YOUVE ALREADY STABBED ME PLEASE STOP TWISTING THE KNIFE

your love
made me feel like a butterfly opening it's wings for the first time--
beautiful
yet terrified

your love
made me think i could stop all crimes and fight the biggest battles--
ambitious
and stupid

your love
made me crave you
like an addict craves it's needle--
dangerous
and helpless

i've always wanted to own a bookstore

i'm not sure if it's because i hate my life so much
that i want to engulf myself into other peoples
love stories
or tradgedies
or celebrations

or if it's because
finding a new book
is one of those adrenaline pumping things
it's like a whole new adventure within bindings

It's as if those words you let leave your tongue
Were equivalent to a drug
Shot into my veins
Or
A bullet
To my heart

Did you even think about my feelings?
Did you even realize what you were doing to me?

you're killing me by doing absolutely nothing and I guess I did expect more but
who wouldn't?
I still sit here on Sundays and think of you having breakfast with your grandmother
I think of our visits to the nursing home to see your grandfather
I think of our times playing with kittens at the local shelter

I think of my heart being shattered
to a million pieces
as your overconfident,
****,
self-centered,
**** attitude got in the way of your seemingly non-existent feelings
I think of the tears I cried when I realized all of the *******
I put up with
for so long
because I was too blind to see what kind of a person
you really are

you cut into my heart as if the blood doesn't even bother you
you tear me down as if you can't hear my cries of help

missing his kiss is like calling for your dog even though it ran away

missing his touch is like trying to put back together a mirror
that shattered against the floor

missing his laugh is like attempting to put the blood back into your scraped knee

missing him is like asking your dead grandmother to make it to your birthday party