how big am i
how big am i when i feel so small
my reflection lives in a funhouse mirror
thick thicker
short shorter
the curves of my body are as warped as the glass
and the more i stare
the sadder i get
i see every misshapen lump to my short stature
like an eagle looking at its prey

how big am i when i feel so small

your body is beautiful
so so pretty
coveted by the boys
the ***** ones
sharks
who devour the smell of blood in the water
the ones who thrive off the smell of their prey

baby we should cuddle
so so warm
and extra pretty
but I feel ***** ***** *****
because you have extra love baby
just for me me me
begging me for a little bit moremore more

lovely lovely
can I have a taste of the
sweet nectar
a little little bit baby
youre so pretty
a body so fine fine fine

its all a ******* twisted lie
to get your rocks off before you take a dive and ask a different girl
to prom

hugs me warm
so beautiful and hot
kisses my head leaving me pretty
left me sitting happy head rested on my shoulder
s o loving
making me see streaks
and electric violet lines

my first kiss was from a best friend to a best friend
i complained that I was fifteen and had never been loved
so she pulled me in and kissed me as a friend
it was nice

next it was a boy in love with someone else they held hands
when we kissed it was just a peck
his lips were warm but he was cold

then came a boy who fell in love too quick
i didnt know his name, all i knew was that it was in the rain
the music was loud there was blood on his shirt
and his tongue was in my mouth

following that came the one who hurt a pretty girl
we met online and testing was hard
i invited him over and we kissed my mouth tasted like mint
i was tipsy and my mom came home
he hid and he left she never found out

later was a boy who was super high
morphine helps to spell his name
he was desperate for kisses and i was desperate for love
he kissed me and later said cool
he didnt remember

most recently a girl who will never love me back
a fake kiss on the forehead but it was the best kiss ive ever had
she petted my hair and i loved it so so much
i was sad and she knew i hid behind my glasses but she saw my tears
it was a walk by in the dark and there were no words
she never dates she just has *** and i want to date her
she calls me little one or lovebug
and all i love is that

sun tanned thighs
mexico
whiskey from canada
teary eyes
and concerned lies
puzzles
pale neck bubblegum
flippy skirts
and loving from

there is a postcard lying in the middle of my floor
covered in her writing
telling me that I am worth it
telling me that she loves me
it looks so perfect just lying there
in the center of my carpet
i cant bring myself to move it or touch it
my mom doesn't try to pick it up
because even she sees how rightful its placement is
right and perfect
and truly in love

You said you hadnt been kissed in a while
i told you i would kiss you
you said youd kiss me back and im overjoyed
I love you
The rest of my night was a swirled druggy haze

i feel like melted butter
and i wont remember anything in the morning
if you want to use me tell me

I am the garden walls used
to protect me and I am the weeds that weave through the walls
and under the walls curving myself through cracks in my own cement
this is cliche