Muhammad went to Vegas
and tried his luck on slots
He won a couple of dollars
and bought himself a scotch
He sat at the bar
talking with Becka
and thought to himself
this sure beats Mecca

Trump went to China
Looking for Taiwan
The Chinese said you'd better
decide which side you're on
Trump said you Chinks
all look the same to me
the Chinese rolled their eyes
and pointed towards the sea
So Trump got on his horse
and headed for the shore
then turned around and said,
"and one thing more,
I will build a Greater Wall
then the one I saw today!"
The Chinese just shook their heads
as he headed for Taipei

I went to San Francisco last night
and picked up a couple of Chicks
I took them home and they laid eggs
and I fried them with hominy grits

My best friend's Father
passed away late yesterday
there's nothing we can do now
but bow our heads and pray
He'll soon get back on his Sea Horse
and shoot birds over the Great South Bay
We will roast them in olive oil
with rice and broccoli
and give thanks to the brand new day

I went to California last night for coffee and cake
Was home in time to watch the Rangers skate
Even stopped in Vegas and placed a couple of bets
There's nothing like traveling around in a Super High-Speed Vest

The Buffoon-in-Chief
May it be brief
The sooner he's gone
We may move on

It's been years now
since I've seen her
I'm getting closer to Caterina
It may be why I'm here
sipping this beer
on the steps of the old Cantina

It should have been Anji
Here with me tonight
to listen to Dino & drink
to our Heart's Delight
It could have been Anji
If everything was right
But it seems that the Gods
have their own interests in sight
But it could have been Anji
and I know this is right
whatever may happen
I'll remember the night
When Anji told me everything
would be alright...

It's the last night-the last beer
the last time I will be here
the last song and the last sleep
the last time I will soar
and I will weep
It's a sad time and the best
because I finally got it right
AT LAST!

I want to date Emily Dickinson
and see how things go
we have to get to know each other
but may be mates of the soul
there is an age difference
but that can be bridged
I can't wait till we meet
so we can start to live

I drew a picture of the Prophet
and hung it on the wall
no matter what some may say
It's not bad at all
may not be my best work
but what can I say?
I'm really not an artist anyway

My House doesn't own me anymore
no need to worry about the HVAC or the floor
I may get a good night's sleep
But to the Landlord I am but a Sheep

I'm hoping that God sends me
the keys to a luxury condo in the meat packing district so I can ride the iron horse like the days of old and climb the stairs to the 79th floor and pick up where we left off but I know you can't go home again even though technically it wasn't
my place but none of that matters any more in the new and crazy world where I now reside as long as I have my perch on the 25th floor near the Center of the Universe and my five years of exile exist only as a pleasant memory of dinners at Anji's and music in the park on Independence Day plus a few other things but not when I went to see the doctor and the birds and the bees or the two Harleys that the two jerks crashed in the night so I finally was able to get some sleep none of that but the dinners at Anji's for sure.

God stopped in Tel Aviv
on the way to meet the rabbini
He sat on the beach and
watched the girls in their bikinis
the Rabbi was waiting at the station
But He just had to admire
his greatest creation

Caroline, Yes
I saw you in
your painted dress
It's not as nice as
you're birthday suit
but you still looked
very cute

Alize called me last night and
said she wanted to come spend
a fews days before she has to fly
off to Australia so she can get some
rest away from it all I told her she
sure picked the right place so she knocked on my door and we had a
glass of wine and sat on the couch
listening to music on my stereo
and I made her dinner but not French because I have no idea but
she enjoyed it and we had another glass because you know how they are
and then she went to sleep and I stayed on the couch and a few days later she flew off to Australia.
But I'll watch her on T.V.

