It’s all in a librarian’s day
surrounded by books
and serving people who pretend
to be book lovers
when they’ve just come in to escape
the heat or the winter cold

Books for Politicians?
Try the Fiction Section
Books on Houdini?
I’m afraid they’ve all disappeared
Books on Camouflage?
They’re in the Computers Section –
of course it makes sense, just think about it
Books on Suicide?* – They’re on the third floor
but be warned: once borrowed, they’re never returned
Just like books on amnesia are usually returned, if ever,
long past due date
Books on Making Money On The Stock Exchange?
We used them all for toilet paper
during the GFC Library Fund Cuts

Recommended titles in Romantic Fiction?
“I’ll Love You Forever” “Faithful All Days”
“My Life Is Yours – Absolutely”  “Love, Yes; ***, No”
“Only You Count” “Guide To A Happy Marriage”

The Classics Section? – That’s where we keep the books
which are most praised, but least read
and most people don’t go past the Contents page
and a decent percentage give up reading forever

Did you find the movie better than the book?
Well, you should never judge a book by its movie

Yeah, thieves never break into libraries
cos they know the judge will give them long sentences

*Oh, thank you for your concern -
I just slipped cos, after all, this is non-friction section

When the apostrophe disappears
from ones verse or prose
its plain to see
theres mayhem, and everyones brain is  muddled
I cant make sense of what youre saying
and the judge cant tell if the farm is
Joes or Marys or Philips
or quite literally the pigs own

And of course when it appear’s
in the wrong place’s, it get’s up
everyone’s nerve’s or nose’s;
and it cause’s an identity crisis
between its and it’s;
and its’ like ****’
(thi’s mess’ is’)–
please, please, please -
running down to one’s toe’s

It’s obvious to see
that the apostrophe -
that comma that hangs in the air -
is worth mastering
or may you hang in its stead

the day we lost A
we all went without apples
and the doctors had a field day

Anna was completely lost
and she sounded like
a mathematical notion
gone wrong;
Ali had an identity crisis –
he wondered if he was Chinese

And horrors – we didn’t have any articles
so you couldn’t say “a pen”
and you could only say “’n oven”

The bills still came in as all days
(don’t you worry about that)
but World Soccer had to be cancelled
as they didn’t have a ball
And the women
they pulled the pants off the men
and laughed:
“Where are your *****? All you’ve got are blls!"

And so the appalling day rolled on
a-less and aimless

but hey, there was one consolation:
there were no arseholes  
leading the nations of the
world that day

Descartes and Isaac Beeckman,
Monsieur de Chandoux
and Jacob Golius
are talking

Monsieur de Chandoux
asks if Descartes will attend his next lecture
and Descartes replies: “I don’t think so”
And Descartes disappears

got myself a donkey yesterday
and tethered it out there in the yard;
but when I looked out the window
I noticed
it looked glum, moody and testy
so I went out to see what I could do
I tickled my donkey
and he cackled and laughed a lot
and he hee-hawed aloud -
but yeah, you can bet your ****
I got the bigger kick out of it

Yeah, dad, I love Math class
cos something is always adding up there

like just the other day
the teacher’s plants at the window
started growing square roots
The teacher reckons that’s cos
“the windows are squares, if you notice” -
but I reckon it’s cos
we’ve mostly got squares in class

And the teacher when she thinks someone
has done something good, she says:
“Oh, you are an angle!”
and when she’s cross she goes:
“I’ve told you n times”
or “I’ve told you n+ 4 times”

Yeah, we learn lots of stuff in Math class
like next week we going to learn
about Algeria;
but I’m not sure if my Math teacher is OK
in the head though
cos one day she tells us
3+2 = 5
and another day she insists
4+1= 5
(is that what you mean
when you say mum can never make up her mind?)
And she tells me not to use my tables
and she scolds me then when I do my division
on the floor

But I’ll say one thing about her though -
she’s so passionate about Math
my teacher is
she carries around a picture
in her wallet
of a big plus sign
with a guy nailed to it

U no, eat sins two mee,
u guise knead
two loose wait
sew hear, aye woosh
two
offal ewe sum add vice

Ewe can star art
**** ditto menation
aunt u knead too exorcise
Moove eat, keep mooving
moove mulch;  doe nut ****
down two mulch, move you’re *****
inn smell poorshuns
Ant walk two da shups
in stayed off you sing da carr

Dee impotent ding
hiss da wheel
four wear they’re’s
a wheel, they’re’s all weighs
a weigh
goad lick
loose wait
anne stain hell tea