my mind is weary that
it has painted every blushing cheek
that I have ever kissed
every pair of lips
I may have dreamt them up
but with each heavy thought
I sink deeper in my flesh
and I'm deep with you
we need a new head rush
a vacation for a daze or two
we'll lay sand at the bedside
and find that each morning's an ocean
and the tide will tell us
how the future doesn't exist
maybe my brain will grow fonder
of what my heart likes

eyes clear, mind fogged
I drift in and out
of reach
warm touch, I melt
an easy wall
to breach
I’m emotional, irrational
we intertwine
in lust
you call, wind batters
my words are specs
of dust
cheeks pressed, still quiet
I am learning now
to grow
it was empty, it was open
but I remember
let go

I have wilted
this close
remember to breathe
I am selfish
in an instant
please don’t leave
I feel it
heart sinks
but the answer is, “No.”
I’ll disappoint you
the last whisper,
“I have to go.”

Freshly bitten lips
skin blooms pink again
tiny indentations
pupils breathing, expanding
fingers reach, grasp, *feel

on an evening when I’d string together whispers
little beats from the sleepy hearts
and I’d find comfort in the gaps between
the places I could store a sigh or two
my glass hiding spots
and there is a constant loneliness
in feeling no roots beneath you
no tie to the bones in your fingers
some day I will live by the ocean
so maybe then I can feel an impression
of something forever pulling me closer
a salted embrace

I knew we’d have to say goodnight
on a hillside, bathed in city lights
I waited for you to kiss me

We let the ocean set us afloat
I read the letter that you wrote
It pulled me back to sea

The crack in your windshield gleamed
as it split open freeway beams
I watched them paint you

I waited for the morning light
my eyes burned when you took flight
I’d stretch my love East

I want lavender hair
and rose pedal eye lids
I want that crushed apple kiss
in the neighborhood park
I want to find myself somewhere
I’ve never been
in a movie,
in a feeling,
in an absence.

I want broken memories
and mix tapes to track them
I want that lunar light to ravel
in my hair, in my nails
I want to loose myself somewhere
I can be safe
in a book,
in a kiss,
in an ocean.

I want whispered feelings
and warm skin constellations
I want that empty feeling
in a sleepless evening
I want to fill myself with something
I can hold on to
in a secret,
in a soul,
in a lifetime.

tucked into moonlight
sisters planted in soil
she kissed you asleep

I saw the moon in February
it took me back to that
empty place
I had found in myself
Lapetus was holding my heart
tugging me further
and further
out
into the black,
into the arms of Jove
destiny was waiting for me there
or so I was told
my Valentine whispered star dust
something bright, airy
nothing I would ever want
that empty place was calling me again
in the back of my throat
an ember glowed,
Shining Father
I craved anything that might
steal away this hollow shell
what some named mortality
but there at my core,
my own Sun
my glossy solar system
I could still feel a dull pulse
lunar hands enveloping my heart
tugging me further
and further
out
into the fields of Capitoline Hill,
into the beak of a great marble Eagle
he was waiting for me there
or so I was told

too quiet
just a pair of old friends
caught up in a snowstorm
feet kicked upon the table
you tasted bitter the second time
we paused
but maybe it was just you
those dragonfly kisses
that bruise on your wrist
found its way to my mouth
we were delicate leaves
itching to make our first,
and last,
flight.
all of those November bruises
you were quite the adventure
hands reached out for laughter
you tasted bitter the second time
I paused
maybe it was just me

that night, in the gold light of the parking lot
we spoke with three different languages
it was a time of Winter words
where we could easily eliminate speech
if only we could find it in ourselves to do so
we were separated from the textures
our roots were eager to connect
but we kept to our respective sides
I was hoping to keep the letter sealed
I was hoping you would feel the same
somehow my hands stayed fixed
I wanted to know you by each breath
to count a thousand flowers in your eyes
you wondered why I kept my stare to the floor
to my hands, to my breath
there was a brief moment there,
where I was still at the top of the railing
leaning over with hands gripping tight
beneath me there were hundreds
an orchestra of human movement
each strand of hair toyed with the idea
and maybe there, just for an instant
I was one of those flowers in your eyes



*I would later admit that I missed you too

I wished that I could be a forest
growing, quietly nurturing
nothing more than a harmonized heartbeat
a shared breath, a family of sighs
I wanted to be taller than everything around me
to provide a shelter within myself
I craved for the sunlight
to only glaze the top of my hands
my forever reaching fingertips
young, bleeding roots, stretching beneath me
where I could feel myself breaking
I would laugh and sprint beyond my border
there would be no borders
I would be infinite

your mind is a map
of blue constellations
a secret language
and furrowed brows
you look past the film
with frosted eyes
one string to your being
and so back to mine
in spirit, in focus
a river of time
and one solid moment
and three blind bees
three sides to everything
lacking true substance
just a chest filled with warmth
that will feel, feel
everything

fragments of a warm Wednesday
a summer heat
little footprints in the sand
we left in your bathroom
candles burned
and all I smelled was salt
the tiny flame
that brightened your pupils
and grinned back at me
my hair was sticky
as I slipped into the covers
a sun above me
and I waited for the clouds
it smelled like love
but everything did back then

i have three bees
these bees are three
they crawl up my spine
and then they sting
with bulging eyes
and grinning wings
they drink the sun
and what it brings

