I miss you,
To bad to even explain,
I try to fill my time with new guys,
The whole time thinking about the one that got away,
And I'll admit this is all new for me,
Loving you always came so easy,
Losing you wasn't the same for me.
I learned quick that you play for keeps,
You taught me slow and steady wins the race,
and how I loved the chase,
You kept my interest,
Kept me close,
I thought you were all I needed to stay afloat,
I learned from my mistakes,
and I can honestly say,
I miss you a little to much to be comfortable with anyone else,
I don't want to love you like this,
I just want you to come back home.

I hear the clock tick on,
I count every second on my fingers,
I toss and turn in my grandmother's bed;

I hear Godfather on the TV,
I count the minutes till the noise stops,
I toss my hair back and turn back to the wall;

I hear the window break,
I count the men that are trying to break in,
I toss back the covers and turn to the closet;

I hear the gun shot fire,
I count the men that fall to the floor,
I toss the gun aside, and turn on the light;

I hear the sirens,
I count the puddles of blood,
I toss back the covers, and crawl into bed.

For tonight just stay with me,
all my words like a plea,
you crawl into bed,
right next to me,
I want everything you are,
I'll just settle to be in your arms,
nobody has held me,
nobody has cared for me,
I've been the provider,
I always give what I need,
You're right next to me,
I finally stop shivering,
You keep whispering things to me,
Your words are soothing to my tensed nerves,
I want to touch you,
just like you touch me,
with that loving feeling
that jolts me back to life,
You're a kind man,
Nothing in you is mean,
You're the safest place I've been,
I don't want to be scared again,
My minds going so fast,
I hear every little beat of your heart,
I start to ramble,
You silence me,
I don't move,
I'm scared for you to leave,
You kiss my forehead.
"Everything's alright".

It was another Saturday night,
I worked a double,
I was asleep on my feet,
Then there you were.
It was a quarter till ten,
Almost time to leave.
I knew I'd have to stay because of you.
I marched back and forth in that dining room,
Wishing you'd leave,
I knew you felt the vibe,
It was practically a scream.
Then across the room,
You yelled to me your name,
I didn't care,
So you said it again.
I went to you,
I watched you,
You were so beautiful,
Or maybe I was just delusional,
Thirteen hour shifts will do that to you.
I didn't care about clocking out,
I didn't even know where to start,
So I just told you our specials,
And started to leave,
But I just couldn't walk away,
I've never walked away..

I didn't feel the flutter of your feet,
I didn't hear your cry,
But I felt you,
Our hearts shared the same chords,
You are the only one who's ever touched my soul,
I don't know how this happened,
It breaks my heart to know I'll never see your sweet face,
Or hear you sweet little laugh,
I can only imagine your beauty,
Or the way you'd play with your daddy,
I don't know why things happened like this,
My heart will never beat in the right tune,
Because I never got to have you.

I'll just let you down,
That's what I thought,
When I left this little town,
With not even a wave goodbye,
Now here I am two years later,
Coming in the limits of this town,
And I keep wondering if you still hang around here?
The trees still make the same sound as they blow,
The grounds look beautiful this time of year,
Nothing changed since I left here.
I passed that cracked stop sign,
I wonder if you ever lived down my name,
That Summer of '03 was the best of my life,
There's still damage from our reign,
I've been here for twenty minutes and your already stuck in my head,
And when I saw you walking down the street,
It felt like I never left.

I hear your back in town,
Right down the street,
I wonder when we'll meet,
If when you see me you'll speak,
Our love ran deep,
But now we just weep,
At the thought of the past,
We thought it would last,
I was sure of it,
cause you were the benefit.

I met you at a bad time,
In a bad economy,
With heels that were to high,
And the weather was cold.
I didn't mean to get to know you,
I didn't mean to ever fall in love,
One of us was already hurt,
I didn't mean to make that number two.
I don't know how to ask you to forgive me,
For everything I did,
The list goes on and on,
To running away from everything you gave me,
To our last fight on the drive home,
I don't think there's any way possible that I could find another you,
Or anyone that could make me feel the way you do,
I don't know why I ended it all,
I don't have a reason that will make you feel better,
I do love you,
My love for you is the only thing that keeps me alive,
Maybe I just wasn't ready,
I just had so much trouble believing in your feelings,
Now I'm here alone,
And all I want to do is to call you,
But I know you won't pick up,
I didn't mean any of it,
Forgive me,
Come home.

