That numb place
Where your comfortably happy
Single equals freedom after all
Free from restraints put on you by another
Free from being judged not good enough
Free to be just who you want to be
But this god dam free place
Gets lonely at times
How do you shout that out to the world
How do you fill voids
The ones you used to fill with crumbs of affection
But affection it was
Even if
Unreal and un-lasting
And the wheel of fortune says bid your time
And your horoscope this month looks promising
But hell  girl your just run back to your safe place
The one where freedom abides and heartbreak has never mended
Your heart is scared from all the daggers that have been plunged within
This numb place is becoming less numb
The drug called freedom you realise can never be as intoxicating as that first look
That first kiss
Yet you look around
And there’s no one
No one you want to connect with on a deeper level
So you look deeper into self
You reflect
You tear yourself apart
Bit by bit by bit by bit
And then some more
Bit by bit by bit by bit

It’s long past midnight
The wind howls around the feet of trees
that stand tall, but bend awkwardly
Into positions they were never fashioned  to reach
the rain starts slowly but increasingly patters like small footprints upon my window pane.
Smoothing and unnerving all rolled into one strange moment of sleeplessness
Insomnia beckons for company
I gave in what can I say I’ll sleep through breakfast now so no harm done
And anyhow I am my own master
So do as I please
And now I wandered here
If your listening I’ll never know
I don’t care for strange relationships across blank screens anymore
I don’t slow my breathing down to accommodate yours
I don’t talk for hours
Delving deep yet dusted with a surface shallowness I could never recognise before
Eyes open
Heart closed
That’s the way to survive I guess