at Graveyard 659
the ghosts are floating in a meeting

“Someone ought to put up a
wall round our graveyard,”
opines one wise bearded ghost

“And why?” asks the Chair

“Why?” screams the reply
*“Can’t you see what's up
with those mortals? -
there's such huge demand
everyone’s just dying to get in...”

And Mr and Mrs Ghost are at the restaurant -
Our *****-ghetti Place -
the one at the dead end,
and that plays their
favorite soul music

"How would you like your drink, ma’am?"
asks the Head Waiter,
who, for obvious reasons,
is just a floating head

"I’ll have my drink ice ghoul, screech you,"
says Mrs Ghost
"And as usual, Mr Ghost would like his
eggs terri-fried, please"

"Also," says Mr Ghost, "I’ll have coffin after"
"Scream or sugar?" asks the floating head
"6 spoons of scream,  screech you"
"And same for you too, ma’am?"
And Mrs Ghost  replies:
*"No…Booberry Ice Scream, please"

This, children, is our dinning room
(Humans, as you know, have dining rooms
which are such dreary and un-lively rooms
to which we can add zest,
flavour and excitement
with a few clamorous apparitions) -
but this, as I was saying, is our dinning room
which is where you learn to howl and scream
so your performance at human dining rooms
will simply be tummy-turning
You see, you want to make humans feel
like they are sprouts in a Chinese stir-fry -
now, kids - *howl and scream!

my wife’s always late
so I wailed: “Hurry up, dear
or it'll be light...
You know, the early ghost
catches the faint-hearted”

“Hang on,” she howled
(I’d died on the rope, you see)
“just my finishing touches
with my mas-scare
and a bit more of my scare spray”
and then she floated out
into the dying room
(we don’t have living rooms, you understand)
looking just *boo-tiful

My sister wants to marry
a ghost – I just can’t work out
what’s possessed her

And my elder sister
she wants to marry Dracula –
now, what I’d like to know is what bit her

And as for myself,
I’d like to marry a zombie –
and listen, I’m dead serious about that

But most astonishing is my eldest sister -
she wants to marry a man
And the long and short of it is,
the family just can’t work out
*what’s got into her

ghosts believe people exist
like people believe God exists
like God believes people exist
like people believe ghosts exist
like ghosts believe people exist

it seems man says
(thanks to Descartes):
I think, therefore I am

it seems God says:
*Man thinks I am
therefore I am