The petal's pressed to the floor,
I just passed 105,
Every thing is a blur,
I'm dodging traffic through these tears in my eyes,
I wonder if that was the last time I'll tell my mother bye,
And part of me wishes it is,
There's visions of cars passing by,
I can't see them though,
I wish I had another choice,
Crashing head on into the metal railing on the interstate,
My body goes through the thick glass of the windshield,
I'm lying broken on the concrete,
The sound I'm making is hardly human,
And somehow I found relief.

It's like a dance,
All arms and legs,
Lips and nails,
Turning and lifting;
Every movement is in sync,
Every heart beat is a little faster then the last.
He has this taste,
Sin and love,
It's intoxicating,
I'm drunk in the sensations,
I just can't stop.
When he whispers in my ear that he loves me,
My head goes spinning,
This feels like a fairytale,
Then when I think I'm done,
His hands are on me again,
His touch tears me apart,
He has me,
I only want to be with him,
Just like this,
Every day until I die.

I see your broken pieces,
I watch them fall away,
I want you to be okay,
But I can't fix you;

You want me to be your redemption,
You want me to be your saving grace,
You want my all,
But I can't fix you;

You apologize for ever thing you've done,
And I swear I forgive you,
But I know,
I can't fix you.

Please don't touch the Christmas tree,
Leave all my things in the boxes,
I can hardly bare to look at the door,
I made choices,
I did things because I thought you'd be happy,
I learned quickly that I could never make you that way,
And although the fact shook me to my core,
I thought maybe we could just coexist,
We don't have to agree,
Maybe just stop the arguing,
But then you went and ripped me out of my home,
That was a heavy blow,
A lot to swallow,
I guess parts of me thought I could make the best of this,
As much as you think I don't try,
I did,
I don't know why when life changed for you,
It had to change so much for me to,
Sometimes I don't think you realize how much I gave up,
I know your ready to go,
I swear I won't even try to stop you,
It won't do any good anyway,
I just want you to notice once in a while,
That I'm really hurting,
I just want you to notice,
How much your plans are going to cost,
And for once I want you to see me falling,
And catch me in time.

Clever memory,
Must you float away from me,
Leaving me chasing,
Something that was temporary given to me,
Clever thought in my mind,
Giving graciously all to me,
Taking up all this time,
Please don't leave me to forget,
The best thing I had,
Don't leave me now,
But for now you stay,
In the back of my mind,
Teasing me with fading away,
You clever little memory.

It is said,
that time heals everything,
but time doesn't do anything for me,
my wounds left untouched,
by the ticking of a clock;
My heart still bleeds,
With the same pain from an hour ago,
The days run together,
Every day feels like my last;
Twenty-four hours don't change anything,
Even as they add up,
The event still fresh in my head,
When will it turn to the past.

In the deepest of my despair I missed him,
With more than I had to give, and more than I could take,
It seemed as though the days were longer then normal,
And I was just waiting for him to come back.
I began to become consumed by every thought and hope,
I couldn't bare not to think about him,
He was something I would sell my own soul to get back,
Or maybe I already had.
My heart twisted and pulled right through my chest,
I laid in bed alone with my stomach in knots,
This bed is empty, it only hold me,
Lying in the darkness I didn't say I missed him,
Not verbally at least,
My body was all to aware of his absence,
I didn't have a spare thought to think,
All the people around me are staring,
But I'm to busy to care what they think,
I'm looking all around for anywhere he might be,
Searching desperately,
He consumes me,
Consumes me,
Consumed me.

I've never been good with my words,
You know that,
When I try, my temper only rises,
I don't have some complex way to tell you how I'm feeling,
It all just comes out simple,
Maybe that's because I'm just a simple person,
I'm so typical it kills me,
I'm another clone in society,
But something about you,
You saved me.

I didn't have a heart,
I swear, I really didn't,
There was just a hole,
And the older I became, the hole grew deeper,
I tried to fill the hole,
With useless things that I'd convince myself were important,
But all those things, they weren't important at all,
They always fell through,
and I was left with that hole,
Then you came along,
And for the first time ever,
The hole started to cover,
And a growth began,
The growth, grew into my heart,
It was all because of you.

