I guess it ends now like everything has its own ending.

I guess it ends now like how the sky poured down rain in the evening even when the skies were lit up with shine in the afternoon,
like how you were there with me putting up your bright smile even when the rays were dimming.

I guess it ends now like the way the world works but yet,
darling, my heart doesn't want to.

This is what I said about feeling hopeful and hopelessness at the same time and it bit me again, stronger this time.

The truth is, I really want you forever but it is such a shame to think that we cannot stay longer than sunsets.

Franz Liszt's Years of Pilgrimage was playing at the back,
the music was beating as slow as death,
it had something special about the place,
a rather quiet but buzzing with unrequited feelings.

Nonchalantly was a nature of him,
to be pulling and pushing emotions back and forth,
but something was not always meant to be right,
nor it was always meant to be wrong.

Something was to be ignored and life moved on.

The ocean waves were washing down the beach,
they destroyed the sand castle of sorrow and despair.

Nothing to grief or figure about,
It was something new, fresh with scents.

The end of the saxophone solo snapped him out of it,
a sense of emptiness seemed to be draining out lately,
the void was filled with a gray tiring matter,
and it was nothing altogether.

Dear you,

It feels like I am rafting into a mystical land that is full of evil and dark creatures.

There is no moon and the skies are pitch black. No sign of anyone, including you.

I keep on going, like I always do. But this time it is different.

Because I know that at the end of this journey, it would be worth it.

Yet I may be dead by the end of the day but at least I could smile remembering how you were there for me, at least.

With regrets and foolishness,
(1.42am, 29th August 2017)

Dear you,

I don't really know why,
Yet I am still writing to you,
Hoping that you'll read this.

But to my fear,
I hope you don't.

Days have becoming longer,
The sunrise feels dimmer and the moon is covered by white giant clouds.  

The flowers are blooming beautiful,
Just like you when you donned the
majestic blue dress.

I don't really know why,
For me to still waiting for a miracle,
For us to be in synonymous, I guess?

It's too early to call but some say,
Late is better than never.

I think I'll grow tired of this feeling,
But I hope I'll never cease from writing to you again.

So that you'll know how I feel all this while,
Only for you not to notice.

With regrets and foolishness,
(1.21am, 18th August 2017)

Dear you,

Today I realized something new,
too much oxygen can suffocate a living soul,
like too much feelings can intoxicate you.

Today I realized something new,
don't put high hopes on something that could fall,
like one's heart falling in love with the smile of yours.

It was a surreal yet a wishful dream,
to be writing this just for you.

Shelves of books and you, I imagine,
could light up the whole room,
could enchant the whole world,
captivating those who surround it.

Motion pictures, fixated cameras,
moving billboards & neon lights,
they are living proofs,
- that colors have meanings.

But wouldn't it be idiotic to say:
what is the meaning of this black and white life,
if I am without you?

Yet it is not the matter of patching up the pieces,
or even filling up the empty void.

It is the matter of how you live the life as it is,
to create memories and,
to cherish them, with everything.

The sun will always rise and set at the end,
just the way it is for thousand years,
The moon will always shine and dim at the end,
just the way it is for thousand years.

But what is there for us,
the broken & senseless souls?

With regrets and foolishness,
(1:31am, 14th August 2017)

Dear you,

Believe me, the calmness within;
It was anything like I have tasted ever before.
It was something that I adore purely the most.

Believe me, when I say;
That I dreamed about you twice tonight,
but it was rather a magical feeling
or subconscious obnoxious thoughts,
- they left out traces.

Believe me, when I say;
Some people have the brightest smiles,
but they hide in them thousands of wonder pictures,
millions of living emotions,
- their broken pieces.

But truly believe me, when I say;
To indulge in life is to savor both sad and joy,
to delve deeper in the dark deep wells,
to swim in cold stormy seas,
to fly away in black night skies.

True, time would not heal anything,
it merely creates a sensation of curing,
it merely deludes one to think it does heal something,
yet even wounds leave scars,
- that are meant forever.

It is about how you write your chapters in your life story
& how you shape the ending,
either sorrow or exuberance,
if it has one.

With regrets and foolishness,
(3:03am, 10th August 2017)

I don't know what is more painful than;

Seeing your sweet killer smile,
Listening to your cute intoxicating giggling,
Fading away, just like that.

I don't know what is more tormenting than;

Watching your pretty quiet eyes,
Hearing to your tantalising hopeful words about us,
Disappearing through the thin air, just like that.

It's such an act of masochism, addicting to the pain one inflicted to oneself.

But darling, it is you that I am addicted to.
The drug that kills me slowly but surely.