I am in pieces
scattered across the carpet
shoved beneath the bed
out of sight in drawers
when everyone and everything seems at the peak
I am looking up to the mountain
wishing I had brought my boots
every window is an opening,
and I find myself wishing to escape
and I find myself holding only so many hours in my hand
trying desperately to not allow myself
to just allow myself
to just let
to just
no time

painting my face the colors of fall
a pair of autumn eyes.
however, my intentions are good
doesn't that count for anything anymore?
a nod, a smile, a wonderful combination of the two
the best way to lie is to change the truth

hanging by a thread
sunlight pools at my feet
burning, raging reflections
brushing at my fingertips
no walls, no ceilings
just a pair of sunken eyes
blinking slowly
taking in the picture
just a mouthful of barbed wire
breathing rusted metal
memorizing my trails
I will start with nothing

remembering something lovely
remembering a dream
I fall into myself, I fall out again
I get so lost, so empty
and when my eyes open up
I am just a loose,
simple image of myself
just a pretty little doll
that walks and speaks simply
I awake, dress, eat, deliver
I drink, speak, break, sleep
it is so lovely, I forget to stop
and so like clockwork I am running
and I fall into and out of step
my own footprints
little trails of little patterns

the lion's snarl
dramatic
aggressive
yet nothing more
than empty threats


*I'm not afraid of you

depression, a sickness,
a lonesome disease
yet no outer sores
for others to see
deceptive smiles
a half-hearted, "Fine"
when someone is hurting
where is the sign?
they lay in their shells,
shrinking away
when they've lost faith in the good
and each passing day
a lavender lip smear
a watercolor face
struggling to continue
the rushing new pace
where do they turn
when depression is growing?
and those who are closest
have no way of knowing

the pink beneath the sheets
soft and ordinary
one pleasant lip curl
enough to knock me off my feet

the roses on your cheeks
wilt one at a time
oh, sweet sickness
the heat rose from the streets

the thick salted air
it's enough to fill my lungs
along with my cravings
I've got a spoonful

I miss you
when the pillow is cold
when my lips press together
when there's plastic on my finger
when I hear that smooth Jazz
when you're only a minute away
when I know I'll see you again
and the words still blur past
I miss you

in the field
bells on each flower
breath on my neck
soft noise is elixir
turning, flowing, sighing
white roots
beneath the soil
my hands are open
the morning's kiss
settles upon the earth

alone in the shell
the colors on the surface
melt and distort me

here in the owl's hole
whispers echo each other
a still symphony

stretched over his face
what real beauty consists of
he is my sunrise

my feet hit the ground
stars below my eye lashes
sweeter than my lies

memories fading
when they could throw it away
no time for the truth

Sitting in my clean dress clothes
looking for a distraction
Sunday I will make amends
until then I dream

with yearning for a different life we leave ourselves behind
because the worries of the world way so heavy on our minds
my life has been a dance with the elegant summer air
and the smell of salt that lingered from the beach in my hair
a thousand different faces yet they stand out all so clear
I’d tuck away the places I wished I’d visited each year
if we all wrote down our dreams I wonder if we would remember
the way our eyes lit up when winter gave us the magic of December
before the bills and all the pills that we would have to take
before the smiles on our faces started to feel fake
our very first step, when we carried our own weight
our very first step, when we began to see the light of faith
the friends we’ve made and we’re still making
the advice from other that we had started taking
the brilliance of red and orange on the tree tops in fall
realizing how big we felt even though we were so small
the very first butterflies that fluttered within you
that came with the kiss that had always stuck with you
our memories of those who had left us behind
finding new life beyond the blue skies
with yearning for a different life we left ourselves behind
because the worries of the world were so heavy on our mind

I’ve been looking for a new me
Slipping on a different pair of skin
Drinking someone else’s opinion
I can’t find myself anymore
This isn’t my voice
They’ve dressed me up into a monster I’m not

we brushed fingertips
a secret held within the prints
we leaned in for
a chlorine covered kiss
our eyes opened

you are the soothing hum
the grass stains on my jeans
the summer in my hair
the color in my cheeks
you are the the constant wave
beating against my heart
the warm honey on my lips
the paint on my nails
you are the perfect dance
and a moonlit ride
the sticky vanilla cream
you are the flower in my palm
the reason I smile
the chills down my spine
you are more than you'll ever know
you are the love of my life

swallowed up, swallowed up
little pearl of an infant
swallowed up
shallow bodies
hollow ground
through the slits
between her fingers
swallowed up, swallowed up
in the bath
filled with blossoms
eyes flutter
the wings of an insect
swallowed up, swallowed up
in a white room
sterile and empty
it surrounds me
swallowed up, swallowed up
on the porch
in the dirt
blank expressions
stained skirts
swallowed up


swallowed up