but god when you pull me closer,
nuzzle in,
when all i can feel is skin on skin,
when the world falls blank and insignificant to your finger tips
because the world never touched me like this
the world never kissed me like this...
so, sometimes, when you pull me closer,
I forget about the ******* world

but some nights i just think too far ahead,
i just think too much at once,
about things that don't matter,
things that aren't happening yet,
what-ifs and why-nots and
holy **** i love you
and i know i told you i'd message you before i'd cut myself again,
but **** **** **** **** **** **** ****

DO YOU GET IT???
I fall hard
and I fell for you
so for the next whoever-knows-how-long
I will be wishing to be a plant on your windowsill
or your favorite pillow
or the mug you drink out of every morning.
I wish I was the hat on your head
or your bass guitar
(I want you to pluck me, strum me, touch me)
I want to be your computer chair
maybe the pencil you use to take tests with.

I will wish I was something you'd keep around
something simple you don't think too much about
something you know you've got and you know you want
I will be wishing

I'm afraid to tell you that I am not joking when I say that
your eyes shine brighter than my own smile
and I'm not really sure what being in love feels like,
but if it's not this,
then it's not worth it.
The grease has piled on top of my face and head and heart
but you cleanse it with every pointed star
and squinted eye looking at me parallel to my shoulders
our chests perfectly in line.
I always have to catch my breath when the amount of clothing covering your torso
changes reality to a daydream,
but not even trophies match the fluttering I feel when you look me in the eye to tell me
"You are so beautiful,"
immediately after you've seen every single one of my flaws.

I chew my nails off
even after a perfect night and day
because in the early sun of the first of this month,
you pushed my hair from my face and whispered,
"Goodmorning," with a smile
and I will miss you
like I will miss scraping my body against a blade
or sliding against a stage
leaving my heart in the spotlight.
Because just like that blade,
one day you will hurt me, I guess,
but you'll be in my dreams
and I'll wish to have you back to calm my shaking hands.

i just don't feel at home at my house-
i'm sorry mom, it's not your fault-
I just don't think I'm the type who feels like i fit
outside of the people i've been surrounding myself with
my friends are a family, too, you know?
and that's where i feel like
it feels like home