2005
I wish I had loved you then
when life was simple
and love was easy
when you and I were young enough to stay
over at each other's houses and
talk all night
on the mattress we dragged out in front of the tv
                 2010
I wish I had loved you then
When love was awkward, small
and you hardly knew what *** was
When we could look into each others eyes
and know that we were too scared
to hold hands even in public
and was lost when you kissed me
                  2016
Im glad we love each other now
when we're both sixteen and I learn to drive
and you text me when I got home
when you hold my hand in cvs
to buy condoms for our first time
when you kiss my nose
and clumsily love me

No one trusts me
I'm just their little daughter
Their little lying daughter

I once heard my mother call me a *******
It was through the wall while she was arguing with my father on the phone
Sometimes I think he might be the only one who likes me

oh dear o dear
im late im late
Im sorry dear
By loving heart and dying ear
i learn from teeth spilled on concrete
linoleum is scary?  
and without you i am early

I left myself bleeding in the street
but most of all
most of all I turned to the jailor and asked about
the sea
he told me it was salty
and added so was he

His wife a younger woman
shes cheating with the warden
the warden, she loves women
and women they love her
shes never seen the ocean
but shes tasted salt between their legs

and still im late
a lying *****
on accident
defendant

dearly beloved i've gathered you here today
to remind you of the smell of your father
the warm feeling you got when he held your hands
love feels that way
like home

darlings i search for a man like my father
the same age
who felt the same way looking down on me with love
the same smell, the same warmth when he holds my hands
i search for a man who feels like home

All i want is a man on prom night who
will give me enough love to write his name on my *******
a man who will give me enough dignity to drink schnapps and not feel ashamed

I wrote a letter the other day.
dancing around the subject of dragonflies
I don’t speak in their language
honestly its too complicated
because I don’t speak in nuzzles
I don’t speak in love
I speak in the cold attitude of indifference
I mutter thoughts in blue ballpoint pen

To him I speak in keyboard clicks
with a snap of a twig we flip
and we are in the same room
matching cereal bowls
emptied of their contents in the sink
We speak in notches on a bed post
and a mattress on the floor
We speak in unwashed sheets
He crushes my disdain as if it were a walnut shell
and informs me that I speak in my sleep

Whatever the weather we stay at home
stare out the windows at the fairy lit wilderness
jotting down whatever concepts come to mind
he is cream rolling in peaks
smooth and whipped
poured over his duvet
as if he were cool whip on peach pie
He is my worst intentions personified

I wrote a letter the other day.
dancing around the subject of dragonflies
I dont speak in their language
but he speaks mine
even though its complicated
we don't speak in words
we speak in private displays of affection
we speak in caring closed door moments
and the texts he asks me to send when I walk home alone
To make sure I am safe
and In the end I may mutter thoughts in blue ballpoint pen
but He reads them loud and clear and responds in love

all i want to do is
swallow swallow swallow swallow
i breathe death
and my painted knuckles bruise green in their luminescence
hearing her speak is like crushing lines
and tracing my entrails tract
you are not me
you are not me
you are not me
and i want to swallow the ocean
feel the sloshing tides consume me
burn the frizzy kinks from my hair
you dont see the light in me
you dont see me
i am so so much more than the minuscule sect you see
of me in this life
if i cant give my all to you
then i feel as though its clear that im so divided up
in my life that my the pieces of me cant collect enough
to put in your swollen arms
to call your own
calling me small is an understatement when in reality
i am so much bigger than you
and i may be crying now because you tell me that i am not enough
but in the end i will be so so much bigger than you

in a park
lost my virginity
it ******

thats it this was a psa thanks

hello satisfaction
where the **** are you

where are you
and how did you come into my life
you vanilla candle dream
you lovely acre of midsummer land
heavenly fairylight daydream girl
glow of firefly **** and acorn heart
you are the apex of august
you are my solstice
the darkening leaves
gracing the ground
she is the red and golden aura  
of the love i feel for her