raenona: Poems

raenona Oct 2014

i want to kiss you sometimes.
when i see the sun i think of your name. your voice sounds like windchimes and feels like the cold side of the pillow. please stay. stay. stay so i don't have to wake up in the middle of the night searching for another cold side, i can just search for your hand.
even though your hand feels like a cement block that could **** and destroy me in one instance. but that's okay i guess. i'd love to have my heart crushed by your hands. anytime, any day.
im terrified of your bare skin. every inch of you so beautiful. the birthmark on your face. ill never tell you because i will need to get the **** out of here someday and you'll realize why storms were named after people. but what the ***** in a name anyway?
i hate my name.
maybe one day you'll think of it as a beautiful word that flows so gently off of your tongue.
stay. sit down and promise me you'll keep me here and we both will stay.
stay.
i don't know if im telling myself that, or you.

white porcelain

raenona Aug 2015

white porcelain

i punch the **** out of the porcelain sink
in the upstairs bathroom
the carpets already maroon
maybe the blood won't stain
everything else is out of my control
just something to make myself feel
my knuckles get more red as the time goes on
my fingers are swollen
but i keep punching the **** out of the porcelain sink

who is in control

raenona Dec 2015

who is in control

you're only happy when your head is filled with dope
i keep jumping at the slightest of sounds
you can't see the person inside of me
keep putting the mask on
you're only happy when my clothes are on your floor
should the pain scare me
im familiar with what's inside of my head
you beg me to tell you
but you're not happy
unless your sorry head is filled with dope
i should be scaring you

words

raenona Oct 2014

words

it seems to happen
late at night (or
early in the morning
whatever you
want to call it)
i wake up with a
feeling of such loneliness
such depression
after i call your name
because i can't get
the image of you
holding the door
for me
out of my head
i can't stop dreaming
of your words
"i
      love
             you."
or a simple
"you're
              mine."
and how that was
once so normal
and now,
i haven't even heard
a
   "hello."
in one ******* year
because i don't even know who you are anymore.

this doesn't even make sense but i feel it and i ******* hate it i hate you

You

raenona Sep 2014

You

I'm wearing your sweatshirt to sleep again
I'm under my own roof and it makes me feel more at home

I've bitten my nails until they bleed
But when I hold your hand, everything seems to heal

I can't undo the tangles in my hair
But you trace your fingers down my arm and every one of my thoughts becomes unwinded and untangled before you

You make me feel so alive but you make me want to die

raenona Sep 2014

You make me feel so alive but you make me want to die

What a ******* trap this is

you're a dick

raenona Aug 2014

you're a ****

you're killing me by doing absolutely nothing and I guess I did expect more but
who wouldn't?
I still sit here on Sundays and think of you having breakfast with your grandmother
I think of our visits to the nursing home to see your grandfather
I think of our times playing with kittens at the local shelter

I think of my heart being shattered
to a million pieces
as your overconfident,
****,
self-centered,
**** attitude got in the way of your seemingly non-existent feelings
I think of the tears I cried when I realized all of the *******
I put up with
for so long
because I was too blind to see what kind of a person
you really are

— The End —