I feel like spitting pain on the paper
But I’ve run out of ink

Why bother ….
Why …..
      …….

So if your always the one to start a conversation
And if you don’t
They don’t
So I guess that means they don’t want to talk to you
So best leave it
Just don’t bother
Because always being the one
Is a little exhausting
And if they don’t want to talk to you
Why would you make them
So you sit all alone
Wondering ……
Wondering why …..
wondering why bother …..
……… just this …….

I sat on the fence.
The end of the line.
Loving every inch of your soul.
From the distance you waved.
And for a fraction of a moment
I really thought you saw me.
An eternity passed before me the first time our eyes met
Yet still
You’re over there longing for something that will never be me.
You don’t know me
You don’t feel me
You don’t see me at all.
I watched as all your moments crumbled.
I cried when your heart was broken.
I begged god and his angels when I saw you falling crash landing into oblivion.  
But I do not dream of you on warm summer nights.
In fact I don’t ever dream at all anymore.
Dreams are for those who wander aimlessly through corridors and walk through doors that hold hope on the other side .
On the other side of my door I find angels and demons playing poker at my expense and I catch you from the corner of my mind laughing.
I choose to leave you there knowing my soul will burn for less than this.

You drink to forget
The mistakes that you’ve made
You lie to your friends
So easily nowadays
I’m not here to save you
Your like a vulnerable child
But back to those vices
I watch as you cave in
So chiselled and calm
Like there’s no care in the world
That can’t be put right at the end of a bottle
I hate I can’t help you
I love you you know
But off to your vices your readily go
A friendship in tatters
You beg me to not let go
But your making it difficult
Hell don’t you know
Seeing you all tattered and torn at the edges
You don’t love yourself and get into all kinds of messes
I wish we could jump back to when life was more mellow
Gardens and sunshine and fires and music
The love of connection
I’m worried we’ll loose it
You drag round or carry a sheep saved from slaughter
But back she must go as soon as gets older
Your court case is looming
You hurt that beautiful man
Was breaking him apart part of your plan
You tell him you love other people or had flings with your friends and where did you think this would end
I sit and cry tears
I’m not sure what to do
You just don’t listen
You will always do you
And I love you whatever but a distance prevails
You lied to me I don’t take that well
A friendship in tatters
Or a lesson on love unconditional and true
But right now I find it hard to be around you ..