I saw my dog last night
from nineteen seventy-five
she was adorable
and looked so alive
she gave me her paw
and did what I said
and then she went
and sat in her egg

Dust upon the dresser
Sweaters, shirts and leather-
Light sneaks by the door
Silence fills the silence
Like grass upon the green
Pillows, paints and paper
Now the time to dream
Dew drops on the sink
The toothpaste tube is pink
Like oranges in summer
Squeezed dry by the drummer

The Pope left for Memphis in the early dawn
He met Elvis and watched some ****
The King made them sandwiches
of peanut butter and banana
the Pope said this is even better
than my nights in Havana!

When I think of the next four years
My eyes fill up with tears
I hate to be so crass
But can we have a man-
And not an ***?

President-Elect Mickey Mouse
may soon be in the White House
What's a cat like me to do
but hope I get a chance to chew?

Eric Rohmer gave us Claire's Knee
and it's irresistible allure
Kristina's Thigh
is all that and more

I want to date Kristina Mladenovic
but she has no idea who I am
if she knew who I was
she would still have no interest
this is not encouraging
but one never knows...

A pony expressed his emotions to me
he said how it feels to be a pony
he said he just feels like a little horse
I said there's a resemblance, of course
But not to worry all is well
A pony's a pony and that is swell!

I went to see the doctor
he was full of doom and gloom
he said I need to see the doctor
that is in another room
So I went back to New York City
because it's been so many years
and I looked up at all the buildings
and my eyes just filled with tears
Then I headed out to Vegas
just to see what I could do
but it was way too much money
so I got on a plane and I flew
Then I fell into the ocean
and ended up in Kalamazoo
so I drove to Carolina
and I listened to Dr Wu
And then I went back to the doctor
and he said he didn't know
and I said it didn't matter
so he told me all was well
So I called up the preacher
and I told him all is lost
he told me not to worry
then he tallied up his cost
Then I left for Mississippi
but she was there no more
so I went to California
with the cold and rocky shore
So I found a new profession
and I bought a brand new car
then I felt like drinking *****
with some tonic at the bar
And then I walked into the nighttime
and I swam from shore to shore
until my body couldn't take it
and then I did it some more
So I went back to see the doctor
and he asked me where I'd been
I said I walked across the nation
and it was all because of him
Then I felt like I was falling
and that was when he shut the door
he told me everything was broken
and that he could do no more
So I went to find another doctor
just to see what he would say
and he told me I was dreaming
but I didn't have to pay
Now I felt like God was calling
so I looked up in the sky
and he told me not to worry
but he didn't tell me why
So I went back to Indiana
and I found all of my friends
and I gathered all my family
and I said this is the end

I asked God what He wanted
and He said not to cry
He said it doesn't matter
but He didn't say why
I pointed to the thing
way up in the sky
He told me not to worry
Then He said goodbye

Now I lay me down to sleep
I pray the Lord my life and weep
If I'm alive when I awake
I say the Lord made a mistake

Why have you abandoned me?

And then I walked across the water
and met you on the other side
and there I asked you what you wanted
and then I saw it in you eyes
And so we wandered to the river
and felt like running wild
But then I told you about the morning
when I was just a child
And then the mountains in the distance
appeared from beneath the clouds
and we forgot about the nightmares
and all the wasted hours
And then I asked you about the reason
you walked away that night
But everything that happens happens
and we know that's right

George said it best
back in 1969
how little did I know
that in good time
It would also be
All Too Much for me

I think God is trying to **** me
but I don't know why
there are plenty of people
already up in the sky
maybe He is lonely
or maybe He is sly?
all I know is
I'd rather live than die

The birds are pecking holes
in the house
I've got bees in the chimney
and in the attic a mouse
cicadas are crashing into the door
this is not my idea of amour

Jesus was a man
who lived in ancient times
of this I do believe
you cannot change my mind
he gained quite a following
and had some good ideas
the authorities crucified him
because of their fears
and he has been dead
all these many years

Emily said Hope is the Thing with Feathers
But this bird has flown
I hate to disagree with her
for all she has known
for everything there is a season
and it's this bird's time to sing
and it don't have me
so it is free
from the perch within my soul