When I tell you, you saved me,
I don't mean that I was about to burn in a building,
Or drown in the ocean,
It's much more then that,
You gave me a reason to live,
Not just be alive,
And if you've ever been there you know the difference,
But I pray that you never have,
Because someone like you,
You should never hurt at all,
You're a adventure, the bright morning sky,
Nobody has ever shined so bright in my life.

If I could stomach the sound,
If I could recognize the words;
Maybe I wouldn't be so broke,
Maybe I could move to
Bigger and better things;
On the ground here I'm nothing,
I can hardly breathe;
In out, in out;
I find it hard to see,
What happen to me;
I become the hate
I told myself wasn't there;
Yell out for help,
I get blank stares
To save me from the nothing,
To teach me to feel,
I shout "save me",
Nobodies there

I don't know why you matter,
I don't know why I care,
When I pull my hair up,
I can't help but wonder if you'll like it when I see you there,
I don't know why I bother,
Playing around with you,
You're the one that broke my heart,
But I keep running back to you,
I don't know why my arms curl around your neck,
I don't know why the taste of lips stay on my breath,
And after all this time of loving and hating,
I don't know why I stay with you.

Broken windows,
All this glass,
Some things don't just fix on their own,
Ripped skin, tired looks,
I'm so tired of feeling like this,
Where up is just a place where you look from down,
I just thought for once you'd be around,
I'm laying in bed wondering,
If I'll ever get back up,
I've just had a eighty hour week,
I guess it's what I have to do,
But I still made time for you,
I can't stop thinking about how
You're breaking my heart,
But I guess it's something you need to do,
I guess I can't blame you.

I'm sorry baby,
Can you make that a double,
I'm so thirsty tonight,
I've been spending all night,
Trying to drown these memories,
But you keep popping into my mind,
I've tried it all,
And I've gotten nothing,
Where else is there to hide,
I've learned that there's nothing,
In this life worth living,
If you're not by my side.
I thought that you'd look back,
I thought one day you'd want to be here with me,
I miss you a lot more,
Then I thought I ever would,
So tonight,
I'm just drowning memories.

I've been making promises all week,
Telling all these men that they're the ones for me,
But I have to be honest with you,
I don't feel anything,
I'm just on a roller coaster of emotions
and now I'm going for the loop,
And everyone behind me is screaming,
But I'm just along for the ride,
I don't think you understand my situation,
My dad left when I was nine,
and I've never been the same since that time,
He was in my life,
and loved me,
Then he up'd and walked away,
I don't think you can even say he loved me,
Men don't do that to their daughters,
I guess there's suppose to be some kind of unbreakable bond,
Well we showed them wrong,
Just like we always did,
I meet new guys every night,
Who hold me close and tell me they love me,
But  I hate all the words,
I just smile and tell them I need to be getting home,
Maybe one night I won't want to go home,
But I doubt it,
I don't feel a thing.

Another restless fight,
This'll keep me up all night,
I know there's nothing I can do,
So we blame it on my so called "attitude",
You stand high acting crude,
Protection that what I wanted to provide,
I couldn't help Daddy dying,
There's nothing more I can give,
Now like enemies we stand on separate lines;
Muttering about how we're fine,
But pain still lives inside,
The past still consumes us,
We still argue about what we didn't do.

Every day's the same,
And when it's not,
The world feels as though,
It would fall apart;

If the tree isn't lit,
If the dogs don't go out,
I turn for a panic,
and start to run about;

If I don't feel sorry for myself,
I don't know what to do,
I'd sit in the corner,
So utterly confused;

So here's the truth,
About my life and all,
If it isn't dramatic,
I don't know what I'd do,
I'd be the most bored little fool.

I haven't traveled a lot,
but as far as I'm concerned,
I've been everywhere
there is in the world;

I've met many people,
I've heard every word,
and people call me foolish,
but as far as I'm concerned,
I've met everyone there is in the world;

I've read many books,
and know every word,
I quote them all,
sing every song,
and some say that's impossible,
but as far as I'm concerned,
I've read every word there is in the world;

I've had the entire world before,
And held one close,
you say it's not possible,
But as far as I'm concerned,
If I loved you,
I've had the whole world.

