I slept
melted you down to your core.