You left the taste of your soul on my pillow.
Thrown onto the floor,
Clinging for a moment to bare floorboards.
My crimson lipstick still lingers
upon my favourite coffee mug.
A memoir to a yesterday lover,
who didn’t quite match up to expectations.
A thoughtful moment of contemplation,
A mistake,
Too many times makes this a mistake …
My cup runneth over,
Yet still I hunger for more of what I’m unaware I need.
My hands held in prayer,
For I beg to understand my flaws.
I beg for the memoirs to be sweeter.
I move slowly around this day,
Letting the scent of you to hold me hostage.
Until the next time I guess…
And I place the pillow back,
puffing up it’s body,
as my frailty is replaced with action,
My coffee cup once again sparkles with the perfection of the moment that hangs before me.
A moment of possibilities,
A future laid with unspoken promises.
But if I hold my ear quietly to my pillow,
I’m sure I heard your soul  whispering,
Something beautiful.
Maybe,
Just maybe,
Next time
You’ll stay.
But,
Reality
never matches up
To the illusion …

Teacup

Exquisitely designed
Herringbone China
Crushed bones designed and fashioned
Into the delicate vessel you hold within the palms of your hands
Warming your fingers on cold winters days,
Relieving the chill of winters breathe.

Hold me close now
For if I drop and fall from your clasp
I will break into a thousand small shards
Splintering against the pavement
Fragmented beyond design
Willow patten weaves its leaves about my handle and birds dance around my rim
Oh how I scream of summer on your lips as morning tea sipped on the dawn wakens your spirits to a new day.
Oh how you sip wine from me when you think no one is watching
An act of rebellion or maybe I am the last clean vessel within the draw .
The set to which I belonged has long since past into oblivion ,
my sister saucers and brother cups no more stand with me
and so I stand alone ,
a victim of circumstance and a hopeful survivor all entwined  within.
I wonder if life had been different
would I of still had your beautiful lips grace my rim .
Oh how I love the curve in your smile and your idle chatter .
My life has been complete because I have loved being and belonging to you .
A simple but exquisitely fashioned tea cup you chose for your own

Nothing touches us so deeply
Than the tears of our children
When darkness engulfs them
Smothering all the beauty of youth
When adulthood is just too hard
And they need to crawl back to the womb
But are too stubborn
Too addicted
Too afraid
What does your heart do when stretched
Beyond recognition
Fragments of a childhood laid ****** and bare for all to see
And there’s nothing you can do there’s nowhere to run from this
The mistakes you made
You loved too hard
You scolded too little
You were too hard when softness was needed
Too soft when you needed to be harder
And all you can do is be there
Be solid and be present
Even when the child is running at the speed of light in the opposite direction
Be present
Be available
Swallow this bitter pill
And pray upon your knees

Christmas,
A time where we remember,
But who remembers us, is what mends or cuts deeper the wounds of the past,
And so maybe we should be remembering to honour all that is sacred within ourselves,
Those selves that have let others in to touch and cut and heal our hearts.
Those selves that have fought beyond boundaries and temptations to keep safe even when we place our minds and bodies on frontlines so raw and destroying .
Bless the self that has risen as Phoenix’s rise through smoke and fire to once more stand within its own majesty and sovereignty so that they can walk tall in a world that at times has misunderstood their intentions and motives .
Remember today to love and honour all that you have been and become,
Fly high the sky is endless and so are we .

I walked into the dentist today
He was sat there
Just quietly waiting
Not for me
And he nodded and I gave a slight awkward nod
The father of my children
Grandfather to my new grandson and my granddaughters
My abuser
It’s been awhile since I even laid eyes upon him
And I shuffled in my seat and then sat still
Thinking how strange
I didn’t want to talk and make idle chat
With this person who years a go I spent intimate moments
And nights of hell with
Flashes of his manic moods swiftly moved past me in remembrance
And I felt nothing
Not fear
Not numbness
Just a nothingness
He walked passed me when called
No nod
No nothing
Just as I wanted

I wish the darkness would smother me in sleep for this restless night has taken me prisoner for it’s own.