I'm sitting in this empty booth,
Waiting to long for you to come,
I guess I'll just pay for my drink and go,
I'm tired of waiting for a man.
You always said it is what it is,
I shouldn't want it any other way,
And if I do, I should walk away from you,
I don't know why I want you around.

You can't make plans, you only break them;
Being on time is a concept you don't understand,
All those little quarks,
Those little moments when I look at you and wonder "Why",
But then you say something so incredibly clever;
that has me laughing at your feet,
You taught me how to smile at a time that I didn't have a reason to,
I had never had a friend like you,
I don't remember the exact day you stumbled in my life,
But I know that I'll never forget,
Your high pitched voice and boney hands,
I found you,
And you became my best friend.

You act like it doesn't hurt me,
Like I'm some kind of robot,
Like I have no emotion,
You act like your voice doesn't crush me inside,
I'm sure you think I'm being cold,
but inside it murders me;
I listen to every voicemail,
I cry every time,
But you wouldn't know that,
I can't take the time;
Sometimes I wonder why I fight,
I wonder why I'm not returning to you,
My heart conflicts,
Yes and No;
This is from a child who was crushed,
By a man that made promises he couldn't keep,
Now I sit staring at my feet,
And wait for a man who used to adore her,
Now I don't know what to say,
I shake with every word,
I love you dearly, but I can't do this anymore.

I looked up and saw you,
You looked like a hero,
Halos of gold shined above your head,
You rebuilt roads that were broke,
You fixed every problem,
You kept together our home,
I wanted to be just like you,
My heart swelled with love for you.
I was your little solider,
I was your little helper,
I was your little friend,
I was your baby girl,
You were my best friend.
It was all to my surprise,
The man I loved with all my heart,
Didn't have love for me at all,
If he loved me, he wouldn't have done what he did,
He loved his drugs and alcohol,
He always got so mean,
Maybe he doesn't remember,
But I'll never be able to forgot what he did to me.
I still live with the broken remains,
The sad memories,
Of the love that I once had,
Now all I feel is the loss, the pain, and the break,
I've become so confused,
I can't live with what you did,
It's just to much.

Gate 24,
Flight to New Orleans,
The people crowd it,
The planes boarding,
I watch you walk away.
You're wearing those dark jeans,
The same ones you wore when I met you,
I wonder if you even realize it,
You're still walking.

The suitcases roll across the ground,
You're carrying your red back pack,
The one we carried that late night we were together,
I want you to grasp it,
Just like I want to,
But honestly, I just want you to hold.

Stopping at the ramp,
You sent a text that said,
"I can't look at you,
you know,
I won't be able to go."
Then you were gone,
You kept walking.

I'm alone again tonight,
You said you'd be home,
But again, you weren't,
I should of expected it.
I tend to spend a lot of time alone lately,
You're never where you say you are,
And you're always saying how you'll take care of me,
But you really haven't lately.
I've started writing a lot again,
Usually about your love and how I lost it,
Or maybe how I never got it,
The webs are still to tangled to tell,
I'll just let you know that it kills me,
I can't even sleep,
I'm just haunted by bad dreams,
I try not to tell you though,
You're always so stressed,
And I'm always to blame,
There's always something I did,
Or something I didn't do,
It's a terrible way to be,
Just living to please,
So I'm here again,
At your hands and feet,
I'm waiting for something good to happen.
But when it's going right you leave,
So I'm beating you to the punch this time,
I'm in my car taking the highway out,
I left a letter on the kitchen table,
saying *"I'm sorry, I had to get out"

I saw you at the club tonight,
Dancing with girls that everyone knows well,
You seemed to be enjoying yourself,
Drinks in your hands,
Turning them back like no tomorrow,
Stumbling into guys twice your size,
Hitting on girls who look just like me,
You kept yelling out my name over the music,
Everybody just ignored you like they always do,
For a moment you stopped,
The crowd just danced around you,
You fell to the ground,
Nobody stopped to see if you were okay,
Or even noticed you at all,
If it would of been a few months back I would of been at your side,
Helping your drunk *** to the truck,
However you picked the drinks over me,
But they aren't helping you get home.