I want to go listening to
Rubber Soul
watching the tennis girls
sipping wine and
eating eggplant parmesan
A book by Ian
but I'm not sure when
so I will have to devote
all my time to this
there are worse things to do

Triscuits and hummus
with olives and wine
Miles and Coltrane
in four four time
salmon and salad
rosemary and thyme
Rohmer and Renoir
at Hollywood and Vine
Haruki Murakami
and Mark Twain
these are some of the  
favorite things of mine

Read my obituary in the Times today
was a bit of a shock, I'd say
but it was there for all to see
that I had died Tuesday, August 23
Time was short and I had to go
but there is so much more to know
I never get to see Japan,
at least not the way I planned
I guess I was just a dreamer
about the lovely Caterina
But these are not the best of times
I tell you that, friends of mine
I won't miss the guns and shots    
the religious zealots
the people on the streets
the inane tweets
I imagine it will all pass
and we shall all be Free at Last!
but that's for another life to live
My time has come and I forgive

At night I put
all my troubles
in a box
so that I may sleep
and relax
this is good
advice for all
but lately the box
has become too small

I'm thinking of euthanAsia
or maybe Canada
it's closer to home
but then again
when in Rome
so maybe I'll book
a trip to Nepal
and climb that mountain
once and for all!

I woke up this morning
and found I was dead
apparently I expired
last night in my bed
coffee seemed unlikely  
the butter the bread
figured I may as well
go back to bed

An elephant walked into the room
while I was working
I was like, what the heck-
can the floor even take it?
I tried to get back to work
but it kept looking at me
was it hungry-do I even
have any peanuts?
pretty much ruined my day
it's hard to concentrate
with an elephant in the room.

The last time I saw Venus
I was walking on the moon
It was quiet like the evenings
back home in early June
I thought I might stay on a while
and see what I can do
but everyone keeps telling me
how much I mean to you
I guess it doesn't matter
that much to me no more
So I'll see you in the morning
when I walk in through the door

I'm Stuck Inside of Raleigh with the New York Blues again
I feel like Mr. Dylan did
way back when
He sang it with emotion
and wrote it with his pen
I'm hoping and I'm praying
I'll see New York again

It's just a glance
that feeds my trance
the future leads the past
there's no romance
I take no chance
It's over just as fast
But when eyes meet eyes
there's so much to be told
a future to behold
a person I might hold!
But it's just a glance
Paris, France
Now I'm on my way
After all I'd be the fool to say
I'd love to take you home

I thought I saw an angel
Walking through the door
I guess that I was dreaming
Can't see her any more
Maybe it was morning
Or maybe times have changed
If only we could remember
The time that remains

At times i am crazy
and little do know
At times i am lazy
don't shovel the snow

At time I'm a genious
so clever and wise
At times the cleanest
Don't need a disguise

At times I'm too stupid
to know what to think
At times i make a bid
At times i shrink

At times I'm so capable
so able and strong
At times so stable
So calm through the storm

At times i can think
as the greatest of men
at times i shrink
at the mention of them

At times I'm so lonely
so sorry and mad
at times i am only
Alive-and I'm glad!

People I know
Stories I hear
Pictures I see
And feelings I feel
How sad and crazy
How funny and calm
How loving and lonely
It all has become

Times change,  life grows

People endure their pains

With each passing tear

Our strength increases

We are muscle

A dog crept up behind me the
other day and said,
"Please give me a drink or I'll
soon be dead;
my human has died-
he's incredibly dead,
and I've been left without
any bread."
"You've nothing to fear."
to the dog i said,
"There's plenty to drink,
down the street by the shed.
Just go over and get it
with nothing else said."
I must admit the dog lost all his dread
as he ran down the street
nodding his head.

Lightening strikes the alley cat
it strikes the saintly soul
it does no discriminating that
will justify the whole
why then, you may ask
should we look above
why do the task
if we're going to fall so hard
well then, let me tell you
why one should look out
our soul is the avenue
by which we move about