R A Sanders

R A Sanders Nov 2012

Dear Darling,
Where ever you might be,
I want to make things right,
I just don’t know how too,
I feel this is for the best,
But the thought of leaving is cutting me wide open,
When I told you I love you I meant it,
I’m trying to save you from the pain,
Because I’m no good for you,
I’m not even good for myself,
I’m one foot in the grave, the other foot's out the door,
I don’t have the power anymore,
I can’t do this to you,
I love you to much,
This is your rescue letter,
Don’t wonder where I am,
Where you are I’ll be,
In the whispers of the wind,
Through the shaking of trees,
When you look up at the stars,
I’m always where you are,
I love you to much to hurt you,
So please don’t wonder where I am,
I’m always right where you stand,
Don't hurt.

R A Sanders Nov 2012

Reach Out.

I poured myself a drink,
Sat at my desk,
I tried to write,
But I just couldn't form words,
He was the only thing in my mind,
I couldn't take the remembering,
I just couldn't forget,
I wanted him here.

The bartender poured me a double,
I sat at the bar,
I wanted to call her,
But I didn't know what to say,
She's so good with her words,
I can't take her not being here,
I can't forget her in any way.

They tossed and turned ideas,
One to the other,
They wanted each other,
But they both didn't know what to do,
So they sat with there tears and alcohol,
Trying to figure it out,
An arm reach away,
But they wouldn't reach out.

R A Sanders Nov 2012

Transition.

I want you to greet me,
With open arms,
I want a place to call home,
I know this pain is temporary,
Some day I'll find rest,
I was thrown out into adulthood,
Now I can't get back,
Little girls become women,
The moment men can't be fathers,
I got lost in darkness,
I fell to the ground,
But only to feel where to stand,
I'm a woman now,
I stand on steady legs,
In stilettos high as the sky,
I don't stumble anymore,
I'm planted to the ground,
Doing what daddy never could..

R A Sanders Oct 2012

I Never Lose Hope.

Buried the fourteenth of July,
Another life that was worth saving,
Why'd you have to risk your life,
So less people would die,
Now you're six feet under,
But I wish you were coming to my door,
That you wouldn't knock,
That you'd just come in,
And pull me in your arms,
That I could taste your love one more time,
But it would never be enough.
All I hear is your name echoed in empty spaces,
All this time, it wasn't well wasted,
Now I'm sitting here staring out the window,
And I'm waiting for you to come home,
I never lose hope,
I'll count the stars until you come back here,
I can't accept the facts,
What's a heart that doesn't beat,
And I found my beat,
My love won't die for you,
But I'll die waiting for you to come back,
Because what good is half a person,
That's why I need you.

R A Sanders Oct 2012

Brantley.

It's like a dance,
All arms and legs,
Lips and nails,
Turning and lifting;
Every movement is in sync,
Every heart beat is a little faster then the last.
He has this taste,
Sin and love,
It's intoxicating,
I'm drunk in the sensations,
I just can't stop.
When he whispers in my ear that he loves me,
My head goes spinning,
This feels like a fairytale,
Then when I think I'm done,
His hands are on me again,
His touch tears me apart,
He has me,
I only want to be with him,
Just like this,
Every day until I die.

R A Sanders Oct 2012

Liam.

The water pulls back and forth,
It's wild and calm and beautiful,
I want to live there,
In all of that controlled chaos,
I'm leaning against the golden rail,
The lights are shining behind me,
The musics humming in my ear,
People pass by me,
They try to interact with me,
But they don't interest me at all.
All that ocean air is wrapped in my hair,
It's curling at the ends,
I'm suffocating in the smell,
I swear it'd be the happiest death I'd ever see,
Now a hand is on the small of my back,
I don't dare turn around,
His contact against my skin
feels just like getting lost at sea,
His scent and the water,
The whisper of his voice against the wind,
My knees are buckling,
I'm on stilts a thousand feet tall,
Is my temperature really rising,
How does he do this to me?
I pull closer to the cool rail,
I use it to balance myself,
I try to seem calm and cool,
But everything I love is standing on both sides of me,
And I'm wanting to let go,
Falling rapidly into them,
But his arm goes around my waist,
I'm sinking into his hand,
I'm doomed.
He's right there staring into the water,
Leaning against the railing,
The boat has us both a little unsteady where we stand,
But I've never been so planted,
I've never loved like this,
The blue eyes I've came to know so well are shining against the waves,
Then they look at me,
For a moment I lose it,
I cling to his chest,
A chill runs up my spine,
But I'm so warm,
Right there in his arms,
I'm floating along,
I lean in to savor the sensation,
Then with the wind,
There his ghost is gone again,
I lean over the rail,
I did everything to be in his arms again,
Then into both my loves I go,
It's the happiest death I came to know,
Because without him I'm nothing,
Together we're a wave in the ocean,
The high tide on the shore,
Something wild and new,
Don't morn us,
Just look for the boat on the horizon,
That's where we'll be,
Together.

R A Sanders Oct 2012

Not That Girl Anymore.

Parted fingers made it hard to see,
I was that girl,
I was scared of everything,
But I'm finally getting older,
This time has made me wiser at times,
I've watched people come, then walk by,
The broken roads threw me off my tracks,
But I'm learning how to get back my feet.
Words hurt me worse,
More then a fist ever could,
I was the girl,
I wouldn't do anything about it,
But through my hard work,
I've learned,
I'm actually worth something,
So I'm wise enough,
To tell you to go on your way.
My hands won't shake,
My knees won't tremble anymore,
When you decided to scare me,
All my insecurities,
They lead back to you,
but I'm not that girl anymore,
I've learned to get back to my feet,
I'm wiser then you think,
I'm not that girl anymore.