I was hopeful,
You were haunting,
Now we stand together,
Somewhere we'd never thought we'd be,
Your calloused hand in mine,
My thigh brushing against yours,
I don't see anyone else in this room,
And my devils are saying give into you.

Another angry text,
Another night of yelling,
What are we doing anymore,
If you're that unhappy,
I'll show you to the door,
When you get half way out,
You always turn back..

I don't remember why,
but we're fighting again,
Usually I don't know why,
It turns to a contest,
Who can make the other hurt best,
We both end up wrecked,
Let's retire back to bed,
I can't do this anymore..

Dear Harper Lee,
My little niece to be,
My heart was given to thee,
The moment you were conceived;

Dear Harper Lee,
My little angel to see,
To show you the world,
Would be an honor to me;

Dear Harper Lee,
Your five months away,
My beauty and my heart,
I'll think of you each day,
My little Harper Lee

Little fingers brush against my face,
Little feet kick softly at my sides,
Your sweet little smile,
Those blue eyes staring up at me,
Everything inside me loves you.

The day you were born
I didn't know what to expect,
It was a surprise to me,
I didn't know I could love anything.

You taught me things,
Much more then I could teach you,
I'll show you how to ride a bike,
Maybe tie your shoes,
I still couldn't catch up to you.

Only four short months ago,
You were coming into this world,
It was a long nine months,
You changed my whole world,
I can honestly say,
I'll give anything for you,
I just want to watch you grow,
I'll protect you from danger,
Encourage you in doubt,
The world is yours,
My sweet little girl.

You're sitting on a stool,
Nearest to the door,
Slurring words about the past,
Saying how you were so *******,
How you said a lot of things, that you wouldn't take back,
You drink cheap beer and liquor,
It's the only thing that keeps you alive,
I wonder if you ever wish I was there,
I'm just a ghost now,
Haunting every memory,
Somewhere between drunk and sober,
I hang around there,
You stumble out into the parking lot,
Pass out beside the cars,
You hardly know where you are,
But that's how you like to be,
And I just wonder if you ever think of me,
If you ever thought I was good enough of a reason to stop it,
But I'm gone with the wind,
While I was leaving, you were sitting here,
With one hand on the bottle,
One foot in the grave,
At a bar with black walls,
And while a drink was calling your name,
I called "Daddy come back here."

He wakes up at the crack of dawn,
Smokes a pack a day,
He likes a shot of whiskey; at the end of every day,
The sink is never washed the way I like,
My refrigerator has never been the same;
He forgets his coat on the floor,
He doesn't make seven figures a year,
I would love to say I adore him in every way,
But I don't think that every year when he forgets our anniversary,
Most would have parted ways,
But no, not me;
He does a lot wrong,
I'll never forget the day,
He asked my brother at Christmas dinner,
If he went either way,
But I love that man, with everything inside of me, that I won't deny.

I could never repay him for the right he does,
Although there's more wrongs
The way he holds me in bed,
The way he's the first to make coffee,
The way he puts my earrings away;
He hands me a ***** tonic,
He mows the lawn,
He kicks my tires,
Changes my oils at inconvenient times,
I know he lost his watch, I bought for his birthday,
But I could never repay the way he treats our son,
The way he tries to braid our daughter's hair,
The way after all these years he still whispers "I love you" in my ear,
I don't care if he could ignore every Valentines day,
I'll still love him for his rights.

I'm not good at goodbyes,
I can't handle the pain,
I found someone to love,
Why did I throw it away?
When I walk these streets,
I'm just going to want to be where you are,
When I go by I'll count all the stars,
Making wishes on each one,
But they'll never come true,
Not again,
I wished for you once,
Now you're just like those stars,
Close enough to see,
But to far to reach out and touch,
What kills me more?
To see,
Or to not reach,
Both hurt just the same,
Maybe that's why the hole in my heart bleeds,
It was all because a mistake I made,
I started this war,
I don't want to go back there again,
I don't want to go home alone.
What's home without you there?
It's just a house,
These are just walls,
Walls that I built up tall,
Because I was scared to tumble and fall,
Now I'm just a being,
Without you there's no living,
So I'm walking alone,
On a cold, paved road,
Looking for my home,
But I can't find you.

