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 Nov 2013 rainingdreams
Brianna
With pursed lips stained with cherry red lipstick she stood in front of her mirror and cried a little harder with each breath.
Why can't she be perfect?
Why can't she fall back in love?
Why can't she just ask for help again?
Watching herself in that mirror she saw her reflection... Makeup running down her face, and a cry for help only she saw each day...
Why couldn't she rewind?
Why couldn't she just take it all back?
Why was she so afraid the change and start new?
Today was the day she said with one shaky breath.... Today she would stop the self hatred and the tears.

She stopped asking why.
She stopped trying to rewind.
She stopped trying to be someone she wasn't anymore....
Being lonely
He beats the gong again
The guard of kabiya.

        * kabiya: cabin in which kabi (fire to frighten noxious animals like stags and wild boars) is made in autumn.
tonight let’s take depression out into the night light
dress it up in heels and lipstick so it will be approved
but that night
out in the night light
will result in learning the niche
for fraud

tonight let’s take depression out into the moon light
the bottled poetry laying underneath the soil
I dig for it
to quench depression
for depression is thirsty
in need of relief

tonight let’s take depression into the darkness
here there is nothing for her to hide her naked person
she is exposed
she can do nothing but lay on her back
and feel like chill of sheets on her spine
as she takes over herself

tonight let’s take depression under the ground
the same place where the bottle of poetry lay
ironic isn’t it
the thing that put her there
lay the foundation
for where she would end up
Oh no
I lost my password
I'm locked out
Forever
 Sep 2013 rainingdreams
J
Trying on my sister’s makeup at six years old,
Seemed like the coolest thing,
Using all sorts of crayons for your eyes in different colors,
Like the ones included in my $1.75 coloring book,
I was trying to be beautiful,
But I knew I didn’t need it,
Using mascara on my hair,
Using extensions to make my hair longer,
Using blush as eye shadow,
Drawing on red cheeks with lipstick,
Taking her size B bra and stuffing it with toilet paper,
Trying on heels because I want to be taller,
Putting on a dress and finally be able to fill it out with my stuffed bra,
I thought I was beautiful,
Even though I probably looked like a carnival clown,
10 years later,
I know how to use makeup,
I use mascara on my eyelashes,
I use eyeliner for my eyes,
I use blush for my cheeks,
I use lipstick for my lips,
I have a double D bra and fill it without toilet paper,
I own heels but I can’t wear them because I am too tall,
I have hair to my waist,
I’m still trying to be beautiful,
But I now won’t show my face without makeup,
I wear a mask hoping someone will remove it,
To tell me I don’t need it,
But they don’t because I do,
Because in my eyes,
I still look like a carnival clown.
I loved u when u were ugly
I loved u even when u cried
I loved u when u loved me
And I even loved u when u lied

My silly eyes grave to see your face
My stupid ears always want to hear your voice
My lonely heart cries out loud for your love
But then I realize AM I THE ONLY ONE????

I day dream about us being TOGETHER
I even dream about u being there FOREVER
Every single second I think only of u
And I just wish that u did the same too

It’s not my obsession to win u
I know I have lost the right to
But just want to ask
Did u ever feel the same too????

I loved u when I was angry with u
I loved u when I handed u to someone else
I loved u when I said I would live without u
And I still do love u
And there will always be a corner in my heart that will never stop crying for u
BUT at the end of the day I realize that I am fighting a lost battle...
There are so many poems
I could write
if only
you were not an ocean away
but your eyes are like
a ripple into the sea
and the words you've held on to
left your body
shipwrecked and crinkled

If only your fingers
could find mine
underneath the ocean
underneath the surface
beneath the soil
the fire the land
where reality fills a gap
where imagination
sinks in

The world may pull
you from your sleeves
but Atlantis
can reach you
from the weakest parts
of your knees
to the lines on your
lips

There are so many poems
I could write
if only
you were not an ocean away
If there was an alternate universe
I would be writing
your name across the
spider web stars

I would dig into the deepest
parts of your mind
where you keep all
of your bad thoughts

I would collect each of them
with my bare hands
and I would remind you
"this is how I fell in love
with you."
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