I've been making promises all week,
Telling all these men that they're the ones for me,
But I have to be honest with you,
I don't feel anything,
I'm just on a roller coaster of emotions
and now I'm going for the loop,
And everyone behind me is screaming,
But I'm just along for the ride,
I don't think you understand my situation,
My dad left when I was nine,
and I've never been the same since that time,
He was in my life,
and loved me,
Then he up'd and walked away,
I don't think you can even say he loved me,
Men don't do that to their daughters,
I guess there's suppose to be some kind of unbreakable bond,
Well we showed them wrong,
Just like we always did,
I meet new guys every night,
Who hold me close and tell me they love me,
But  I hate all the words,
I just smile and tell them I need to be getting home,
Maybe one night I won't want to go home,
But I doubt it,
I don't feel a thing.

The weather was a little colder then a mild September,
I was driving fast,
Trees and cars blurred as I passed them,
I wasn't quite sure where I was going, but anywhere was better then here,
My phone kept ringing, over, and over, and over again,
Left to my own, thinking, that's what I really needed,
But no matter how far I drove, it wasn't quite far enough,
So I continued,
Through the day, Through the night,
Far beyond where the weeks turned to months,
Far beyond the months turned to years,
Although my endeavor has seemed so very short,
I've been gone quite a while according to others,
I think back to the place I was born,
About the hot Summers and cold Winters,
How the trees turned colors,
How every person had met,
It was such a peaceful place,
Yet, not I a place to think.
I must stop,
I must not go,
But there's something in my blood,
I desire to roam,
There's still whispers and thoughts,
About why I did all this running,
But my thinking is needed,
And my reasoning is simple,
I've just never been to good at staying in one place long.

I closed my eyes,
I blew out seventeen candles,
All thinking of the same wish,
I know I shouldn't jinxes this,
But even as foolish as I am,
I know all dreams don't come true.
I thought back to just a year prior,
The places I had been,
All while staying in the same neighborhood,
And in those new spaces,
Filled with dark and black,
I found a cold little being in the corner amidst all of that terror,
I remember the floor felt a little harder then before,
The room was a little bit larger,
And inside my soul had grown violent,
But you always did that to me,
My mind was empty,
I wasn't thinking about you,
I was feeling you though,
I was rabid,
The raw hatred in my body made it impossible to speak,
You didn't just upset me that night,
You created a new being,
Someone cold,
Someone heartless,
Someone who couldn't love,
You made me this way,
My bones still ache,
My body still pulsates,
The blood through my veins is rushing,
Now my wish is simple,
It's just to do as you wanted,
Just a year prior this time,
I pray you get your wish,
Maybe you should take another bottle of pills this time.

I looked up and saw you,
You looked like a hero,
Halos of gold shined above your head,
You rebuilt roads that were broke,
You fixed every problem,
You kept together our home,
I wanted to be just like you,
My heart swelled with love for you.
I was your little solider,
I was your little helper,
I was your little friend,
I was your baby girl,
You were my best friend.
It was all to my surprise,
The man I loved with all my heart,
Didn't have love for me at all,
If he loved me, he wouldn't have done what he did,
He loved his drugs and alcohol,
He always got so mean,
Maybe he doesn't remember,
But I'll never be able to forgot what he did to me.
I still live with the broken remains,
The sad memories,
Of the love that I once had,
Now all I feel is the loss, the pain, and the break,
I've become so confused,
I can't live with what you did,
It's just to much.

I don't know when I became so dependent on the pills,
I think it was after the third or forth move,
When I was chasing away nightmares that kept coming true.
It started as just a way to sleep,
I was tired constantly,
And my body constantly pleaded for sleep,
The pills gave me that peace.
My life has never been simple,
I never just had a place to live,
Just had two normal parents,
A few siblings,
I never lived a good life,
It used to really bother me,
But for a moment when I swallowed the pills,
I forgot,
It was the only feeling I never fault,
It's not an addiction,
It's a way of life,
Just pass me the oxy,
I'll be alright.

My fingers brush over the piano keys,
Over the top,
Along the side,
I breathe,
Looking around the room,
I can't help but think:
*I know this place,
I know this feeling,
I know this house,
This is home.
That little back bedroom used to be a fortress,
The prince always came right to the door,
My barbies vacationed in that bathroom down the hall,
My sister and I used to play until the water went cold in the tub,
My mom cooked many Christmas dinners in that kitchen,
I used to watch her all the time.
I don't know when it happened,
My siblings got older,
My parents divorced,
Everyone left,
And I..
I just want to go home.

I used to hate you,
Really hate you, with every fiber of my being,
I spent so much time thinking about you,
And about how you weren't thinking of me,
You'd leave me messages all the time,
Telling me how it's my fault,
How I was the one who needed to change,
Maybe you were right,
I did.
You had me so convinced that without you I was nothing,
You had to be my sun and moon,
Without you I was lost,
I couldn't protect myself,
I couldn't provide,
You created a small, fragile creature that had to depend solely on you,
And that's what you wanted,
You wanted to ******* me,
So I would never leave you,
But you always left me,
And I was always just an after effect,
When you returned I was expected to fall back in place.
You were cruel,
You knew just what to say to hurt,
And that was your purpose,
You'd throw verses from the Bible,
Mixed with your own ******* up theories,
To create a mix that made me unwilling of everything.
I want you to know,
Now that I'm a little older,
A little colder,
That you are right,
I needed to change,
And finally see the disaster in front of me,
You're the monster,
And I will no longer think of you at all,
Because at the end of the day,
When I'm sitting happily,
You'll be in some God forsaken place,
And I won't be thinking of you at all.