My fingers brush over the piano keys,
Over the top,
Along the side,
I breathe,
Looking around the room,
I can't help but think:
*I know this place,
I know this feeling,
I know this house,
This is home.
That little back bedroom used to be a fortress,
The prince always came right to the door,
My barbies vacationed in that bathroom down the hall,
My sister and I used to play until the water went cold in the tub,
My mom cooked many Christmas dinners in that kitchen,
I used to watch her all the time.
I don't know when it happened,
My siblings got older,
My parents divorced,
Everyone left,
And I..
I just want to go home.

I'm tired of this back and forth game,
We both fight so hard,
But what for,
I would give anything,
To have you back on my side,
If I begged,
Would you do anything,
Or would you turn back to the door,
I will take all the blame,
Just to see the light back in your eyes,
I don't want to leave,
But if it's really what you want,
I'd do that for you.

Down the aisle he followed,
Whispering to turn back,
He pulled at my hair,
Tore at my dress,
Constantly telling me it's not right,
Secretly I knew,
I knew that wasn't the man I loved,
I knew I gave my heart away long ago,
But I continued to the alter,
As though I had no choice;
When I got to the first step,
I was pulled back,
Maybe from the man on my shoulder,
Maybe from the man in my heart,
And away I ran,
With my in-laws wide eyed;
I'm sure his mother cheered,
I'm sure my mother cried,
But I don't love him,
Lord knows I tried.

He swore every monster away,
Checked every closet and bed,
He told me he'd hold this world up,
Never letting it fall,
But I don't see him now;

He held his head high,
Expected better things,
He told me the stories,
That haunt him daily,
But I don't see him now;

He held my hand,
In his rough callused hands,
He walked beside me,
Stride by stride,
But  I don't see him now;

He took me places,
I dreamed about,
He played make-believe,
With a fool like me,
But I don't see him now;

Where is he,
When will be return,
When will my heart be full,
Like it once was,
But although I search,
I don't see him now.

I love you,
I've been up hours thinking,
Thinking about how much I love you.
You see, we're having problems,
Sometimes I swear I hate you,
Everything you do makes me mad,
We argue all the time,
Sometimes you really do disgust me,
But when it comes to you,
I know we're right,
Everytime I hate you,
Everytime I'm mad,
I stop being mad,
And I just love you,
Because I love you,
And there's no getting around that.

Buried the fourteenth of July,
Another life that was worth saving,
Why'd you have to risk your life,
So less people would die,
Now you're six feet under,
But I wish you were coming to my door,
That you wouldn't knock,
That you'd just come in,
And pull me in your arms,
That I could taste your love one more time,
But it would never be enough.
All I hear is your name echoed in empty spaces,
All this time, it wasn't well wasted,
Now I'm sitting here staring out the window,
And I'm waiting for you to come home,
I never lose hope,
I'll count the stars until you come back here,
I can't accept the facts,
What's a heart that doesn't beat,
And I found my beat,
My love won't die for you,
But I'll die waiting for you to come back,
Because what good is half a person,
That's why I need you.

The leaves fell off the trees,
The grass' color faded,
The sky got darker,
And I don't mind saying,
That I miss you;

The weather turned cold,
The holidays are coming soon,
And when I close my eyes I picture you beside me,
Yet I don't mind admitting,
That I miss you;

The clouds roll above,
Time travels on,
Somewhere beside the sea you'll be,
And I don't mind insisting,
That I miss you;

When I walk down the street,
All the faces I see,
The people that speak,
But I still notice my hands are empty,
And I don't mind you knowing,
That I still miss you.

There came a time,
Not far in the past enough for the pain to be numb,
The memories still swirl around in my head,
His hands were on me and nobody heard the screams,
Now every man I see, I see his face,
Somebody tell me how to cope with that,
I relive the trauma,
The scratches and scars,
Now I can't hear a knock on the **** door,
Without alarms going off in my head,
Now tell me how you shielded me from this,
How I was the favorite,
If this was my reward,
I hope I'm your last pick,
I didn't know why he picked me,
I don't know why I didn't tell you,
I just need a moment alone,
To wish this away,
But it never goes away,
I want to go away.