got myself a donkey yesterday

got myself a donkey yesterday

and tethered it out there in the yard;

but when I looked out the window

I noticed
it looked glum, moody and testy

so I went out to see what I could do
I tickled my donkey 

and he cackled and laughed a lot

and he hee-hawed aloud -

but yeah, you can bet your ****

I got the bigger kick out of it


my donkey died

You remember the donkey

I bought some time ago? 

Well, I stopped feeding it for a week

and the stupid animal died 

just as it was finally learning to survive

on clean air, positive thoughts and vibes


that's a donkey on the table

so my donkey died

and in my grief I lay it on the best table

and I drank and drank



and people who came to mourn

brought some hay

but some of them said, after two days

(and I was still drinking-mourning):

"You can't just leave that lyin' on the table

"


"That's not a lion, you idiot!
"
I barked at each one of them
"That's my donkey on the table!
"
And so I'd demonstrated my ability

to stay sober

and retain my ****-picuity

in spite of days of grief

and like me I am sure you too

cannot but marvel at people's inability

to distinguish between a lion and a donkey


donkey ride

now that my donkey is dead

it makes me reminisce

about the good times we had

____



We were in the car

my donkey and I 

as I took it for a weekend ride

which was my habit



And a traffic cop stopped us 

and he said:

“Hey, what you doing 

with a donkey in the car?

Take it to the zoo”

*

The next weekend that same cop

stopped us

and he asked me:

“Still with that donkey?

I thought I told you to take it

to the zoo"



“Oh, I did,”* I replied

“and we enjoyed it so much

That was an excellent idea, thank you

Now we’re going to the beach”



donkey at the cinema*

the other time 

my donkey insisted

I take it to the cinema

and so I did - 
not that I got a kick out of it

but just so that I *didn't get a kick



anyways 

we were watching the movie

when the guy seated next to donkey

said: "Hey, you're a donkey. 

What 'r' you doing in the cinema? "

*


And donkey replied:

" I reviewed the book;

now I'm here to review the movie"

the other time
my donkey insisted
I take it to the cinema
and so I did -
not that I got a kick out of it
but just so that I didn't get a kick

anyways
we were watching the movie
when the guy seated next to donkey
said: "Hey, you're a donkey.
What 'r' you doing in the cinema? "

And donkey replied:
*" I reviewed the book;
now I'm here to review the movie"

now that my donkey is dead
it makes me reminisce
about the good times we had*
________

We were in the car
my donkey and I
as I took it for a weekend ride
which was my habit

And a traffic cop stopped us
and he said:
“Hey, what you doing
with a donkey in the car?
Take it to the zoo”

The next weekend that same cop
stopped us
and he asked me:
“Still with that donkey?
I thought I told you to take it
to the zoo"

“Oh, I did,” I replied
*“and we enjoyed it so much
That was an excellent idea, thank you
Now we’re going to the beach”

so my donkey died
and in my grief I lay it on the best table
and I drank and drank

and people who came to mourn
brought some hay
but some of them said, after two days
(and I was still drinking-mourning):
You can't just leave that lyin' on the table

That's not a lion, you idiot!
I retorted to each one of them
That's my donkey on the table!
And so I'd demonstrated my ability
to stay sober
and retain my ****-picuity
in spite of days of grief
and like me I am sure you too
cannot but marvel at people's inability
to distinguish between a lion and a donkey

You remember the donkey
I bought some time ago?
Well, I stopped feeding it for a week
and the stupid animal died
just as it was finally learning to survive
on clean air, positive thoughts and vibes

Hey, met any hot chicks lately?
Yeah, that peahen is looking at me,
soon the others will too -
not at you, buddy…Oh yeah.  Get real.

Just wait till I display my train of shimmering colors
and you’ll see the peahens making a beeline for me -
and you’ll have to bury your head
in the ground for shame
like those silly ostriches do…
All males have their self-esteem hurt in my presence, sure;
you’re no exception – don’t feel too bad…you’re just bad…
The last time I displayed my train,
hey - I caused mayhem in the ancient Indian forests
as the peahens went wild…
that’s why they’ve placed a ban on me
in the land
and how I ended up in this reserve
but I’m not the one to worry,
yeah, brother
you’d better step aside
and let me show you how

I call it the Kama Sutra of the Peacock  Gyrations -
learn a bite or a posture and you might
be able to put your gene-stamp
on future generations…
now if you’ll excuse me,
I’ve got a thing or two to do
with these peahens clamoring
for a peck and a neck leading
vigorously to do
the mating dance with me

Anne and I were walking
down in the country
when we saw a lake
and a frog at its edge
“Ladies,” it croaked
“Will one of you give me a kiss? –
I was a fantastic saxophone player
and a country witch turned me
into a green frog”

I knelt down and picked up the frog
and threw him in my pocket
and buttoned up
so the creature couldn’t escape
and I resumed walking

“Sue,” said Anne to me
“Are you nuts?
The frog said it’ll turn
into a fantastic saxophone player -
so why don’t you or I  kiss it?”

“Anne,” I replied,
*“it’s you who's nuts
We’d make more money
with a talking frog anytime
than with a  saxophone dummy”